Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Fighting With Flight

Ah, it's been a good day. Owen came out early and we did everything and then we took a nap, got up and had our lunch and Aunt May-May came out.
As soon as I told Owen that May-May was coming, he lost it. He is in LOVE with Aunt May-May. We went outside and waited and then, sure enough, out she came and she grabbed him up and he hugged and hugged her and then he showed her everything from Betty Boop hanging on the wall to the mule. She had to see it all!
And she did.
And she did laundry and Owen helped her, as you can see.

Okay. It's a little blurry but I like the way he is looking at her so adoringly.

It was just so wonderful to have May here. She works so much and doesn't get out too often, so when she does, I want to kill the fatted calf. Or at least give her an apple and some yogurt and then eggs to take home and whatever I can find in the refrigerator.
It was just so perfect.
We took Owen to Publix when his mama got off work and we did some shopping and then came home and May finished her laundry and we had espresso and talked some more and it was just perfect.

Just as she was leaving, Bop got home and there were more hugs and then Lily and Owen and Jason came back and we all ate supper and Owen had his bath and baby massage and books and songs and more books and some nurseys and now Mama and Daddy are getting ready to leave, to drive partway to Atlanta for their anniversary trip away and Owen's bed is in Mer-Mer and Bop's room and he's spending tonight and tomorrow night.

Lily's about to puke from nerves and, well, let's just say it- guilt. This is what mama's do. I keep telling her to quit worrying, to quit feeling guilty! That he's going to be fine and wonderful and that it's time for Mama and Daddy to be Lily and Jason, and Wife and Husband and to just go off and enjoy each other. And they will.
It's just the leaving. That's the hardest part.
Stretching that umbilical cord for the first time is just the hardest thing ever.
Lord, I remember.

And I'm thinking about that as I realize that it's less than a month away when my own baby is going to graduate from nursing school and turn 22 and leave home to go live in North Carolina with her Vergil.
Every time I start to think about that, I get weepy and then I immediately snap myself out of it and think, "no, no, no, I'll think of that later," all Scarlett O'Hara-like and logically, I know that her leaving is the best, very best thing she can do. It's time. It's time to go away and be herself and start a new life. It's what we've raised her for.
No matter how much my heart thinks she needs to stay in my back pocket forever.
My heart will be fine.

And so will Lily's.

Oh, the way the heart changes when a baby is born. There is no preparation for this change. No way to read about and know, no way to hear the stories of others and understand. Until it happens, it is a vague and interesting concept.
And that changed- heart- it doesn't want to let go.

But. Let go it must. At first for a few hours, then half a day, then, oh, before you know it, a night or two. And it's good and it's healthy and it's all just tiny hops from the nest before the wings come in and flight occurs and even then, it's so good to remember that wings can carry the grown babies away and wings can carry them back.
To the nest.
To the nest where we go on with our own lives as our raised-up babies go on with theirs.

It's the reason for it all and it makes no sense and it's insane not to want it to be that way and mothers are pretty much, by definition, insane.
Can't speak for fathers, but I sure can for mothers.

Okay. That boy is asleep. Time for Mama and Daddy to hit the road for their adventures.
They'll be fine. Owen will be fine, Bop-Bop and Mer-Mer will be fine.
All will be well.

BUT, I gotta tell you, I know for sure that I'm not going to be hanging out here on the corner of Blog and Love much for the next few days. I'm going to be running, running, keeping up with that grandson of mine. And I think that Billy and Waylon are coming out tomorrow so our boys can play together and that's going to be SO MUCH FUN!

But. If you don't see my face, you'll know where I am.

Carrying a boy around in my back-pocket, cutting up apples and changing diapers and reading books and cracking jokes and finding eggs and discussing snakes and singing songs and making noodles and hugging dogs and drinking lots and lots and lots of coffee.

And trying to get ready in my heart and soul for Jessie's first real flight and well, I'll report in. You know it.

In the meantime, let's all get some rest.

Hearts and wings need rest and plenty of it because no matter how old we are, or at what stage of life we're in, we are all growing, we are all changing, we are all flying and coming home, letting go and taking in, planting roots and nurturing gardens at the same time that we dream of sailing away and lifting our heads towards the sky as we soar upwards into the golden, shining light.


  1. It was just the best best day. A day in paradise, surrounded by love. Thank you, Mama. I love you so much!

  2. It's so hard when our babies fly away. I'll never get used to it, even though I know I have to let them go. I remember when my first was born, a dear friend said to me, your life has changed forever and you don' even know how much, and she said, it is completely like falling in love, and you'll never fall out of it either.

    She was right.

    I feel the tugging at your heart, but you have raised such loving souls, they will never stay away from you for long. Have fun with that beloved boy of yours. He, too, is so full of love. It comes from being so well loved by all of you. He shines.

  3. What a wonderful anniversary gift for Jason and Lily. I know Lily feels guilty but she also knows Owen could not be in better arms.

    It's going to be an adventurous 2 days. Have fun!

  4. My wings and heart are doing a whole lot of preparing these days. Thank you for building us this beautiful nest to come back to. Sure do love you Mama.

  5. And I just have to say that I love my May so much, too! Yes ma'am, I do.

  6. I am glad that it was a good day. And that little Owen will be safely surrounded by those that he loves. I never sensed that my parents were sad to see me go, but realize that they were. They hid it well.

  7. May- Aren't we lucky? I know I am. I love you.

    Angella- Isn't it just the darndest hardest thing to do what we have to? But yes, they come back. And they give us grandchildren to welcome into the nest and then...well, it all makes sense. Somehow.

    Mel's Way- So far we are!

    Lisa- It's so good that you're keeping track of every day. You won't believe how fast Bob Rosenberg grows up.

    HoneyLuna- It's a nice place to come home to, isn't it? I love you so much. So very, very much. And the way you and your siblings love each other just makes my heart happier than anything in this world.

    Syd- Yeah. Mine too.

  8. Bring him over this afternoon, we have a new bunny who is a very very very nice bunny. He thinks he's a dog! You can pet him forever and he LOVES it!

    I miss seeing May too. Hugs to her.

  9. I am in love with Aunt May-May. Owen has good taste!

  10. WOW, this whole post is amazing, but that last paragraph is particularly moving. I've written it down so I can always refer to it. Your writing just blows my mind!

    Jessie will be in your back-pocket forever, just as all your children are. That pocket's getting pretty full, but not as full as your heart, which is ever-expanding and oh-so-beautiful!!!

  11. We're starting to plan Queen Teen's "transition" into the world outside of school and I'm surprised at just how hard this is on me. I'm soooooo ready to stop being 24/7 Mommy.... or so I thought. Now I look at my almost 16 year old, beautiful daughter and I just want to wrap her up in my arms and squeeze tight until she begs me to let go. I'm trying to, honey. I really am.

  12. Much Loved Ms. Moon: I have been missing you, working on a blog for my also-much-loved Guana Reserve and not having time to write my own blog or read the ones I treasure. So I drop in late to the party and for that I'm sorry but I have to say that Mean Aunt Jessie and Her Vergil are as lovely an argument as I have ever seen for tiny birds, breathing deeply and plunging off the edge of the nest. I love y'all, and send light and blessings and goodness your ways, with that love.

  13. What a lovely post! And what a beautiful family you have. Enjoy the next few days Mary. Tons of love to you xx

  14. It is hard to stretch that umbilical cord. I had expected it to get easier with every child, but it doesn't. It's just as hard with the third. Isn't that strange?


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.