Adventures In Faxing

I forgot to post this picture of Sophie, one of my granddogs. This one comes from Jessie. Sophie is a golden doodle? One of those doodles. Whichever one is the sweetest. She just loves being loved. And she's smart. She knows words. She knows people. She knows how to get up close for a good chat and some pets and snuggles. She's sort of an ideal dog in my opinion.
I still have no interest in getting one of my own though. Maurice is plenty of pet for me. 

Today was a different sort of day. It turned out to be quite unusual. And, to be honest, something of a clusterfuck. 
I love that word. It's so perfectly descriptive, isn't it? 
So I woke up still feeling sad and guilty and angry at myself. Even Rob Nucatola, the weather guy who refuses to make predictions unless he has good and dependable data, was saying that Isaias's path would most likely have it make landfall quite west of here. He cautioned that there would be resulting bands of wind and rain but his overall feeling was that this was not going to be a huge storm and it was not going to be that much of a threat to our area. 
So. Again, I felt foolish to have steered our little group into choosing to cancel the trip. And I carried all of these feelings until a few hours later when I read that Franklin County, where St. George Island is, had issued a mandatory evacuation of both St. George and Dog islands.  This is probably not entirely necessary and I doubt that any of the actual residents of those islands will be leaving as this is not their first rodeo and they can read a tracking chart and besides that, they're stubborn motherfuckers. 
BUT, officially, we should not be on the island. 
And so I felt as if I had made the right call. 
Oh, and also, Isaias has reached Category 2 storm criteria which means there are winds of up to 100 mph near the core and if you've never experienced winds like that be very, very grateful. 

Mr. Moon and I were having a very late lunch in Tallahassee at a place I'd read about as being sort of classy and having good food and so on when I read that about the evacuations. We were in town because Glen needed to fax a Tom's estate-related document to someone. He asked if I'd like to go with him and have lunch. At first I was not that interested but then I said, "I'd really like to check out that new Oak Tree Treasures on North Monroe," and he said we could do that too. So I got dressed and pulled my hair into a knot that I stabbed in place with a blue hair pin, put on my good flip-flops, got into the oh so very brown Suburu, and off we went. 
The first place he tried to get his document faxed was a Staples. This did not go well because they were having some sort of electrical problem, possibly related to the weirdness that happened a few days ago when an underground electrical fire blew up some roads near the Capitol building. 
Or not. Who knows? They didn't. 
So. On we went to a Goodwill right down the road that I haven't visited in years and years. I used to love that Goodwill. They had very nice quality merchandise and I even got a few very cool costumes for characters I was playing when I was doing the theater thing in Monticello. I wondered if they still had the good stuff and turns out that yes. Yes they did. 
I didn't spend a great deal of time looking but even in my abbreviated hunt for treasure, I found a lovely black cotton lightweight sweater-like shirt that will go with anything. Banana Republic. 
Look- I hate to admit this but thrifters are big brand snobs. Let's face it- it's far more thrilling to pay $6.97 for a shirt that originally sold for somewhere near a hundred bucks than it is to pay $6.97 for a shirt originally sold at Walmart for $10.97. 
So that was good. 
And then I found a print of a Frida Kahlo portrait done by some artist named Stephanie Corfee. 

There was a little blurb about her pasted to the back of the picture. 
I wavered. Did I want this? Where would I put it? Wall space in this house is already quite limited with all of my questionable art and generally interesting things that end up hanging on those walls. But then I thought about yesterday when I'd just been thinking about how the wall over my dryer in the laundry room, right next to the folding table Mr. Moon made me which has a sort of plant nursery area and also a sort of art area above it, needed some help. A change. 
Anything. 
Ta-da! Of course! Here was the answer to my problem.

So I bought it, I brought it home, got out the stepladder and here it is with a few other objects that bring me pleasure to look at. 

What that wall needs more than anything is painting but at least now there is a lot of color and although it's not Frida by Frida, it's interesting. The little paper mache dolls may have to go but they are Mexican. 
It's all just thumbtacked art. Perhaps that is what I should call my decor. Thumbtack Art.

We did go to the new Oak Tree Treasures. I was not impressed. The one in Moon Plaza is much smaller but much classier. That's my assessment. 

I don't remember exactly in what order we kept trying to get that document faxed. I do know that an Office Depot, a UPS place, and a FedEx place were involved. 
Nope, nope, and nope. Also, at the last place we went to, Glen realized there was a page missing in the stack of pages which rendered the whole thing invalid anyway. 
See what I mean about the clusterfuck? 

And also, at some point in there, we found ourselves very hungry so we tried the rather fancy place I'd mentioned and it wasn't bad at all. I was so hungry I might even have eaten a Brussels sprout but thankfully, I did not have to. I did not, however, like the way the server tossed around the word "we" so much. As in, "Would we like any starters before we order?" "Do we want straws?" "What would we like to drink?" 
Give we a fucking break. Please. 
The funny thing was that both the hostess and the server asked if we were celebrating anything and I told the hostess that yes, we were celebrating waking up and being alive again but beyond that, no. Turns out that if you ARE celebrating something you get FREE STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE! which is like my favorite dessert. We should have made something up but we are people of honor. 
We. Glen and I. Don't know about the hostess or server. 

By the time we finally got home, it was after four and so that was a whole day. It really wasn't that bad. At least I got to spend the day with my husband who will soon be leaving for the great Canadian wilderness. Or something Canadian. 
And I had some delicious salmon. 

Neither one of us is very hungry this evening so we'll be having soup leftover from last night and focaccia leftover from last night and a very, very green salad that I will make tonight because we ate all of the one I made last night. We eat it on the focaccia and it's just about one of the best things I make. 
Arugula and fresh basil. Goat cheese, garlic, red onion, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, salt and pepper. 

I think I'm starting to feel a little peckish, actually. 

Love...Ms. Moon

I Really Do Not Even Know How To Pronounce "Isaias"

I have been a huge mess all day, starting at about 7:30 this morning when I began texting the Ladies about our trip. I had checked Rob Nucatola's latest report and he was saying that it looked like the storm would follow the path you see above but it was still just too early to make an accurate prediction. He did say it will intensify into a hurricane by tomorrow, most likely. At this point though, it does not appear that the necessary ingredients it takes to make a monster storm are there which is great. It's moving quickly which means it's not having time to just sit around and suck up water and energy from the Gulf. 

But I, with all of my anxieties and illogical worries, was not exactly thrilled to hear any of this. And I wrote the Ladies that perhaps we should rethink our plans. As I said, the storm could not do a damn thing to affect us, OR, we could end up getting a direct hit. Or, anything in between. My biggest fear is not of the storm itself, although I don't especially enjoy being in a hurricane, but the thought of being stuck on the island without power which does not sound like a good time to me. 
So at this point, we are talking about rescheduling for March and that's fine except for the fact that now I feel so very guilty because it really doesn't look like Isiaias is going to have much of an affect even on St. George. Oh, there will be wind and there will be rain but-eh. Probably not so much. 
What I feel most guilty about is the fact that my stupid anxieties are having so much more of an affect on the whole plan than I want them to. Probably far more than is warranted. And please, please, do not tell me that I always have a good time, that I always have the BEST time, that the weather won't matter very much, and so on and so forth in a logical vein because as I always say, logic has nothing to do with this shit. Do you think I would act and feel this way if I really had a choice? 
I take two different medications for depression and anxiety and they do very much help. I've not been in a real anxiety/panic crisis in a long time. I have not felt like I was dying. Not really. Maybe just a little. 
But I do still have physical reactions to anxiety-producing situations, one of them being that I break out in hives that itch so much I sometimes scratch myself bloody without even realizing I'm doing it. I'm just so used to it. There are other things but I don't want to talk about them because...that makes me anxious. And so mad at myself. 
Keep calm and carry on. 
That is what we're supposed to do. But how can you keep calm if you are not calm in the least to begin with? 
So today I have been so angry. I feel so bad for anyone who had to be in my presence. I beg Jessie's forgiveness because so much of my wrath came out in her presence. Some at pottery. I didn't get angry at either Jessie or anyone at pottery but my attitude was bitter and I was probably very sharp in many of my comments about things not having to do with pottery or them at all. Just...in general. 
And the thing is, of course, is that I am so angry at myself for being this emotional weakling who cannot manage to do the most simple things, things that should bring pleasure, things that other humans see as terrific experiences. I feel angry at myself because I know my husband would love to travel more and travel with me, his wife, the person who always agreed with him when we said we'd travel when we got older and the kids were grown and now, here we are, and this little spot of time in our lives where we can still manage to go, is getting shorter and shorter and I know that and still, the very thought of it makes me want to chain myself to my house where I feel safest and where I live with my routines and ways every day. The ways and routines that help me feel as if I am in control. 
I am angry at myself and I am so sad at the same time. 
And sometimes that anger, especially, comes out in ways that do not make me the empathetic human being I want to be. I become horribly judgmental and hateful although I will say that the targets of these things are never the people whom I know are doing the best they can with whom I come in contact.
But. I become the person I do not want to be because I feel like I am the person I do not want to be. 

It's a mess. 

Anyway, pottery was a total loss for me today except that I did enjoy visiting with everyone. It was our last class of the session and I had imagined that I'd do a little touch-up work on my magnolia leaves platter and my silly bird, getting it ready to fire. It looked pretty okay when I took it off the shelf where it had been sitting wrapped in plastic since last Wednesday with only one of the little round feet having become separated. But as soon as I started trying to fix that problem, one of the leaf sections came apart from the other sections and then...well, the bird, she came off too. 
My teacher said I could get it all stuck back together with "super slip" which I dutifully made up with clay, water, vinegar, and torn bits of toilet paper. 
Forget it. 
Things were too heavy, I had cut too deeply while tracing the veins in the leaves. And so forth. 
I have brought it home in pieces where I shall give it a private burial. 
Probably in the woods by the railroad track. 
And when that was resolved in my mind, I tried to make another bird, this one much smaller with less weight and no matter what I did, the poor thing did not take on any life of its own. So I basically spent two and a half hours smushing and shaping and re-smushing and reshaping. My hands felt completely disconnected from my task. My mind felt completely disconnected from where I was and what I was doing. I have brought the little almost-like-a-bird figure home with me to perhaps work on in the next two weeks. We'll see. 

So that's been today. 

Jessie and I did have a good lunch at an Indian buffet we like. She is really enjoying her new position as a lactation consultant and I am so thrilled to hear that. It took courage to leap from one job to another. And I am quite certain that she will be able to help many women with the most mystical, magical, and mammalian thing a new mother can do. 

All right. Here's a really sweet thing that happened at pottery today. Lizzie asked me if I would like one of her whippets. She has whippets and she loves them almost as much as she loves her children and grandchildren. I am not sure how they compare in her affections with Gentleman Caller™ but that's none of my business. 
So when she asked me if I would like one of those sweet whippets she makes I was so happy to say yes. 

I had thought to put Whippet somewhere on the hallway table where I keep so many precious things but it is tiny and would have gotten lost there so I placed it on the mantel in my bedroom which I have recently cleared off. 

She has my beautiful parakeet to keep her company and watch over her as well as some Seminole ladies. I will notice and admire her many times a day as I walk by. 

Bedtime cannot come too soon for me. 

Love...Ms. Moon

What?

Here we have a picture inside the little restaurant where I so often take myself to lunch. Habana's Boardwalk Cuban restaurant. I generally get there later than the lunch rush and I've often noticed that other ladies of a certain age take themselves to lunch there as well. I wonder if this is because the place is just so comfortable. I had my favorite server today- Jesse- and as always she was efficient and serious and very professional. I had a cuban coffee with sugar which is one of my favorite treats in the world and a cup of black bean soup AND a tamal of some sort which I can't remember the name of although I've had it twice now and it does have grilled onions. 
Perfect lunch. Just perfect. 

Costco was almost empty if you compare it to the usual packed-to-capacity situation. I got to see BRENDA! She was my check-out lady. She is so beautiful and so sweet. 

And then- best of all, I got to visit with Lily at her Publix. We managed a little chatting between her customers and then a couple of very good hugs. "Let me give you a little kiss," I said when I was leaving and she leaned over and I kissed her cheek. 

When I got home, I made a pot of my creamy curried cashew butternut, etc., etc. soup to take to St. George this weekend. I had texted my ladies and asked if I could bring a soup because it looks to be rainy, as I said two days ago, I think. I named off a few different types of soup I could make and they all agreed the creamy curried cashew, etc., etc, sounded the best. 
Of course my soup has no butternut squash in it but it does have two Seminole pumpkins and a sweet potato. The Seminole pumpkin's flesh is sweet and delicious and I believe the soup will be too. I cooked it and pureed it and will freeze it to take with me and add the coconut milk when I thaw and heat it on the island. I also plan to make the dough for naan bread and freeze that too. According to the recipe, the dough freezes quite well. 
I wanted to do this because of course I want to bring a gift of love and as we all know, food is love in my heart. Also, let's face it- I need to know for my own peace of mind that we will have food. 
Which is ridiculous. I think it's a primal thing though and primal things do not always realize that there's a very adequate although very small grocery store less than four miles away. If that. You may recall this store. It is called The Little Pig because it is a miniature version of a Piggly Wiggly and this delights me to no end. 

So I'm relieved that soup is made because tomorrow is pottery and somehow that takes all day long. I'm sure I'll have time to make the naan dough, however. 

And...well. There is a small situation occurring in the Gulf of Mexico which is what they call a disturbance. 
I just checked Rob Nucatola's last FB post and here's what he has to say:

It’s Tropical Depression NINE.

Small changes is movement early mean big changes in direction later. So let’s not fixate on any points of potential landfall for Friday just yet.

I promise a full breakdown tomorrow on the News and even more on The Morning NUC.

And I’ll have a full battery of graphics and a text explanation here around 11am Wednesday.

You may recall, or you may not, Rob is my go-to weatherman. He is slow to make predictions, waiting until he feels he has the proper information, and I trust him implicitly. But the point is, there is a chance, however small, that a storm may be headed our way. Or, alternatively, that we'll just get a bunch of rain and maybe a little wind. Or...perhaps nothing at all! And by the way, it is STILL raining here.

So we pay attention.

And to top off this entire day, there was what is being called an underground electrical explosion with a resulting fire early this morning near the state capitol building in downtown Tallahassee that blew manhole covers off and blasted roads.

Traffic was understandably messed up, there were electrical outages as well as internet outages, and state and county businesses were affected, of course.

As Rachel said, "I need an advanced astrology gay to tell me if the planets are doing something or if Mercury is in gatorade or whatever."

What the fucking fuck?

I'm going to go make a spinach and rice casserole. I am roasting a chicken. I may poach some pears. What else can I do? I can post this which seems rather frighteningly prescient.

Big Love And Hang In There, Y'all...Ms. Moon

The Rain Is Making Slow Love To The Earth

It is still raining here. It's been coming down slowly and steadily which seems like the easiest way for the earth to accept and absorb it. Everything green seems so grateful but I can anthropomorphize anything. Animals, plants, trees, the oceans and rivers, my Macbook, and of course my old dolls and certain beloved stuffed animals.
Not Mitch McConnell though. I'm pretty certain he is not sentient at this point. 

Those plants in the pots in the photo at the top of the page are ones I put there in the little bed beside the kitchen after repotting most of them a month or so ago. They have grown remarkably since then, some of them almost scarily so. And do you see the chenille plant sending out its shoots to try and take over the entire area? 
It is a constant battle. 
I really should have moved that sprinkler before I took the picture. It's not exactly an attractive visual element, is it? 
Ah lah. I will never be a real photographer. 

I've been much like the rain today. Slow and steady. I've done some little things around here that have needed doing for awhile. I attended to the porch plants which I do every week, of course. Even they are looking vastly relieved at the change in the amount of water in the air, I guess. 
And then, I did something that I should have taken care of a very long time ago. 
I didn't really realize how long it's been since I last did it but boy, did I find out today. 
Such a simple little task. 
I have a dorm-sized refrigerator beside my regular refrigerator and that's where I store a lot of my grains and my beans and some things like nuts and a few spices. I've got my grits, my different rices, my couscous, my quinoa, my lentils, pecans, sunflower seeds, ground flax seed, oat bran, corn meal, whole wheat and almond flours...you know. That sort of thing. 
I like being able to do this. I hate wasting food when I keep it so long that it becomes rancid and this is such a simple solution to the problem. I can buy more in bulk of the things I use a lot of and be reassured that it will be fine even if it takes me awhile to use it. Same with things that I don't use very often like sesame seeds or pine nuts which are quite expensive and I use sparingly. 
And generally, this works out well but sometimes...okay, there is a limit as to how long one can store certain things, especially if they somehow become damp. Today I learned this in such a visceral way that I will never, ever forget it. 
I found, behind some lentils and stuff, a lump of...WHO THE FUCK KNOWS?
It was so degraded that I could not begin to read what the packaging said and the packaging was mostly dissolved anyway because it was so moldy, so nasty, so...
No. Just no. 
And then...when I bravely went to take hold of it in order to remove it and throw it away, my fingers felt something that felt like (oh god, I really should not tell you this but let's look upon it as a warning for all of us)...mucous. 
There was mucosity involved. 
Never in my life have I come across something this disgusting and gross and nausea-inducing. And I have been a nurse and a mother to four. 
I made a noise which I am fairly sure I've never made before, even when coming across one of Maurice's bloody gifts and I immediately jerked my hand back and got a paper towel with which I grabbed it with my eyes shut and threw it into a plastic bag which went into the trash. 
It may or may not have been an alien life form. I wasn't taking any chances. 
But now, the little refrigerator is all clean and sparkly. All of the iffy things are in the compost and I have a much better idea of the inventory there. 

On the one hand, I feel so much better, knowing that all is tidy and usable and easy to find and on the other hand, I feel a great sense of horror that such a thing could have happened on my watch. 

The other main thing I did was to finish wrapping up the breakable items I'd winnowed from my kitchen when I bought the beautiful lady tray and new martini glasses which instigated an entire space-creating situation in which I went through everything in that area and made my life a whole lot easier and neater by deciding on what I really wanted to keep and what I really did not care about and which none of the children wanted.

The things I was ready to get rid of have been sitting in the hallway on small tables which came from Tom's and I do believe that Mr. Moon had come to believe they were part of my decor. 
And honestly, there is no reason for him to have believed otherwise. 
But today I got all those things wrapped and in a box ready to go to Oak Tree Treasures and I also did a quick try-on of several things in my closet which I was feeling iffy about and Oak Tree will be getting some fairly lovely garments soon. 
As I keep saying about everything I do these days- little by little. 

Here's a picture Mr. Moon took last week of two of our crows in the side yard where they were dining on something tasty that had arisen after he mowed.

 

That's the view over the herb/flower/whatever bed beside the kitchen. His view from there is completely different than mine. I wonder why. 
The cool thing about this picture is how the bird's head and what looks like a bird's tail are in the foreground, reflecting the birds in the yard. 
This is where those came from. 

Two sets of wind chimes. 

And do you see the squirrel in the picture Glen took? 

Unfortunately we have no squirrel wind chimes. 

Roses and tea olive. 
I can't believe I even debated for one minute about whether to buy that vase in the thrift store in North Carolina this summer. It has been in use at least 85% of the time I've had it. And it cost what? Four dollars? Maybe? 

Go ahead and buy the things that make your heart happy, and then make room for them by getting rid of things that your heart is not that excited about. 
These are my words of wisdom for the day. 

But you know what I always say- don't ask me. I don't know shit. 

Love...Ms. Moon 

Plants And People. Beaches And Boats. Fishes And A Pretty Fine Day

When I was out with Lily and Lauren for lunch last Wednesday, I said, "Y'all- I gotta get a picture."
Lauren said, "For the blog?"
"Yes!" I said. "I need to post some pictures that aren't..."
"Of a plant?" she asked. 
"YES!" 
Not that there's anything wrong with plant pictures but let's face it. In the grand scheme of things, pictures of humans are generally the most interesting, pictures of animals, including pets come after that, and then we have...plants. 
So there's yet one more picture of the Seminole pumpkin ripening on the fence with a bloom on the same vine which is making another pumpkin. I really thought they were all done. At the moment I have six pumpkins that will be ready to pick soon. I think this will be all the pumpkins I need to satisfy all of our pumpkin needs. 

I have more plant pictures. Here's one of a flower you get to see at least twice a year because they bloom twice a year. and I always consider that blog-worthy.

One of my very favorite tiny buds in the world. Not only are they minuscule which makes them adorable, they also have one of the most delicious scents in the entire world and I always smell them before I see them. I've been smelling them on the back porch for a day or two but it took me this long to figure it out. 

The tea olive. And yes, my thumb is indeed the thumb of a person who digs in the dirt without gloves on. I try, y'all but I'm sure I could try harder. Honestly, I feel like my hands are clean enough for cooking and so forth and there's only so much scrubbing I care to do. Now that I'm looking at that picture, my fingers look alarmingly like something that may or may not belong on a human hand. 
Oh well. 

We got rain most of the night, I think, and have gotten more on and off all day. The weather widget says we have 100% chance of getting more tomorrow and Tuesday and then although the odds are lower, even more the rest of the week. The temperatures have come down a little bit but the humidity is 89% so it ain't exactly fall-like. I've checked the forecast for St. George for next weekend's gathering and unless things change dramatically, we'll be getting a lot of rain there too. This will seem odd as I can't recall it ever raining while we were there before. We've had incredibly beautiful blue skies and cooler temps but I believe we've always gone a little later in the year. Terry and I are always the only ones who jump into the Gulf and she handles it far better than I do, as she lives in Denver where cold is really cold. 
I'm always so glad I did do a plunge though and often come out saying, "That was magnificent!" And it always is. 

In fact, I have a picture of Terry standing on the beach, looking at the water from last year. 

And for the hell of it and to post another picture of the human variety, here's this one, also from last year. 

Do you remember this? 
We are older, we are battle scarred, we are beautiful. 

Okay. What was I talking about? 
No idea. 
Pictures. I think pictures shall be the theme here this evening. Don't worry. I don't have many more. 

So it's been a good and laid back day. I actually worked on the jigsaw puzzle I've had in progress in the dining room for what seems like an eternity while I listened to an audio book, of course. Mr. Moon got up early and went dove hunting which was exactly what he needed to do. I did not ask for a report on the poor doves. Sometimes I just do not need to know. But it was such a good break from the routine he's been keeping lately due to ICU fatigue, worry, stress, and all that other stuff which is not really conducive to an enjoyable life. I made us a nice breakfast when he got back and we've had a very nice cuddle and we've had some very sweet chats and life, at this moment, seems ridiculously good. 

And now I'm going to go cook some of the beautiful hog-snapper filets his dove-hunting buddy gave him. 
Did you have any idea how many types of snapper fish there are? Hog snappers are the kind of fish we have eaten with such appreciation and enjoyment in Cozumel on the "other side" of the island which is still very much in a natural state with only a few beach bars and restaurants. 
Another picture!

Don't you even tell me that you could not possibly eat a fish that looked like that. 
I can and I did and I would love to eat far more of it than I have and even as a woman from Florida who has been fortunate enough to eat some of the most amazing seafood available in the world, I can say that hog snapper was probably the most delicious fish I ever ate in my life. 
I hope to do these filets justice and honor. 

Ooh. I just realized I have some pickled red onions that Jessie made and brought to the Taco Bar Birthday Bash. Also- avocados. But let's face it. There is nothing in the world I could do with this fish to equal how a hog snapper tastes at Chen Rio in Cozumel.

From those boats to that table. 

Oh. Sigh. 

Love...Ms. Moon

True And Eternal Love

I think perhaps I woke up this morning with an emotion hangover. I don't know. It was like my heart had been too overcome in the last few days, few weeks, and it couldn't hold any more. Add to that, my dreams have been very full of the upcoming trip to St. George Island with my girls. 
My girls. The women with whom I struggled through nursing school, studying, surviving our clinicals, especially the ones we took one summer semester to the Chattahoochee State Hospital which is where we did our psych rotation on locked wards with people who ranged from probably suffering nothing more than having been in an institution their entire lives to at least one woman who had, according to her, uh, killed another patient in a different state hospital. She told us this while we were in a sort of isolated kitchen area making chocolate chip cookies with our patients. 
That was an experience I'll never forget. 
That one and many, many more.
We bonded over all of it and we bonded over going out on Friday nights and dancing to rock and roll bands where we all had our favorite musicians and we let off steam and we sometimes fell in love and we all knew every detail of everyone's love affairs and love encounters and, well, all that stuff, and we got dressed together before we went out and Vicky, our Accessory Expert, would advise us as to belts. "Create a waist," we used to tell each other. 
We got through it all. By the time we graduated, I'd remarried and was expecting my third child- Lily Rose Moon. And by the way, I just found a picture of the day she was born. 

Glen did not have a gray hair that day. 
It was not long after, though, that he began to grow many gray hairs. And yes, I had a perm (it was the 80's) and Hank and May were nine and seven and I was deliriously happy and I think my husband of one year and one month was too. 

But the picture I was looking for is this one. 

1985. 
And yes, they made maternity nursing uniforms. 
The woman on the right there was part of our holy/unholy support coven but she has fallen away from us. Long story. Not the time to tell it. 
But Vicky, the woman next to me, and Terry, the woman next to her, and I, plus another woman who has been Vicky's ride or die forever, are the four who get together on St. George to celebrate ourselves, our seemingly (by now) eternal friendship, our bond formed by such hard work, many tears, so many laughs, and a whole lotta love. 
And every time we meet it's always the same. 
We click right back to where we were. I'm the old one, Terry's the baby, Vicky's a year older than Terry is. I think.
And it's the most wonderful thing in the world while at the same time, it is terrifying for me. 
Here's the question I always ask myself- will they still love me? I am the cynic, the cranky one, the anxious one, the most outspoken one on a whole lot of subjects.
But honestly, that's not the most terrifying thing. 
That would be that one of us has had a diagnosis of cancer for several years now. A serious cancer. And you know it's not me. It's one of my other darling girls and I am terrified that each time we meet, it will be the last time although I have seen no real changes in her, energy or health-wise. She has always been the strongest among us in many ways, and if there has ever been a survivor, it is she. She is an eternally powerful force on this planet for good and for love. And she has much to live for. All of it love.
So there's a whole lot of emotion going into this weekend. Powerful, powerful emotions. I know that we will no doubt cry and we will no doubt roar with laughter and we will no doubt tell each other secrets we don't trust with anyone else. But somehow, just thinking about all of it in the days before we meet up, I become overwhelmed.

It's okay. This is the way I am. 

But I woke up this morning with one of those dreams barely faded and add that to everything that's been going on and it's been one of those days. I do not want to be this way right now. Mr. Moon does not need one more thing to add to his list of shitty stuff he can't control or fix. It's okay, though. I told him a few hours ago that as we know, this will pass. He agreed that I'd taught him that and I think he knows he's not responsible for my damn moods. 

So I just did little things today. I used my new basket to try and organize my yarns and needlework tools. It's a beautiful basket. 

The one on the left. 
There was sorting and untangling involved along with weeding out bits and bobs of yarn I knew were never going to be made into anything and weren't worthy of the space they took up. Let's face it- most of what I have won't be made into anything. I am a lousy needleworker. But I am a fool for beautiful yarns and when I find a stash at a thrift store, I have to bring it home. 
So I managed to cut down on the number of other baskets and bags although I now have two nice, empty baskets I don't need for any purpose I can think of. The bags will join the shopping bags in the trunk of my car. 
And that was something. There is great satisfaction in tidying. 

Here's another thing I did. 

Don't know if you remember but quite possibly at least a year ago, I bought those two lamps in Monticello, ostensibly for the cabin. I finally decided that they were not serving any purpose, stashed away as they have been and who knows when they might make their way to Lake Seminole, so I put them on the old vanity in the hallway where I keep the treasures. 
Not sure I'm really happy about them but it's a change. 

We've gotten a lot of rain today which is a beautiful thing. It has come and it has gone and then it has come again. The temperature has dropped a little. 
Gratefulness is in abundance. 
Oh god. That sounds so new age or something. 
I'll just say I'm happier than hell about it. We're supposed to get more tomorrow. 
Perhaps I'll do a little bit of knitting. Or crocheting. 
We shall see. 

Love...Ms. Moon

So Much In My Heart Today

I do believe the gumbo I made yesterday was the best I've ever made. It was so damn good that when I was tasting it before it was quite ready to eat, I thought it to be so delicious that I almost forgot to put the shrimp in which you only do at the last minute because shrimp just need a tiny bit of heat to cook. Otherwise, they become dry and stringy. As you can see, these shrimp look plump and luscious.
They were. 
I am so glad that I made it last night and can share it with Mr. Moon tonight. I can definitely cook under the influence of a martini or two but it's a lovely treat to not have to worry about it. 
And the bread turned out to be not so bad at all. A little dense, but not brick-like. 
Glen is home and I am so glad. I can tell this is all wearing on him in a way I've never seen anything wear on him before. He just realized today that his hunting trip to Canada is coming up soon- the 14th of this month, so only twelve days away. Honestly, I've never been so glad to think about him leaving the country to go do whatever it is that those men do with guns and dogs while wearing camo. I want him to just be in a place where he has no responsibilities to fulfill. Where he can eat manly foods and make manly conversation, and, well... do manly things with other manly men who, I do believe, are all good guys. And since one of them is an ER doc, I feel just that tiny bit better. 

I've had a fine day. I actually went to town for the tiniest bit of shopping. I didn't even get in touch with any of the kids because I left here after lunch time and wanted to slide in and slide out, incognito. 
Well, not really. But you know what I mean. 
The only sort of "fun" shopping I did was to stop by Oak Tree treasures where I bought a silk shirt and a cool basket and two nice napkins made of linen with one corner per each made of tatting. I plan on using the basket to try and organize some of my knitting and crocheting materials which at this point, are spread among several bags and small baskets with absolutely no sense of order. 
That was my rationalization for buying it, anyway. And the price did not break the bank. 

I had an unexpected exchange today via FB messenger with the daughter of one of my brothers. She is my only niece. I know I don't talk about my brothers much and the reason for that is because we are either estranged or mostly estranged from each other. I have talked about this before. I wish I could give you reasons for these estrangements and I do have a few thoughts on why one brother and I rarely talk, but as for the other two, I am honestly not sure what happened but it happened after Mother died and it involved the will and money, of course, as these things always do. 
I believe the financial stuff becomes the fetid boil which began to grow and fester many, many years before when you are raised in a family as dysfunctional as ours was. 
But I had not been in touch with this beautiful girl for many years and she's all grown up now and living in another state far away and I sent her a friend request on Facebook which she did answer with an acceptance. 
That was a while ago but today, we actually began to communicate. She reached out to me and was very tentative at first which I quickly realized was due to the whole will/money thing and as I told her, I honestly wasn't sure what the entire problem had been and that we should have dealt with it right away but that somehow, Glen and I had deeply hurt both of my younger brothers, the boys I consider to have been my first babies. And I told her that whatever we had done, I know it had hurt my brothers terribly and for that I was so very sorry. 
And by god, I am. 
To think that we have been so out of touch for so long because of something I'm not even sure about but which I do not doubt caused great pain to my brothers. 
But within a few message paragraphs, my niece and I seem to have come to an understanding, at least and my soul was so much more at rest. I told her that I had just thought about her yesterday, as a matter of fact, and how, when she was a little girl, she had sat at my kitchen island and looked around at all the colorful and funky and whimsical stuff I had hanging on the walls and on shelves and she sighed and said, "When I grow up, I want to have a house just like this."
I told my niece today that nothing either before or since has charmed me quite so much. 
And then she told me that she'd read my blog post about that more than once and she still wants a house just like this one.
Oh my heart! 
Oh my darling girl!  
I think of the wasted time, thirteen years between my mother's death and now. Thirteen years of my niece and her brother, my nephew, growing up. Thirteen years of not being in close contact with her father, her mother, and the brother who is a year younger than her dad who has been completely incommunicado since that time. 

This is some fucked-up shit. 
(Niece- if you are reading this you obviously know by now that I curse frequently. I am your profane and blasphemous aunt.)

Here's a picture of my niece and my nephew when they came to spend the night here. 

This has given me the motivation I need to call my brother, her daddy, to make a date to at least have lunch. 

How incredibly twisted and ridiculously foolish and truly and horribly hurt and hurtful we humans can be. Bless our tender beating hearts. 

Dear Niece- thank you. 

Happy Friday, y'all. 

Love...Aunt Mary, Ms. Moon