Sunday, June 24, 2012

What Keeps Me Sane

There's a lovely satellite image of why it's going to be a rainy day here in Florida. We woke up to deep gloom and a stillness and now the rain is beginning to patter down. A good day to be at home.
Thank-you, Tropical Storm Debby for bringing us rain and no real danger.
Mr. Moon always reads me the stats for what's going on in the Gulf from the paper and today seas are 8-11 feet and so thank god, he's not on the island but safely here, waiting for his breakfast. I have pancakes made with pureed blackberries, bananas, flax and pecans cooking. Buttermilk and yogurt are in there too. And there's bacon.


Breakfast over and it was good. I always cook about ten times the number of pancakes we actually eat. This morning after breakfast I said, "We might as well give them to the chickens now. You know they're going to get them eventually."
It's true.

The rain is coming down a bit harder now, there is something of a breeze. Distant storms are naught but blessings, especially if no one is getting pounded and with this one, most of the action is happening in the Gulf and hopefully, boats are far away. Not sure what we'll do today. Stay inside mostly.

Yesterday Lily did bring the boys out. Owen helped his Bop work on the tractor and then they came in and played chess. Okay, no, he can't really play chess but he likes to set up the board. He moves constantly that boy. I can't get a good picture of him to save my life.
He will stand still for a second, put his finger up to his cheek and say, "I have an idea!" and then zoom! off to put the idea into place. Of course his grandfather and I follow him around, helping out with the ideas. He loves to get out the giant floor puzzles and scatter the pieces and then tell us to put them together.
"Aren't you going to help?" we ask.
"Oh sure, sure," he says.

Lily was so tired. Gibson had gotten up at  4:30 in the morning and although he wasn't unhappy, he hadn't wanted to go back to bed until around 7:30. Just a happy, awake baby. We all had a sort of snacky-lunch in the kitchen, Owen and Bop sharing cut-up watermelon, and stabbing the pieces with cocktail swords which I buy specifically for Owen's eating pleasure. I'm a fool for him. We passed Gibson around like a party favor.

He really is that sweet. 

He and Lily took a little nap in the Panther room after our lunch and Bop and I played with the Idea Boy. We read part of a book, he and Bop hai-yaa'ed with bamboo sticks, we did puzzles, he pooped, Mer-Mer cleaned him up, it was lovely. Not the poop so much, but he was a good boy and let me change his diaper without much fuss and I don't know. There's not much I don't enjoy doing with him. He's so funny.  

Lily had promised Jason's mama that they would come over to swim in the early afternoon so when she and Gibson got up from their nap, she packed the boys back up and we got them all in the car and buckled up and they drove away. "I love you!" Owen called through the window of the car as he always does. And then Bop and I came in and tidied up the place and then Bop had to go sit in his chair and rest his eyes for awhile. 

I did some laundry, I wrote that post about Sandusky, my soul boiling a little. I took a little nap, I worked in the garden, weeding the new zinnias. 

I made us a dinner while listening to Prairie Home Companion that finally didn't make me sigh with frustration at how it turned out. Chicken and dumplings, but the way I do it, it's more of a slightly thickened chicken stew with dumplings thrown in to simmer at the end.

Here's how it looked before the dumplings went in. 
We watched another episode of Deadwood. 
Went to bed, read some very, very gentle chapters in Alexander McCall Smith's The Comforts of a Muddy Saturday and then slept. I had dreams that were only slightly disturbing. 

And that is how I do it. 

I don't take an antidepressant any more. Haven't since I left Mexico last January. But I do very much realize that I make my days as soothing and uncomplicated as I possibly can. I can't always, of course, but I do when I can. It's not even much of a conscious effort at this point in my life. I just center myself around this house, this yard, these chickens, this garden, these meals, these words, this writing, those babies, my children, my husband. 

Am I missing out on things?


We're getting pictures and a little video of what's going on on Dog Island this morning and there is nothing soothing about them. High winds and high water and although yes, I am so glad I'm not there, I know that storm exhilaration. But still...I'd be anxious, I'd be watching our beach erode even more. I'd be worrying myself sick about how we were going to cross the bay with 8-11 foot seas. The weather alert system would be going off every fifteen minutes with its alarm and robot voice, warning of water spouts and high winds and heavy rains. Better for me to be here where the rain is more gentle, the wind barely at all, and the ground receiving the water rather than being washed away by it. The frogs are trilling, the power is still on, another Sunday, I am still here, I haven't gone crazy. 

I know that the world is moving on all around me and great joys are occurring, great excitement, great tragedies, too. Right now, this second though, it is calm and peaceful here. I am grateful. Sundays can be difficult but I am spending this one in my soft, green nest of trees and plants and falling rain. 

I am, quite simply and perhaps selfishly, keeping sane.


  1. Selfishly? As opposed to what? C'mon.

    It's a lovely post, it's soothing in itself. Lovely days. I think being happy is as important or relevant as being challenged, especially in your fifties.

  2. I am in the middle of weaning myself off all of my prescription medications. I am down to .05mg of Ativan once a day at bedtime if I need it. Other than that I am on a low dose antidepressant that I want to cut in half. I don't know. I have been on medications for so long and nothing ever seems to really work. Meditation, Yoga, Reiki, gardening, soak on the hot tub and reading are the things that help keep me level.

    Sandusky's evil will affect countless generations. It will affect the victims and their children and their children's children. As I said, even though I never laid eyes on him, the man that abducted and raped my mom lived in our home everyday of my life. He helped raise us through the fear, anxiety, PTSD and depression my mom never got over. I have forgiven many evils in my life but I cannot forgive this man for what he did to my mother. I hope he burns in hell.

    I would love to come to your house for pancakes.

  3. Jo- Well. I feel bad sometimes that I am not more part of my community. I do.

    Birdie- When I needed my antidepressants, I NEEDED THEM. I think they may have saved my life. For sure, they saved my mind.
    I was thinking of your mother, among many others, when I wrote that post. More sorrow. I am so sorry that happened to your mother and thus, to you in its way.
    Pancakes are good. I would gladly share them with you.

  4. There are too many foods in your food! It's driving me nuts! Next thing I know you'll be posting feet pictures. I love your guts. (but not your feet)

  5. Gibson is absolutely, perfectly adorable.

    We don't get Prairie Home Companion anymore in St. Augustine and haven't for months. Thanks, Mr. Prick.

    I'm glad you are relatively sane ~ after all, who wants to be completely sane? I love you just the way you are, whatever that is on any given day!

  6. Daddy B- Oh come on! You know you want to come over for some leftovers and by the way- my toenails really need painting...
    Just kidding! Love you, baby.

    Lulumarie- Can you stream it? GOD! I would wither up and die if I couldn't get Garrison on Saturday nights.

  7. I think there is much to be said for not being too sane, but when the craziness gets too painful then it is a whole other story and meds can certainly help. For me, it was pain pills rather than anti-depressants. Nowadays it is so much nicer with no pills.
    Gibson is just getting cuter every day!

  8. Thanks, I never thought of streaming ~ I'll try next Saturday!

  9. You're also helping to keep many of us sane, to tell you the truth.

  10. That picture of Gibson is cuddly sweet adorable.

  11. That pot of food, even before dumplings, has my mouth watering! As always, love reading about your family, your home, your life, and keeping sane.

  12. Oh Ms Moon, I just love reading your words. You are such a talented writer. You just draw me in and make me feel like part of the family. I've watched Owen grow through your words and pictures and now I'm watching your newest little Gibson and it's just such a blessing. Thank You

  13. That boy is insanely cute and poses so lovingly.

    Please... bring the pancakes here! We'll eat them, I promise. In fact, I'll walk over and get them!

    Lucky chickens.


  14. I don't think that Dog Island would be a good place to be, although I would be on my boat and away from the marina if a storm comes through. I have a place all planned to take her where if the surge comes from a hurricane, she will be lifted and put on the marsh. Such a decision. But I won't leave.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.