Today has been one of those days which has gone completely differently than I woke up thinking it would go.
Mr. Moon out of town, Owen not here, an entire day to let things settle, to dig in the garden, to finish some weeding, to just be.
Let it be, I said. Didn't I say that?
And then a surprise Owen-visit which was completely and exactly what I needed and then, oh dear Kathleen- her old dog Maggie died. She called me this morning to tell me she thought Maggie was going but we know how THAT can go. But then she called me later and from the tone of her voice I knew and said, "She went, didn't she?"
And of course I offered to go over to help her bury Maggie and of course she said no and that she'd already dug the grave but come on- you can't bury your old beloved friend alone. No. You cannot.
And so I got in the car and drove to Kathleen's where she had indeed already dug a hole that I sincerely doubt I could have dug. Not in one day. Deep and with sharp corners and already sprinkled with rose petals.
She has the strength of two men and a boy and the grace of an angel.
She held Maggie for a few moments and she said, "It's just one more thing." And she cried just a tiny bit.
In the past year she's gotten diagnosed with cancer, had to have another old beloved dog put down, was with her ex-husband when he died, and now this.
I'm sure there's more. I can't remember.
But here she is, continuing to work, planning the trip to Spain with her father, c0-directing a play, taking care of her dogs and cats and chickens and she has seventeen baby chicks in her guest bathtub.
After we buried Maggie, we went in to see the chicks and they are so cute. Each one completely different and we held them and stroked their soft feathers and tried to guess which would be roosters and which would be hens and there is such comfort in a chicken, or a flock of them, even (perhaps especially) if they are babies.
Babies who are starting to flap their wings and get out of the tub and are going to have to go outdoors sometime pretty soon and oh, what a joy it is to see chicks get their feet on the dirt for the first time, watch them as they begin to scratch and hunt for bugs and roots. It's just a damn beautiful sight.
To those of us who love chickens, anyway.
And I never would have known how much I loved them if Kathleen hadn't brought me that first batch two years ago.
And then I came home and the guy who cuts our yard was here and I like him and we talked, caught up on things. I haven't seen him since early last winter. He's such a nice guy and very intelligent but dear god, you cannot have a conversation with him without the End Times coming into it. No matter where the conversation starts, the End Times are going to be introduced at one point.
What the fuck is this fascination with the End Times?
Well. If it gives him comfort or keeps him on the straight and narrow- let him have the belief. We're all going to have our end times as surely as dear Maggie had hers today.
And now that I think about it, a woman came knocking on my door this morning and tried to give me a lurid pamphlet about Jesus and I caught the headline, "The blood of Jesus can save the world from its sins."
I told her I wasn't religious at all and no thanks and she went away but goddammit! Jesus's blood has had two-thousand years and the sins of the world show no real decrease as far as I can tell. And the poor man's been coming back for 2000 years and yet, not yet.
I will never in this lifetime understand why people believe such things. Ever. I can't even imagine why they'd WANT to.
Well. Another day. And the only thing I did with dirt was to shovel it on top of dear Maggie. Ah. I have an hour before dark. Maybe I'll go finish that weeding. And then sweep some of it that's in my hallway.
No. This day hasn't gone the way it was "supposed" to but honestly, I think it went the way it should have. I didn't have time to lay around and wallow in my feelings, I was up and doing and being helpful. And I am completely cognizant of the fact that in doing so, I was being helped more than anyone.
It's been a good day. The storm is still not here. The air may be heavy but the wind has been beautiful and Owen and I laughed when it almost took our hair off when we were on the porch. I just read that tonight after midnight we may have severe and damaging thunderstorms.
Well, we may.
But I'll be home, safe and tucked in and Pearl, who used to be so scared of storms that she shook and cried and tried to crawl into my lap when we had one, is now so deaf and unaware that she doesn't even blink an old eye.
And you know what? It doesn't make one damn bit of difference. She still survives them, curled up like an old lizard, a turtle baby, as the rain pours down outside and the thunder booms and the lightening flashes and she sleeps peacefully, unafraid and unaware that the breaths she is taking are some of her last and she, like Maggie, is blessed.
Me too. I am blessed.
With the love and wisdom of all of you who have commented here in the last 24 hours, in those of you who need something and allow me to help you, with too much to even know.
It's been a blessed day. And I never expected that.
I'm glad to hear you had a blessed day ms. moon. I spent the day with my 12 yr old nephew in from GA doing art.ReplyDelete
Ohh! Poor Kathleen. I'm glad you went round, that's very sad.ReplyDelete
Love you xx
Lisa D- Sounds perfect.ReplyDelete
Christina- I had to and it was better for me than it was for my darling Kathleen, I am sure. I told her that I could be calling HER tomorrow saying, "Pearl is dead. Come over." Isn't this what friendship is about?
Give your friend my condolences for Maggie...it's never easy, and from what you wrote, she has not had an easy time as of late..and thank you for being the kind of person to do that, it's not as common as I wish it was.ReplyDelete
And I never would how much I love YOU if Kathleen hadn't brought you that batch of chicks two years ago.ReplyDelete
And I do love you mucho
Yes, your day ended on a very different path than it started.ReplyDelete
Poor Kathleen. I'm amazed by her too. It's physically exhausting to dig a grave like that. I'm happy she didn't go through it alone. It's a true friend who will come help you bury your dead.
So Pearl losing her hearing is a blessing in some strange way. It would be awful for her to be so feeble and afraid. Hoping you have a good night and the storms pass you by.
I meant to call you all day... I've been thinking about you in earnest. Maybe tomorrow will be better for calling.ReplyDelete
Glad you had the day you needed - blessed with friendship and the love of a little boy. Hope you had a good night's rest to top it off. x0 N2ReplyDelete
Sometimes, the universe steps in and gives us opportunities to help others while we're really healing ourselves.ReplyDelete
I am just now catching up as yesterday was so full with tours, etc. Anyway, I am sorry about Maggie. And am glad that old Pearl survives. It reminds me of Jefferson and Adams in a way. Old friends who died within hours of each other. Don't know what made me think of that this morning. Take care. And the day was just the way it was supposed to be.ReplyDelete
Trying to predict the End Times is like trying to pinpoint tomorrow's weather. I'll worry about that shit if it happens. Dumb motherfuckers. Why don't these people take care of what's in front of them? What's wrong with them that they can't just live for today? Hell, I just try and make it through the damn day and back to bed at night. I don't have damn time to worry about a bunch of likely fictional shit. MORONS.ReplyDelete
I told you I am a grump.
I think people believe because it gives them hope. It is a bit depressing to think that this life is all there is. Maybe we give ourselves too much importance to think that we deserve better, or a chance at everlasting happiness. I don't know.ReplyDelete
That IS what friendship is all about.ReplyDelete
Love on you both.
Life has been hectic as always so I've been away from blogging for a while. But then I return to see what Ms. Moon has been up to and read this. Thank you for your beautiful writing.ReplyDelete
Now I'm going for a walk in this lovely Spring time world.
You are a good friend. Kathleen is a marvel. I find more often than not that doing what I think I should do, rather than what I planned or wanted to do, is often the most satisfying choice in the end.ReplyDelete
Speaking of end times, the idea of that cracks me up. People have been fearmongering over the end of the world since they could walk upright. I know exactly what the end times will be, because I love my physics and astronomy, and boy howdy, when our sun is near the end of it's life cycle and becomes a red giant, Earth will be dried, fried and incinerated - in about 6 billion years - so I try not to stress out about it. Maybe we will devolve back into monkeys or primordial goo by then, in a grand circle of life....
Sorry, but I digressed!
I'm so glad your day was unexpected and gave you back as much as you gave. Thanks for sharing it all with us.
Hmm. The earth will endure. It's us we need to worry about.ReplyDelete
So sorry about Kathleen's dog, glad you went over.ReplyDelete
Sometimes I can't stand how much I love you.