For some reason I thought that maybe he'd not go into work today or perhaps go in late or...something.
"I didn't make you a lunch," I said.
"That's all right," he told me and gave me a hug.
We ended up meeting for lunch in town anyway. It was Owen and Gibson's last day of school before summer vacation and we got together at the restaurant where May works which was not great timing on our part because the health inspector showed up today and as anyone who has ever worked in food service knows. that's just damn stressful.
Plus it was busy.
But we got good lunches anyway because May is a professional although we didn't go through our usual routine of hundreds of hugs.
August and Gibson. I like Gibson's hair.
Levon and his mama. When I came into the restaurant, he puckered up and I leaned over and got a kiss from him. He's starting to be more affectionate and I love it.
And I didn't get one other picture. Not one.
I'm in a slough of despair here lately. I don't know what's going on. It appears to me that I am refusing to enjoy my life. I'm going through all of the motions but it all feels a bit lifeless.
Plod, plod, plod.
That's what it feels like.
I never feel as if I have anything to offer when it comes to conversation or social situations. I feel like an observer and not a participant. Not with the children, so much. They are so present in themselves that it's almost impossible not to join them there on that level. I took Maggie to the restroom with me today because she said she needed to go and as I sat on the toilet she said, "Good job, peeing, Mer!" and how can you not respond to that in kind?
"Thank-you, Maggie," I said.
It's been a long time since I was congratulated on my peeing ability.
Sorry if that's a bit too personal but the fact of the matter is, we all pee. If we don't, we die so it's a pretty important function.
And that was about the highlight of my day.
I came home and weeded some beans and corn and then started pulling more crocosmia in the backyard near the porch. I couldn't make it much longer than an hour at these chores. Although the temperature had fallen to a relatively balmy 91, it feels more humid and thus, still miserable. It almost looked like we might get some rain but it passed without touching us and the forecast doesn't call for more until next Friday and that's a ridiculous amount of time to be forecasting for and doesn't mean shit.
One thing I did do today was to sign us up for a free trial of HBO so that we can watch the Deadwood movie tonight. I've been looking forward to this for a long time. As I may have mentioned before, I think that Deadwood is the best thing I've ever seen on TV. The language slays me and I'm not just talking about the cursing which is absolutely the most profoundly and perfectly profane use of cussing I've ever heard.
I stand in awe.
No, it's not just that. It's the Elizabethan slant and tilt to it all with the vulgarity fitted in so sweetly and naturally that I swoon.
And oh my god- the characters and the actors who portray them!
And the set, which is a thing of wonder.
The writing, the plots, the whole dang thing is just so excellent.
So yes, I am looking forward to that.
And I suppose this is all I have to say this evening. I'm not even going to go into my usual, "This too shall pass, I know that...blah, blah, blah."
And I'm not feeling inclined to list all of the many reasons I have for being grateful.
I am grateful. Fucking grateful.
I guess I'm going to just "sit with my feelings" as the newest advice goes when it comes to these things.
Yeah. I'll sit with them. And sleep with them. And weed with them. And cook with them. And do the dishes with them. And make the bed with them. And obviously, write with them.
Time to cook the supper.
Happy Friday, y'all.