Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Not A Bad Day At All Until I Mentioned A Woman's Breasts To Her

Gibson is just one of the happiest, smiliest babies I've ever met. He's like, Mr. Goof Ball. He's Mr. Sunny Dude. He's Mr. Silly Funny Boy.
He makes me so happy.

He was the star of the Assisted Living Show today. All the old ladies wanted to make him laugh, ask how old he was. Pinch his little cheeks. So did the ladies who work there. Even one of the maintenance men had a little fit over him. It's just hard not to.

Poor Owen. He was NOT in a good mood today. He obviously didn't get enough sleep and he was, for the most part, NOT HAVING IT! I mean, he wasn't terrible, but he just wasn't on his best behavior either. And it's hard, not being the center of attention. Everyone wants to talk about Gibson and they sort of ignore our big boy and it's not fair and thus, one of life's first lessons in how unfair life just is sometimes, especially when it comes to how old ladies react to you as opposed to how they react to your baby brother who can't do anything but lay there and smile and drink milk, for god's sake!

But we had a good time. Mother seemed extremely cheerful and upbeat and happy to have us there and Owen and I played ball while we visited with Mom in her room and then we all went down to the little playground area. The way the place is set up, you can get most places through and from building to building and so I saw the health center, which is the general hospital-like area for when you're rehabbing from a broken hip or an illness and it was beautiful too. There are cafes and there's a beauty salon and a little indoor pond with two turtles and some carp that tried to nibble Owen's finger when he stuck it in the water and there are lovely paintings and plants and sky-lights and the friendliest people you'd ever want to meet.

Here's Owen, playing on the playground. There were shady benches for us to sit and watch from.

The one and only complaint I have about that place are the elevators in Mother's building. If you want to use one, I'd advise hitting the button and then going to get a snack because it's going to take about that long.

After we walked Mother back to her floor and made sure she got her  lunch (lentil soup with a lovely muffin) we took the boys to the grocery store which was a bit hectic because Gibson decided that he was STARVING and Owen was so tired that at one point he said, "I want to go to my home."

We managed but it was there, in Publix, while we were in line at the deli to get a sandwich for our lunch that I said something to a woman that made me SEVERELY CONCERNED THAT MAYBE I AM LOSING MY MIND.

She was a nice looking sort of early-middle-aged lady who was dressed in an outfit, I'd say with a little turquoise jacket over a sort of camisole that revealed about two inches of cleavage but NOT in a tacky way at all, really, and Gibson couldn't take his eyes off her. She said, "I think he likes my clothes," and then the devil possessed me and I said in a theatrical whisper, "I think it might be your breasts," and as soon as I said it I thought, Jesus God what did I just say? and I think she was a little embarrassed and she pulled her camisole top up a little and when I told Lily she about died and said, "Why did you say that?" and I couldn't tell her, I have no idea and so I guess I'm entering that horrible stage of no filters at all on my mouth and pretty soon none of my children will want to go out in public with me, never again and I will not blame them and they'll put me in assisted living but it won't be as nice as the one Mother is in and it all started right there in Publix today, Gibson in my arms, waiting to get a sandwich.

I'm going to blame it on low blood sugar.

Yeah! That was it!

(Oh god.)


  1. Anytime I see an infant looking at breasts I think of that one scene from "Look Who's Talking" when John Travolta says to the baby boy, "I bet you're thinking what I'm thinking." and the baby 'says' "Yeah! Lunch!"

  2. OK I really really like what you have to say!!! I do not have a blog am not computer smart, But I have an e-mail Please put me on your Suscribers list Please!! Here goes: m.bartels@yahoo.com Yes all spellings are correct.I will book mark you and become a follower also. (ps if i get any "freaks" I Will Know)Bless your Heart I enjoy your honesty and well just all of ya' Thanks a gal from a southern state :)

  3. That's hilarious. And you were right.

  4. Oh lord, this made me laugh. And you are right about us not being able to put you in a nice home, so y'all are just going to have to keep your brains for a while. I don't know about Jess and Lily, but May and I got double strength no money sense at all genetics, and so you better not be hoping for Westminster any time soon.

  5. THAT is hilarious! I wonder if she thought you were hitting on her!


  6. Rebecca- Yep. That's what he was thinking.
    But still.

    mary i- Well. Thanks! I don't think I have a subcriber list, though. Just come and enjoy when you want.

    Stephanie- He was mesmerized!

    Ms. Fleur- Oh god. I hope not. Because I surely wasn't. (She was not my type but she did have nice cleavage.)

  7. I love it! Damn rights he liked he breasts. He is a baby. He is supposed to like them.

  8. Oh dear. I think it was a perfectly natural thing to say and probably would have said the same myself only with a bold hint of sarcasm. I mean if you put them out there, you should not be surprised if someone says something. That's just the way some of us are. Not you Mary, but me.

  9. oh, c'mon. it was a perfectly natural thing to say. nursing baby, breasts. people are just so uptight about boobs. show 'em off but DON'T mention them for god's sake. and really, I don't think an infant even notices people's outfits.

  10. She should have taken it as a compliment..he's an authority. And you were just stating the obvious!

  11. I agree with Liv that you were stating the obvious but maybe this woman's reality is so far from yours that she needed more context... I am glad that your visit with your mom went well and can I point out that despite your feelings that you are not a good daughter, I am sure you had much to do with finding her the wonderful place you described that she lives in.

    Gibson's face is mighty precious in that picture!

  12. O my god, I love you. Screw filters. I want to go shopping with you now.

  13. DGT- Shit. What am I going to DO???!!!!
    No Westminster for me. Hell's bells.

    Birdie- Yes. He is supposed to like breasts.

    Rubye Jack- I think she thought the jacket was covering things up. She seemed modest, in a way. She wasn't flaunting anything, I swear.

    Ellen Abott- Well, her jacket was quite brightly colored.

    liv- I think that's what I was thinking but then as it tumbled out, it seemed to not be quite so obvious.

    Anonymous Jo- Yes. That's what I was saying in my comment above. Not enough context.
    And I have to tell you- my brother helped Mother find that place. We sort of...forced...her into it.

    Sara- Poor Lily though. She is quite circumspect around the public.

  14. Ah, ha. So THAT is what it means to finally be free.

  15. Hehehe. Maybe Gibson really did like her breasts.

    This blog might get to be even wilder....

  16. I agree with Ellen! I comment like that all the time and I've never nursed an infant. Sure had many root around and try though. Breasts are their life's focus and that's normal and good and comment-worthy.

    Now, when they're CEOs and hire people based on breasts? Then it's inappropriate commenting.

  17. Lordy, Mary. My friend's son Jacob put pictures of cleavage and breasts by his bed so he could stroke them (he was 5).


    I do fear you've lost your mind. We midwives always have our minds in the gutter. Vaginas, breasts, sexy bits, we're all about it.

    The older we get, the more outrageous we can be. I think it's expected of us.

  18. I am still very thankful I didnt overhear this exchange! Love you and thanks for including us in your day!

  19. I love the idea of filters dropping away from one's mouth as you age. Think of the lack of pressure -- this story was so hilarious that I laughed out loud. Not so much at what you said but more at how you told it -- I love you so much.

  20. That baby has an outrageously wonderful grin!

  21. Your daughter and the lady might never have heard about humour... ;o))))))) It is the perfect answer. Something I could have said even. It's FUNNY...
    Laugh people, laugh!

  22. In the a.m. I agreed with your post about legalizing the pot for God's sake and then late last night I laughed out loud over your story. I would have laughed if it were me hearing you say he was looking at my breasts. The fact that you state you have no filters and that you know Lily would have died means you are empathetic, which is a good way to be. I am losing lots of filters too. You are so lucky to have your family nearby. Plus they are good filters and companions for the Mom visits.
    --Michele R.

  23. "O my god, I love you. Screw filters. I want to go shopping with you now." Fine - Sara said it best but that story was awesome!!

    Maybe this world needs a little less filter!


  24. right, women always think we're looking at their clothes. I get busted for admiring clothes all the time.
    If I understood how to make faces with punctuation, I would have ended that with an eyes-rolling thing.

  25. Jaye- Next thing you know, I'll throw out all my bras.

    Denise- It could happen.

    NOLA- You're right!

    Beth- I know. It's true. We lose our ability to see all those lovely, strong, amazing body parts as, oh, dirty and shameful.
    And then look what happens!

    Lily- One of these days I'm just going to embarrass you to tears and I apologize in advance because it won't be intentional. I love you so much! Thank YOU for coming along with me, helping me do something I needed to do and just couldn't manage alone. Plus, I got to spend time with you guys.

    Elizabeth- I tried to apologize to the woman after I said that but there was just no way without making an even bigger fool of myself.

    A- Doesn't he?

    Michele R- Well, everyone isn't like us. Dammit.

    Julie- I sure won't be running for office anytime soon.

    Magnum- I am imagining the eye-rolling as we speak.

  26. This reminds me of The Fockers when the little kid is squeezing his hands together at the sight of real and fake breasts. LOL about Gibson. I also think that it's funny what you said to the woman.

  27. Hilarious buit really absolutely true- we have a friend who was weaning her son and took him abroad with them on his first holiday.. it was a topless beach, and when he got hungry he just marched up to the first girl/lady and latched on for lunch!!! it was funny at the time, and really that is what its for, so good on you for saying it... funny though.... keep it going!!!! |Janzi

  28. My babies were very happy and content, and I've seen other happy babies, but Gibson is by far the happiest little baby I've seen... ever!


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