Thursday, January 8, 2015

Maurice and I have stayed in almost all day. She, curled up on a pillow, me going from this to that. It's not even that warm in the house. Oh, well, compared to outside it's quite toasty and I'm not complaining but I am wearing two Goodwill cashmere sweaters.

The pharmacy called. My prescription is renewed. I am vastly relieved.

I've been thinking a lot today as I did laundry, swept, made bread. I don't really feel like discussing what I've been thinking about but it's some heavy stuff. Some going-back-to-mama stuff. Stuff about feeling guilt and shame and anger and mixing them all up into a brew of nastiness.
Stuff I need to let go. Stuff I need to realize I am too old to need to carry around any longer.

Now if one of these days I could just figure out how to let it all go, I'd be a better woman. A happier woman. That's for sure.

Meanwhile, at least I know why I sometimes feel the way I do.

I made two loaves of Kalamata olive and rosemary bread and have just taken them out of the oven. I am cooking chicken with pineapple and cinnamon and onions. There will be brown rice and broccoli. Tomorrow I am meeting Lily and Jessie to go to Costco. I think we'll go to lunch. Then Mr. Moon and I are going to Apalachicola for the weekend where we will see some old friends.
All of the chickens and the ducks are in the henhouse except for Dovie. I took Camellia in there and poor little Mick too. He was huddled on the ground of the coop and I could not bear that. Perhaps he has not had a place to roost. He will learn.

We all learn, I guess. Or we don't.

But one thing we can be is compassionate. With ourselves and with each other.
I do truly believe that.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I had one of those days too. Near tears for reasons that are beyond me. I watched all four hours of the Martin Scorsese documentary about George Harrison and now I'm crying for a different reason. What an inspiring, lovely man. I recommend it as heart medicine. Love, Suz

  2. Isn't it strange the hold the bitter past has on us. All that crap that was so miserable to live through back when it happened, yet our mind says, "Hey, remember that, that was some really awful shit. So, how bout we spend the next several hours going over it all again. In painful detail. Okay?" Sometimes I say " I bless and release it all" to that voice. Sometimes I say, "ah, shut the fuck up."

  3. You are a magician. You take the sadness and the anxiety and you turn it into beautiful bread and lovely meals that make my mouth water just reading about, and into words to touch us, and into caring about others, so many others. I think that's pretty amazing.

    That little rooster is so cute. (or that chicken, depending)

  4. That coop is getting mighty full, but I bet it's pretty warm with all those birds in there. Call me for lunch tomorrow, please.

  5. Kathleen knew what she was doing all those years ago when she brought you chickens.

    Knowing the source of our sadness is a good start. Sometimes it is enough. I'd like to fold you to my heart, and not just figuratively. Hugs, dear woman. Tomorrow call your boy.

  6. Some days are good for staying inside.

    What's happening with Dovie these days? Didn't she disappear for a while? Is she back? Maybe I missed an update...

  7. you make me wish I was motivated enough to make bread.

  8. The stuff we carry around with us shouldn't be a source of sadness but a badge of what we've survived. It's okay to think about it from time to time, and even be sad about it a litte. The trick is to dust off and get back up and go at life again.

  9. Today I gave a fuck about clean underwear, yay! Also a fuck was given concerning the stretched out curtain tabs on my kitchen door/window and now they have been replaced, another yay my way! Some fucks not given this fine and wintry day- spider webs and the condition of my sweater(torn and ragged)... be well, eat hearty and kiss the kiddies.

  10. I have been so busy that I haven't been on here. I was on the boat during the cold spell. Brrr....
    Back to reading blogs again. Life seems to be happy and busy for me.


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