You know what? I don't have any Heavy Thoughts this morning. Nor do I have anything amusing. I am basically shit-for-blogger!
I just got an e-mail from the Beloved and Fabulous Ms. Bastard-Beloved and she asked me what was on the agenda for life in Lloyd today. I replied, "I've already taken the trash and recycle so my work here is DONE! Haha!"
This is the level of communication which Ms. Bastard-Beloved and I share. It's a precious thing.
Anyway, I got all the laundry done yesterday AND went to town and saw the NP. She's a funny little thing. I always cry when I talk to her and she always reaches into a drawer and finds one of those take-away packs of Kleenex and she struggles with it and hands me one with about as much compassion as she would in handing me a paper towel after a pap smear and pelvic.
I cried because I was telling her about Jessie Moon graduating and leaving town. She said, "Well, that's a big transition for you, too."
Uh. Yes. Yes, it is.
She doesn't know that this patient of hers is the most self-examined woman in the world. Not her fault.
She recommended some blood tests for hormone levels and some saliva tests for adrenal levels and some supplements. So okay.
I drove to the New Thief Market, as we so lovingly call our Co-op. I got the supplements and a bag of apples.
Then I drove to Publix where I picked up my Lexapro and some groceries including a lovely, tiny piece of salmon that I cooked for myself last night with an entire bag of spinach and green onions and red peppers. Mr. Moon called while I was cooking the onions and peppers. "What should I eat for dinner?" he asked me.
I promised to make him a little baked organic chicken and some broccoli tonight. What more could I do?
I love that he trusts me with his nutritional needs. We decided one night recently that the reason Pearl is still alive (and I just checked- she is) is that she's been eating my food for all these years. Forget those high-dollar dog foods. Give them the cheap shit and supplement with good human food. And plenty of deer liver during hunting season.
Well. Works for us.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Publix. I was depressed yesterday. And anxious. Depressed and anxious. Ooh boy. Bad combo. Like a crack addict paired up with a meth addict. Nothing can go wrong with THAT plan, right?
So when I went to bed last night I was pret-ty, pret-ty proud that I'd done what I'd done during the day. Taken a walk, gotten the laundry done, gone to town, taken care of medical situations, made a long overdue appointment to get my teeth cleaned, made an appointment for Mr. Moon to have his dental problem checked out, AND cooked myself a lovely piece of salmon. With all those vegetables.
So. Trash and recycle and now Owen's coming and tonight the chicken and broccoli and here we are. I'm trying like hell to make myself keep the chickens in the coop because I know that if I did that for a couple of days they'd start laying in their nest again but honestly, I'm so nuts that I'd rather see chickens scratching around the yard being all happy and shit than I care about eggs. My pioneer foremothers are laughing their asses off.
So that's me today. I am certainly not Super Woman. I am Barely Adequate Woman and think I deserve some sort of sparkly tiara for taking the trash. And planning to cook broccoli.
Don't forget that.
Be productive, y'all! Use me as the bar to judge yourselves. It'll make you feel so much better.
Oh, Christ, I am the LEAST productive person in the world. My ex had the Lutheran work ethic. If he wasn't being productive, he wasn't happy and fulfilled. I am only happy when I am sitting on my fat ass with a glass of wine, enjoying the view or watching the cats, who give me great pleasure, much like your chickens do you.ReplyDelete
Fuck the Puritans and their cocksucking work ethic, I say!
Mary, you are worth SO MUCH MORE than what you do. You are worthwhile, intrinsically, in your being, and I ADORE YOU! Just breathe, and the Universe is glad of it. I am certain.
But whatever makes you happy.
hee hee hee! You funny, even when you're anxiety ridden..ReplyDelete
Love you so,
I'm at a point in my life where, sometimes, (don't laugh!) I realize all the years have dribbled away and I need to get a move on before the rest of it is gone.ReplyDelete
I'm not 60 yet. But both my parents died by then. And so....I think that is probably what it is. I am 25x healthier than either of them ever were. The world is much changed. But still...my mother died at 55, and I think I held my breath that whole year.
MOST days, however...I delight in my chickens and my cats and in organic bananas. I drink my home-grown kefir every morning. I look at my shelves of lovingly grown organic vegetables that I canned myself...and I think that all IS right with the world.
SOme days a girl just has to sit on her fat ass and gaze into the distance.
beside you in the bright...and also the dark.ReplyDelete
love you mary...
New Thief Market. LOL! We have one of those too.ReplyDelete
I'm glad that yesterday is over as well. I felt a free-floating anxiety nearly all day that I was pushing away willfully. Then I got that insurance notice and felt the heights of anxiety. Then it was over, and today is a new day, although everything is much the same. Less anxiety, but I'm off for a follow-up appt. with my doctor. Ugh.ReplyDelete
I'd say you kicked ass yesterday, and if you don't want to do more than trash and recycle duties today, than so be it! You went to the NP AND you made a dentist appt - that's big:)ReplyDelete
Enjoy Owen time.
Don't give yourself a hard time! You're wonderful! I adore you and SB xxReplyDelete
Haha! You definitely deserve a sparkly tiara! xx
I am reveling in being totally unproductive today.ReplyDelete
Everyone deserves a day off. Read a novel, take a bubble bath, sort pictures of Owen, sit in your flower garden, whatever makes you feel content.ReplyDelete
PS If you're counting personal productivity, don't forget all the smiles you've given people.
I'm with Kathleen Scott on this one.ReplyDelete
Ms. Bastard-Beloved- I don't know where this work ethic of mine comes from but I wish it would leave me and go back there. Sucks! You're so precious. I'm going to try and remember what you said. I don't know if it's true but I'm going to try and believe it.ReplyDelete
Ms. Fleur- Gotta keep the sense of humor.
Akannie- That made me feel guilty! You can your vegies! You make keffir! Ah, lah. I'm a loser! Yes! Time is speeding by.
Medusa- Hello, hello!
And I didn't make that up. I wish I had.
rebecca- Same here and I love you too.
Elizabeth- How did it go?
You know how nervous those things make me. I get anxious just thinking about you having to go. Seriously. For real.
Jill- For me, HUGE!
Christina- I think I should go to the party store and buy one.
Kathleen Scott- Well, Owen was here so there wasn't much down time. But it was fun anyway.
And thanks about the smiles.
Nicol- Thank-you, too!
I go to see my Dr. next week and I have much to talk about..wonder? Like how in one year can so much of a woman's body change? I guess at least hormonally I feel fine.ReplyDelete
I have had zip interest in cooking of late. My Love has been the shopper (thank you dear) and brings home dinner for me to fix. If it is in front of me I can come up with some idea...sort of.
I think it is the in-be-tween season jag I have. Not winter, wet Spring, wanting more sunshine (today at last it is sunny!).
I just feel overwhelmed these past several days...I need a good nights sleep as well.
Ellen- Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. My favorite thing. Good luck with your doctor.ReplyDelete
I think doing just one of these things is plenty for a depressed day. I would vote white wine and girlfriends. Maybe some TV.ReplyDelete