Well. It was a good time. I wish I'd taken pictures of my pizzas because they were about the most beautiful pizzas I've ever made but hell- ain't nothing to pizzas but some dough and sauce and cheese and vegetables and shit.
I mean honestly.
We were all women and yet, I kept thinking about Colin, our Colin.
For those of you who haven't been here for long, Colin was well... Go here.
A few years ago we had a party and Colin showed up and I think mainly he wanted to be here because he knew that Jessie had her new man with her and Colin adored Jessie and he wanted to meet this man and see if he was worthy of our girl.
Here's a picture of that night.
You can tell that Jessie adored him too.
Colin was the kind of man that it didn't matter how old you were or how young, you knew he was worth having a big ol' crush on. And we all did.
When that picture was taken, he'd already had a cancerous eye taken out (and oh- the jokes he made! oh- how light he made of that surgery! and he came back from Pennsylvania where he'd had the surgery, I think, and was onstage the next night, fully in costume and character) and I think, I do, that when that picture was taken he knew he was dying. The cancer had spread. But. He wanted to make sure that Jessie's man was worthy of her.
And I was thinking of Colin tonight and I cried and I said that I haven't really cared about being in a play since Colin was at the Opera House and the last play we were in together he dove into my crotch every night, face first, and we brought the house down and I was thinking about how he grabbed me one night and said, "Let's dance" in that English accent of his and we danced across the stage of the Opera House and how, when he knew he was dying he only told Pat and Ron and they told us and I called him and I said, "I just want to tell you I love you," and he chuckled, that Colin chuckle and he said, "Ah love, I love you too," and shit.
Well. We gathered and we ate pizza and we talked about politics and we drank martinis and I cried and told them all thank-you for forcing me to be social and that's it. That was the night.
Judy washed dishes and everyone helped and here we were and here we were and here I am.
If I talk about death too much it's because so many of the people I have loved have died and I refuse to believe it's a bad thing and that applies to you and me both.
Sweet dreams...Ms. Moon