Even with my great grandmother's pearls.
I don't know. It just doesn't work.
Then I had to deal with my purse. I've happily been carrying my hippie-purse of indeterminate fibers for months now but suddenly, it wouldn't do. I have approximately forty-five purses. I have loved them all at one time or another and then, as with the hippie bag, I was done. I am a fickle purse wife. So I had to go back through my purses today, trying to find one that would do. Just...do. I finally discovered one I had forgotten I owned. I think it came from Goodwill. It's a small black leather backpack but is deceptive in its size and holds quite a bit. It has a pocket on the outside for my phone and so finally, I chose that.
Next, I remembered that Lily wanted green beans so I had to go pick green beans. And get some eggs together to take her. And after all of that, I finally got in the car and went to town.
Owen got a new castle yesterday. It is a huge cardboard thing which you are supposed to color and then put together and part of it was colored and part of it was not. But it was together and Lily told me that when Owen had first gotten in it, he brought things to furnish it with that made him happy, one of which was a picture of his Boppy which was about the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
Lily also told me that when she got dressed that morning, Owen told her she was pretty. Owen heard her telling me this story and then he told me that I was not pretty.
"Owen!" Lily said, "That's not nice! Mer-Mer is pretty."
Owen didn't care if was nice or not. To him, I am not pretty. Oh well. I asked him if he thought that perhaps if I put on some lipstick I would be pretty.
"Maybe," he said. He also advised me to put something on my cheeks and to paint my toenails.
I tried the lipstick.
"Am I pretty now?" I asked him.
"No," he said.
We went to the Target to exchange some diapers. It was exciting, as all trips to Target are, although I am never going to forgive them for taking out the garden section. Now they have more food and who in the hell needs another half-ass grocery store? We didn't buy food although Lily did buy one foodish substance- apple cider vinegar. She has terrible fruit flies and is going to use that to combat them in some way that I didn't really get. If it works, she needs to tell me about it.
We bought Owen some Socker Boppers.
Do you remember Socker Boppers?
They look like this:
I pointed out that there were only two Socker Boppers in the package.
"That's okay," Lily said. "Jason can wear them and beat up on Owen."
We also bought some other stuff. I remembered I needed a new mop bucket and I got a red one. I suppose it's possible I might mop again someday.
We saw some darling dresses. We agreed they would look great on Jessie. What doesn't? We didn't buy any. We almost looked at make-up but then we decided there was no point. Lily did try to get me to buy some purple nail polish because she knew I'd use it once and then give it to her. I decided not to although if I used it, Owen might think I was pretty.
Oh well. Tough titties.
Owen had expressed an interest in having sushi roll for lunch but we went to Moe's instead. He wasn't happy about it but he was okay. I had a great time, flirting with Gibson across the table.
If you've never been to Moe's, they do this thing where the guys (it's mostly guys) working behind the counter to make your food shout out, "Welcome to Moe's!" every time someone walks in the door. It's sort of funny but not really. I asked Lily if she thought that they used a different shout when hot young girls walked in. She didn't know but sure as shit, soon after I said that, two hot young girls walked in wearing lovely summery garments which revealed firm young decollete.
"Welcome to Moe's!" came out in a suave croony croon way, completely different than the usual enthusiastic, brusque shout.
"I told you," I said to Lily.
I tell you what, if I worked at Moe's I'd have an entire code system to announce different sorts of people. Whatever it takes to battle boredom, right?
So we had a good time. We ate our burritos. Except for Owen who only ate his chips and his cookie. We didn't care. He'll eat the burrito later when he's hungry.
He loves his pretty mama.
He loves me too, even if he doesn't think I'm pretty.
Speaking of pretty, I sort of/almost want to go out on a date tonight with my husband. This would entail putting on non-overall garb again which is not an inviting prospect. Frankly, though, I don't want to cook either. I think I'm burnt out on cooking. Everything I make lately is disappointing. Lily asked me today why her father and I haven't started doing that old person thing yet where you eat cereal for dinner. I told her it was because I had no desire whatsoever to eat cereal for dinner. I don't even like cereal for breakfast that much. We did agree that Grape Nuts with raisins and brown sugar makes a dandy snack before bed, though.
So I don't know. It's about fifty million degrees and the cicadas or crickets or one of those buzzy insects are singing away. Mr. Moon just got home and I'm not even going to pretend I did one damn thing today to earn my keep. Fuck it. Sometimes I spray a little Fabuloso around and dust his dresser so he thinks I've been slaving away.
That's a joke.
I think Erma Bombeck came up with that one. Or maybe she said you should put vanilla behind your ears when the husband comes home.
God. Take a shower, put on make-up and a bra or cook dinner?
WHY IS LIFE SO FULL OF SUCH PAINFUL DECISIONS????
That, too, is a joke. In this context, at least.
To find out what happens, stay tuned. I'm sure I'll reveal all.
I sure hope we don't end up eating Honey Nut Cheerios for dinner. As if it's not depressing enough, not even being pretty to my grandson. I think I'll have a martini. I always feel prettier after a martini.
Well, not really. But I don't care as much. Which is almost as good.
Whatever happens, Mr. Moon is about to show me his now-preserved snake skin which he claims is really pretty.
I wonder if he still thinks I'm pretty. He says he does. Sometimes.
After he's had a martini.
I believe I'll go stab some olives onto a toothpick.
I've said it before and I'll say it again:
Happy Friday, y'all.
Love...Old Mer-Mer Who Is Not Pretty, Even With Lipstick