Saturday, June 2, 2012

Well. It was a good time. I wish I'd taken pictures of my pizzas because they were about the most beautiful pizzas I've ever made but hell- ain't nothing to pizzas but some dough and sauce and cheese and vegetables and shit. 

I mean honestly. 

We were all women and yet, I kept thinking about Colin, our Colin. 

For those of you who haven't been here for long, Colin was well... Go here. 

A few years ago we had a party and Colin showed up and I think mainly he wanted to be here because he knew that Jessie had her new man with her and Colin adored Jessie and he wanted to meet this man and see if he was worthy of our girl.

Here's a picture of that night.

You can tell that Jessie adored him too. 
Colin was the kind of man that it didn't matter how old you were or how young, you knew he was worth having a big ol' crush on. And we all did.

When that picture was taken, he'd already had a cancerous eye taken out (and oh- the jokes he made! oh- how light he made of that surgery! and he came back from Pennsylvania where he'd had the surgery, I think, and was onstage the next night, fully in costume and character) and I think, I do, that when that picture was taken he knew he was dying. The cancer had spread. But. He wanted to make sure that Jessie's man was worthy of her.

And I was thinking of Colin tonight and I cried and I said that I haven't really cared about being in a play since Colin was at the Opera House and the last play we were in together he dove into my crotch every night, face first,  and we brought the house down and I was thinking about how he grabbed me one night and said, "Let's dance" in that English accent of his and we danced across the stage of the Opera House and how, when he knew he was dying he only told Pat and Ron and they told us and I called him and I said, "I just want to tell you I love you," and he chuckled, that Colin chuckle and he said, "Ah love, I love you too," and shit.

Well. We gathered and we ate pizza and we talked about politics and we drank martinis and I cried and told them all thank-you for forcing me to be social and that's it. That was the night. 

Judy washed dishes and everyone helped and here we were and here we were and here I am. 

If I talk about death too much it's because so many of the people I have loved have died and I refuse to believe it's a bad thing and that applies to you and me both.

Good night. 

Sweet dreams...Ms. Moon


  1. I try to think it's not a bad thing too. Try.
    Colin sounds like a true gentleman.

  2. We all have some button pushers in our life. I think Colin was a superb one... I think that the act of dying is worse then being dead, because after all, when we are dead we probably don't know it. I'm not afraid of death itself, but how to get there is the real problem... With medical wizardry getting more sophisticated by the day, you can't even die worthy no more...

  3. I think about death a lot too. So many of my loved ones are dead or near death. I just don't want to linger and be in a nursing home. Just euthanize me.

  4. bugerlugs- Oh. He was. A gentleman with a wicked, wicked mind. The best kind of gentleman.

    Photocat- Colin died in the same way he lived- nothing held back and with lots of love. And bravery.
    I doubt I'll be that way.

    Syd- I'm with you, baby. I'm right there with you.

  5. I'm glad you talk about death. I appreciate your perspective, your thoughts on the subject.

  6. I thank you for talking about these people that you've known and died -- I feel a bit like I've known them in a small way and am better for it.

  7. You have a lot of love in your life. That picture of Jesse looking up at Colin is priceless.

  8. Lora- You are so sweet and I appreciate your presence in my life so much. Thank-you.

    Elizabeth- Don't we all try to memorialize those whom we have loved and who have gone on?
    Thank-you for saying that. It means everything.

    Anonymous Jo- Says it all, doesn't it?


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