Fighting With Flight

Ah, it's been a good day. Owen came out early and we did everything and then we took a nap, got up and had our lunch and Aunt May-May came out.
As soon as I told Owen that May-May was coming, he lost it. He is in LOVE with Aunt May-May. We went outside and waited and then, sure enough, out she came and she grabbed him up and he hugged and hugged her and then he showed her everything from Betty Boop hanging on the wall to the mule. She had to see it all!
And she did.
And she did laundry and Owen helped her, as you can see.

Okay. It's a little blurry but I like the way he is looking at her so adoringly.

It was just so wonderful to have May here. She works so much and doesn't get out too often, so when she does, I want to kill the fatted calf. Or at least give her an apple and some yogurt and then eggs to take home and whatever I can find in the refrigerator.
It was just so perfect.
We took Owen to Publix when his mama got off work and we did some shopping and then came home and May finished her laundry and we had espresso and talked some more and it was just perfect.
Perfect.

Just as she was leaving, Bop got home and there were more hugs and then Lily and Owen and Jason came back and we all ate supper and Owen had his bath and baby massage and books and songs and more books and some nurseys and now Mama and Daddy are getting ready to leave, to drive partway to Atlanta for their anniversary trip away and Owen's bed is in Mer-Mer and Bop's room and he's spending tonight and tomorrow night.

Lily's about to puke from nerves and, well, let's just say it- guilt. This is what mama's do. I keep telling her to quit worrying, to quit feeling guilty! That he's going to be fine and wonderful and that it's time for Mama and Daddy to be Lily and Jason, and Wife and Husband and to just go off and enjoy each other. And they will.
It's just the leaving. That's the hardest part.
Stretching that umbilical cord for the first time is just the hardest thing ever.
Lord, I remember.

And I'm thinking about that as I realize that it's less than a month away when my own baby is going to graduate from nursing school and turn 22 and leave home to go live in North Carolina with her Vergil.
Every time I start to think about that, I get weepy and then I immediately snap myself out of it and think, "no, no, no, I'll think of that later," all Scarlett O'Hara-like and logically, I know that her leaving is the best, very best thing she can do. It's time. It's time to go away and be herself and start a new life. It's what we've raised her for.
No matter how much my heart thinks she needs to stay in my back pocket forever.
My heart will be fine.

And so will Lily's.

Oh, the way the heart changes when a baby is born. There is no preparation for this change. No way to read about and know, no way to hear the stories of others and understand. Until it happens, it is a vague and interesting concept.
And that changed- heart- it doesn't want to let go.

But. Let go it must. At first for a few hours, then half a day, then, oh, before you know it, a night or two. And it's good and it's healthy and it's all just tiny hops from the nest before the wings come in and flight occurs and even then, it's so good to remember that wings can carry the grown babies away and wings can carry them back.
To the nest.
To the nest where we go on with our own lives as our raised-up babies go on with theirs.

It's the reason for it all and it makes no sense and it's insane not to want it to be that way and mothers are pretty much, by definition, insane.
Can't speak for fathers, but I sure can for mothers.

Okay. That boy is asleep. Time for Mama and Daddy to hit the road for their adventures.
They'll be fine. Owen will be fine, Bop-Bop and Mer-Mer will be fine.
All will be well.

BUT, I gotta tell you, I know for sure that I'm not going to be hanging out here on the corner of Blog and Love much for the next few days. I'm going to be running, running, keeping up with that grandson of mine. And I think that Billy and Waylon are coming out tomorrow so our boys can play together and that's going to be SO MUCH FUN!

But. If you don't see my face, you'll know where I am.

Carrying a boy around in my back-pocket, cutting up apples and changing diapers and reading books and cracking jokes and finding eggs and discussing snakes and singing songs and making noodles and hugging dogs and drinking lots and lots and lots of coffee.

And trying to get ready in my heart and soul for Jessie's first real flight and well, I'll report in. You know it.

In the meantime, let's all get some rest.

Hearts and wings need rest and plenty of it because no matter how old we are, or at what stage of life we're in, we are all growing, we are all changing, we are all flying and coming home, letting go and taking in, planting roots and nurturing gardens at the same time that we dream of sailing away and lifting our heads towards the sky as we soar upwards into the golden, shining light.