Saturday, June 23, 2012

It's Never Over

I feel like I have to say something about Sandusky and the result of his trial. You know, Jerry Sandusky, the guy who molested those boys and who was just found guilty on forty-five counts of evil? The one who will be in jail for the rest of his life? The one who was such a shining role model, a do-gooder, a community hero, a man people trusted and respected?


So he's in jail. On suicide watch. And you know, I guess, I think, maybe, I should be happy or something. He'll never molest another child. That option is gone, baby, gone.
For that, yes, I am happy. Or at least, glad.
I am also glad that he was tried and the jury listened to his victims and ignored the money, the status, the golden-boy reputation of the man and they found him guilty. So that justice, in a way, was done.

But that's not going to bring back those boys' innocence. Ever. It's not going to do a damn thing to erase the pain they've lived through for so much of their lives. And if you think that those boys, now men, are the only ones Sandusky fucked up, you are living on a dream cloud.
At best, it will make the victims feel safer, knowing that that man can never hurt another child and can't hurt them any more either by calling them liars or wrong or denying what he did. He can't look at them with those eyes that say, "But I LOVED you," because that's what molesters do. They find the kids most needy for love, for attention, for validation, one-on-one grown-up company and they pour it on, they fill the kid up with it and then...
They ruin them.

So. It is done, the man is put away. Careers were destroyed, shame and guilt cast wide on those who, even if they didn't consciously protect Sandusky, did nothing in their vast power to stop him.

You think that wife didn't know what was going on? Oh yes. The river of denial is wide and it is deep but you have to choose to sail away on it. You think she never heard anything? Never saw anything? Oh. She did.
And she is guilty too. God damn, she is.

That man who walked in on Sandusky raping that child who called his daddy and told him and did indeed report him to higher-ups but when nothing happened, remained silent? Guilty. Fucking guilty. So are those higher-ups and I believe Joe Paterno was too. I sure as shit do. He may have taken that guilt to the grave, but he took it.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I did talk about it some. How the molester has an illness and has to be stopped and yes, punished, I don't know, that's not my area of expertise, but until those who protect, who remain silent, who do nothing to stop the molester wreaking his evil on children are also tried and found guilty, nothing is going to change.
It's like killing a roach. You find one roach and kill it, you ain't done shit. There are thousands more, hiding where you can't see them. You have to TEAR THAT SHIT APART and find them and nuke 'em. If you want to really get rid of the roaches.

Not to insult roaches by comparing them to pedophiles. But you know what I mean.

Those people who knew and did nothing to stop him are going to have to carry a huge burden of the knowledge of what they allowed to happen in their silence. Maybe that's enough punishment. Probably is, if they're even half a human being. But to the rest of the world- well- they got away with it. That's how it looks. They knew and they didn't stop it. Don't talk to me about how they might have "gone through the proper channels." Fuck that shit. They did not stop it.

How many people knew exactly what Sandusky was doing to those poor little boys who needed love? HOW MANY? Just like how many church officials knew what the pedophile priests were doing and remained silent or simply moved the molester from one church to another? HOW MANY?

And how many parents have known that something, SOMETHING was going on but out of fear or disbelief stoppered up their ears, blinded their own eyes to the suffering of their children?
How many?

See. I don't think justice was done. Not really. Sure, the perpetrator was locked up but the lesson wasn't learned. No pedophile is going to be stopped by another's arrest and incarceration. That isn't how it works. But. If a few of the teachers, the priests, the parents who knew about a molestation and did nothing to protect the victims were given what they deserved, publicly and with great media attention, maybe people would be more apt to step forward.

That's what I think.

You lock up a child abuser and yeah, I'm glad. But I'm not cheering. I know what damage has already been done. There is nothing in this world about a situation in which a child is abused to celebrate, not even the molester's incarceration. Not even his or her death. Seeing one "brought to justice" is the very least that can be done. You hear me? The very least and it should be expected and it should be done but until the people who see but do not do anything about it are made aware of THEIR part of the guilt, of the damage, I see no hope for any real relief.

Because it's not just the act or acts that kill a child's soul. It's the very fact that deep down inside, a child knows that he or she SHOULD BE PROTECTED just by the very fact that he or she is a child and when that protection is not there, it does as much damage as the act did.

I believe this.

So. When I see Sandusky in custody, I see no reason to believe that justice has been done. Maybe a little bit. Some justice has been meted out. But not all of it. Oh no. Not nearly all of it.

And I am so sad today because I can't quit thinking about those boys and all the boys who haven't been able to come forward because they realized that no one would believe them and even if they did, nothing would be done about it.

There is evil in this world. That's just a fact and it often wears the face of a child molester. But it also wears the face of a blind and deaf observer. We all need to remember that. We all need to be on the watch for the protection of children. Ours and yours and mine, of course, but also those kids whom no one seems to be watching out for. Because those are the ones who will be victims.

It's horrendous to even contemplate the idea that a "good" man like Sandusky could rape a child. But it happens. "Good" men rape and abuse children every day. Daddies and uncles and brothers and friends and the preacher and the priest. Also mothers. Yeah. They do it too. And we HAVE to open our eyes to that fact. We HAVE to be able to contemplate the idea and we HAVE to do something about it.

Stephen Gaskin said this thing once about how when you see a situation that's really fucked up and you wonder, "Where is god in this? Why ain't he doing something about this?" you have to realize that YOU are god right then. And it's up to you to use your god power to do something about it.

That's all. That's all I have to say right now.

But it's not over. It is never over.

Believe me.


  1. Madame King- I love you too. I know you keep your eyes out ALL THE TIME. I love you so much for that.

  2. i went over to see if Metrodad's blog still existed and it does. He's still cool. Because I remember a post from years ago about how people who feel tempted to harm their children, or anyone's children, should just kill themselves. It was quite strong. I'm glad to say he's still writing (that's not his usual subject matter, it was in response to a horror story in the news) and it's as good as ever.

  3. I hear, they don't really like pedophiles in prison. Maybe, for just a little more justice, he'll get raped for every rape he perpetrated. over and over and over. wouldn't that be nice?

  4. You are right, Mrs. Moon. And if I heard correctly this morning's news on my car radio, a Catholic priest has been convicted of knowing about molester-priest and standing by. Philadelphia, too? I think so, but I;m not positive.
    In California, teachers, for example, are "mandated reporters," I believe. You are obligated to protect the child--which should not require a law at all--but there you go. We are all obligated, I believe. Obligated. Absolutely.

  5. Jo- That is a very fine site, that metrodad. I have heard others espouse that idea. Kill yourself before you harm a child. I don't know. I don't know what the answer is.

    Ellen Abbott- No. I can't agree with you. I am not an eye-for-an-eye believer. Any rape is wrong. This is just how I believe. And I seriously doubt that Sandusky will be ever put in with the rest of any prison population.

    Denise- It is the same here. Doctors, nurses, teachers. All are obligated by law to report suspected abuse. But- if no one tells, how can the silent be discovered? And I saw that about that priest. I am grateful for his arrest and conviction. Maybe things will change. I honestly believe that the more victims and survivors who come out with their stories, the less stigma will be attached to speaking out.

  6. Ellen Abbott- I think it boils down to this for me: The more suffering and violence in this world, the worse off we all are. Simplistic. I know. But that's me.

  7. You carried the banner well my friend, you did.

    Thank you. Those words were like water to a thirsting soul, they truly were.

    Thank you.

  8. The Hobo Code of Ethics, statement 13:

    Do not allow other hobos to molest children, expose all molesters to authorities, they are the worst garbage to infest any society.

    You are right about not asking where a Higher Power is in any situation. If you are there, you are the hands and feet and voice of that Higher Power, use it.

  9. You have such good insight. What keeps puzzling me is how molesting of children seems to be okay as long as it is not discovered. I've been so baffled by this for so long. No one ever seems to talk about it but a lot of people seem to co-sign the behavior of hurting children. Like the Catholic church, wealthy sophisticated types... It is so prevalent. I just don't get it and it makes me cry over why. How can they? I don't get it!

  10. In this town, there is another molester who has been convicted after harming so many young men. He picked his victims based on their vulnerability. He won't be put in the general prison population from what I understand. The damage that he has done will last the life of his victims and will likely affect many others who are around those who are so wounded from molestation. Very sad stuff. Monsters live among us.

  11. How wonderful would it be if every single practicing Catholic rose up and declared that they would no longer be a part of a church that had a history of covering up the abuse of children by priests? I mean, I know that's never going to happen, but I'm thinking that it should.

  12. Crying. Hard. I wish someone had stood up for you. See, you telling your story makes this more than just hypothetical. The children are not faceless or nameless. They are my friend who has to have the scab ripped off every time somebody says "Sandusky" or whomever else is out there on the news.

    Thank you for tearing shit up. No. One roach dead is not something to cheer about.

    Love to you.

  13. You have no idea how much I wished someone could tell what was happening to me as a child. I suspect some people knew -- my father included. But no one said anything, no one took me out of that home, and stupid me didn't say a word. No one who hasn't been through this can know what it does to your soul forever. You have to do the best you can with what you have but no matter how much work you do on yourself, the reality of that shit stays with you. And that is even with learning to forgive. You are right about death not helping much. You are right about the people who know and don't say anything until someone listens. You are right that it is not just men. You are right that it never ends. You are right to be angry. You are right about all of this.

  14. An eye for an eye doesn't work because abuse begets abuse. I think the majority of child abusers were abused themselves. How does re-raping them make sense?

  15. Liv- Well then, I have done my job.

    Messymimi- A beautiful code. Simple and to the point.

    Rubye Jack- I think that the issue of childhood sexual abuse is one of the most many-layered onions in this world. In all regards. And I think that so many people were abused as children and have locked it away someplace in their souls and so when they see another child being abused, it is impossible to admit that it is happening again. Maybe. Sometimes. That's the answer. And then another, more malevolent answer is that there are so many people who ABUSE that they have no desire to report what they see (or do, of course.)
    But I don't really know.

    Syd- Yes. And they are monsters. Real. And living. Among us.

    Elizabeth- I do not understand how people can be part of that church. Not only the pedophilia cover-up but also the treatment of women, the condemnation of homosexuals, the ridiculousness of the birth control issue, the vast wealth of the church while so many of its faith are so very, very poor...
    It goes on. Why? How? I will never understand.

    Gradydoctor- And now you have made me cry.

    Anonymous Jo- Our details may vary, but our damage is the same, isn't it? Our numbers are legion and that, too, is part of the tragedy. Those of us who can, should speak out and tell our stories, I think. Because then the molesters lose their power to keep their victims silent. I DO BELIEVE THIS!

    Jo- It's true. And it's why I can't stand for the death penalty. If it is wrong to kill, it is wrong. I hate that where I live, the state can kill people in my name. This goes for the military too.

  16. So true, everything you have said. As I read a parent of one of the boys said, "Nobody wins here."

  17. Amen! A-frickin-men. Thank you. I knew all of what you said, but the way you said it, well I swear this post should be published as an editorial for the ENTIRE world to read. Thank you for the words you share with us.


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