Wednesday, June 13, 2012

What Crazy Is Like If You Have To Live With It

Although it doesn't APPEAR as if I have done anything today, that is far from the truth.
Maybe not that far. Maybe only about a quarter of a mile away from far.
Maybe half a block.

And I feel antsy. I do this to myself. I think, "Oh, I'll just kick back and take the day off," and then I feel guilty and stuff. You know.

I did get something major done. I ordered my online course to renew my nursing license. Every time I do this (every two years), I say, "That's it. Enough. I'll never do this again."
Not that it's difficult or anything. It's just that...well, after all of these years after having not worked as a nurse, who would hire me, current license or not? I mean, they probably don't even use leeches any more. But hell, I went online and ordered a course on gerontologic nursing because what the hey? Maybe I'll learn something that will help with my mother.
Probably not.
But I'm sure as hell not going to take anything about surgical nursing. Fuck no. That stuff is yucky.

So I did that.

I have also received notice that my drivers license is up for renewal. Okay. Then they give you a list of about fifty different documents you have to take with you in order to get your license renewed.  Florida is trying to make it really hard to do things like get drivers licenses these days. Or vote. If you want to watch something really funny about this very unfunny situation, go HERE. 
It's a Jon Stewart thing. And it is really, really funny. I highly recommend it.

God. Our governor not only looks scary, he IS scary. This is no joke.

But back to the license renewal.
You not only have to take two different documents proving you live at your current address, you also have to take things like documents showing legal reasons for all of your name changes. If you're a man, this probably doesn't apply to you. I, however, as a woman who has been married twice and divorced once, have had three name changes. From maiden (haha!) to first married name and then divorced and back to maiden (even ha-ha-ier!) and then to new married. Okay. I found, miraculously, my marriage license to my first husband and also my divorce papers decreeing that I was getting my name back. But I can't find my marriage license to Mr. Moon. He doesn't have it either! Maybe we're not really married! We had a wedding. I know we did. The woman who married us was an attorney and a notary, which is legal in Florida and I feel sure she submitted the paperwork properly. But for the life of me, I can't remember us ever getting that wedding certificate.

But I went to the online Clerk of Court or whatever it is to see if I could find the license. The certificate. Whatever. But the damn search engine does not work. Or if it does work, not for me.
So then I went to the web site mentioned on the piece of mail I got from the DMV which is so very, very cleverly addressed and according to them, if I bring in a current passport with my current name on it, I don't need the other documents. Now why don't they mention this on that piece of paper you get from them? It sure would save a lot of hassle and worry. Anyway, I have a passport! Yippie!
And at this moment I am thinking about using it to go live in Mexico.
But you know- grandchildren. So of course I won't so of course I have to get that license renewed. And god knows the State of Florida needs to know that I am NOT A TERRORIST OR ILLEGAL ALIEN WHO MIGHT TRY TO VOTE OR SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE THAT!
Really? Is this such a problem? Illegal aliens trying to fuck up our elections by voting? We seem to do just fine, fucking up our elections without any help from illegal aliens. I can understand trying to get welfare or something. But voting? What a crock of shit. People all over the world already think that Florida has a major problem with its voting situation due to the illegal election of G.W. Bush. And we had that face-eater guy. Florida. Phew! What a wild and crazy place!

But it is the state in which I have to renew my drivers license and my nursing license and I will.

So that's what I did today. It doesn't sound like much but it did take huge emotional energy. I don't know why. I am NOT a normal person when it comes to things like this. I can't even make official phone calls beyond calling the power company to tell them my power is out so there you go. I'm not sure when this happened to me- this complete and utter inability to deal with shit. I mean, calling the dog groomer, who is a friend of mine! to make an appointment to get these sleazy dogs groomed is more than I can bear. I have to work up to that one for approximately a month. By the time I get them in there, my dogs are so covered in fur that you can't find the dogs. "Here!" I say, tossing two balls of fur at her. "I'm sorry!" and then I run like hell and I tip her like crazy.

At least I'm not one of those annoying people who drink and dial. I used to know this woman who did that. She would get plowed and then call for no apparent reason and tell me all of her news and then say, "Okay, Bye!" but I finally quit answering when she called and that solved that.
Believe me, my friends are never going to have to deal with that sort of thing. This is the upside to phone-anxiety.

Well, it's thundering here in Lloyd and a little bit of rain is coming down. Not much. Enough to smell good. And the power is flickering. I wonder where my little miner headlight is. Last time I saw it, Owen was wearing it.

I wonder if I'm really married. If we're not, I'm going to have another wedding. I swear. Or maybe not. Maybe we'll just continue to defraud the government. You know, like illegal aliens.



Love...Ms. Moon


  1. That's funny - "like illegal aliens". I'm sorry but your state is crazy but probably no more so than mine. I've become a pro with the gathering of documents but God help me if I ever had to prove my name changes after 3 marriages.

  2. Oh dear Ms. Moon! Don't scare me away from Florida. I'll be at LegoLand in a few weeks with my boy. We will wave in your direction.

  3. Your governor is creepy, but then so are a lot of them in one way or the other.
    I also don't like the phone or email any longer. I have a hard time answering either of these.

  4. I think a lot of nurses keep their licenses. I think it is a good idea. Just make sure you sign your name with R.N. every time you sign something. I personally think you could become a Doula. That would be awesome.

  5. Rubye Jack- What? You can't?! You

    Blue Gal- Ah. Legoland. Which used to be Cypress Gardens. Where I spent a great deal of my growing-up time. Have a good time. I'll be silently weeping here, mourning the passing of C. Gardens.
    Maybe you'll see the ghost of teenaged Ms. Moon.

    Syd- I'm still mostly okay with email. Mostly.

    Birdie- Hell, if I wanted to keep the hours of a doula, I'd just become a midwife. I need my sleep! But thanks.

  6. I have terrible phone anxiety also. I was definitely not one of *those* teenagers. Those zinnias are spectacular!

  7. That John Stewart is our salvation, no?

    And I'm glad that you live in Florida or else I'd write it off my map. Texas, too.

  8. They DO use leeches. And maggots.

  9. I've still not got over those exquisite paintings . . . Just sea and beach, sky and clouds, trees and dunes. They truly are awesome.

  10. Ajax- I was fine on the phone up until a few years ago.

    Elizabeth- There are plenty of really fine people here. It's just that there are some MAJOR crazies too. MAJOR! And many of them are in charge of shit.

    A- Well. There you go. See?

    Bugerlugs- Roger is amazing. I'm really glad you like his art.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.