Monday, June 18, 2012

What Is Going On?

Well. The day has come. Lily goes back to work today. She's only working part-time but still, this means that she'll have to put on that uniform and go to work and leave those boys with me. I know that this is going to be one of the hardest things she's ever done in her entire life. She doesn't have the slightest desire to go back to work. But. Pay check. But. Insurance. But. 

How did we come to this place where it takes two paychecks to support a family, even if they live close to the bone, even if they don't have luxuries, even if they work so very, very hard?
These days you either have to be pretty well off or else really, really poor to be able to stay at home with your babies and Lily and Jason are neither.
Jason takes all the hours they'll give him at his work but it's still not enough.

And mostly? It boils down to the insurance.

But. Again. But.

I read an article in the New Yorker yesterday (no, I don't JUST read the cartoons) that made my blood boil. It was about a man whom none of us had probably ever heard of and I hadn't until I heard an interview on NPR with the author of the article, Jane Mayer. The guy's name is Bryan Fisher and he's a pastor of sorts although he keeps getting kicked out of even the most conservative churches because of his hard-line view on what woman should be allowed to do and not be allowed to do and he rabidly hates homosexuals and claims that homosexuality is a CHOICE (which always leads me to believe that the person who claims this is at least bi-sexual and has made the choice not to follow his or her own inborn inclinations but live a life of a LIE but that's just my own belief) and he's a conservative radio talk-show host and so what? Right?
He is wielding huge influence on the Republican party right now.

That whole thing about Mitt Romney's national security spokesman? Richard Grenell? An openly gay man? He resigned after a public attack on him. Here's Fisher's take on why Grenell's sexuality would be a national security risk:

"What if he's traveling for Mitt Romney on government business? He's overseas somewhere...he's got top-secret information in his hotel room and he just can't help himself? He's gotta have an anonymous tryst with some homosexual?"

Oh yeah. That makes so much damn sense.

Fisher and his followers want to remake the entire government of the United States of America over in what they perceive to be a Biblical manner. And none of this would make one damn bit of difference because there have always been lunatics spouting their hatred but in this case, these people have influence. And it's not just homosexuality. It's birth control and it's abortions (of course) and it's even taxes and education and all sorts of things that these people have decided are Biblically wrong.

"Fischer says that progressive income taxes and estate taxes violate the Eighth and Tenth Commandments because the government 'steals' and 'covets' other's wealth."

But it's really the gay marriage thing that this guy can't let go of. Homosexuals. They're the ones destroying this country.

It makes me sick. But because this guy has followers and because these days a presidential candidate will whore and blasphemy himself to get elected if that's what it takes, Fisher has influence. Romney needs Fisher's followers who are people who believe that evolution is an evil teaching, that people who believe in environmental science are worshipping a false religion, people who, well, let's face it- are ignorant and intolerant and filled with hate.

Meanwhile, calling themselves followers of Christ.

All right. I have to get ready to go take care of my grandchildren. Because health care in this country is unaffordable unless you have insurance which is also unaffordable unless you work for a company that offers it.

And it's not that I don't want to take care of my grandchildren. I do.
But as a mother, I know how important it is to be able to stay at home with babies, especially nurslings.

Gibson is three months old. He has never once wanted his mama and her milk and not had it. Today, she'll be at work, pumping her milk when she can and probably crying.
She'll race home on her lunch break so she can nurse her baby and wolf down a sandwich and then race back to work.

I don't have a pretty red bow to wrap this one up with. I'm just saying that we live in crazy times. Oh, we always have lived in crazy times but somehow, things just seem to be getting crazier. And the inmates ARE running the asylum and we've let them and I just can't help but be afraid for the world my grandsons are going to grow up in.


  1. Oh dear. I had to go back to work when Jonah was three months old too, and instead of a grandma to leave him with, I left him with a (fantastic, loving, full of grandmas) daycare. And as much as I needed to be back at work, or at least around other grownups OTHER than my idiot (now ex) husband, it was so effing hard. I'm so glad Lily has YOU to leave those boys with, if she has to leave those boys with anyone. You're right; there's no bow to tie this one up with and Fischer and Romney should be tarred and feathered and run out of this country, but there are also people like you, and Lily and Jason and your whole beautiful family in this world, and that's something.

  2. Romney has to walk a thin line. On one hand he may need the crazies but on the other, there is the general populace in the middle who do think rationally and he needs their votes also. Did you see the movie "Game Change"? If not, I recommend it because it gives us a look at the other side and their motivations, which are really not so different from our own.

  3. 3 months? My god that is awful. Parents in Canada get a year of paid paternity/maternity. I didn't know that a mom could be forced back to work so soon. That seems like such a violation of Gibson's rights.
    I am very glad that Owen and Gibson have you. But oh, my heart hurts for Lily.

  4. I have been where Lily is--twice, and both times it killed me. I had three months of maternity leave, and then Harvey had three months, but still...leaving that baby who had been out of my sight maybe eight hours for the first three months of her life for eight hours to return to a job FOR THE INSURANCE is one of the heartbreaks of my life.

    I have always wanted to be a housewife, and I have never ever had the opportunity to stay home and take care of my family. I've resigned myself to the fact that I should have taken my retirement in my forties and then gone back to work.

    Crying a little for Lily, Gibson, and Owen today, crying a little for this whole country too.

  5. I'm sad for Lily and Gibson, and for the mess that our "greatest country in the world" is in. More stress = more sick days, less productivity, more problems that = more stress, etc. etc. BUT, Lily and Jason and Gibson and Owen have you. I very much wish I could have helped my son and his family the way you are filling in for them. And your grandsons will adore you forever. Mer mer is the queen of their world.

  6. Nope, it's sucky. And we know many women die in the US because of lack of proper maternity care, and real maternity leave provision is part of that whole area. Three months is so soon, and my heart goes out to Lily.

    Having said that, I stayed home on no money and it sort of ran us into the ground, and stressed us way out and didn't do my coping skills or emotional well being any good in other ways, and maybe was bad for my kids anyway... it's hard to win, the money thing. It really is.

  7. oh god. And why can't she have her baby in a sweet safe place nearby? I wish we could re create our world. I hope it's okay for her as it is. So hard.


  8. I am normally optimistic and have always believed things balance themselves out. I am very sorry to say I am becoming worried for us all. I think we are in for a fall.

    On the other hand, your family has a support system that provides a loving, safe place for the children. This is a very good thing.

  9. Oh Mary, I'm so sorry. Sweet beautiful mommy Lily needs to be home with Gibson even though he and Owen have the best grandmother in the world.

    I agree that our society is getting crazier. It scares the hell out of me what kind of world we are leaving for our children. But, as others have so gently responded, there are still families like yours and that gives us all hope.

    Keep doing what you do, raising wonderful, talented, kind, intelligent human beings. When I think of the amazing Jessie and all the babies she will touch with her angel hands and heart, I definitely feel that there is hope.

    You and yours are contributing to the betterment of our world!

  10. this will be a hard day for lily. bless her heart. i am glad those boys have a loving grandmother to stand in the gap. they won't suffer at all. but lily will. hugs, dear mary. i wish the whole world thought as you do.

  11. People don't make any sense anymore. I hope I hope that the majority isn't this insane - that there are more people like you and we just need to be louder. I've never been very political, but all of this ignorance makes me so angry. And it has gotten hard to live. Damn it has.

  12. This makes me so sad. We need to all move to a Scandinavian country -- or Switzerland.

  13. Yes, Bryan Fisher is clearly gay and lonely, which is so sad.

    We have been caught in the health care grind ourselves. It is the issue which dictates so much of the freedom, or lack of freedom, in our lives.

  14. Sara- It's a scandal and a sin, what this political bullshit has come to. And yes, it is the hardest thing in the world to leave our babies with someone when we're not ready. Even a grandmother.

    Rubye Jack- Yeah, but politics takes it all to a whole other level. I haven't seen that movie. I'll try to watch it.

    Birdie- I do not know why we don't live in Canada. Well, maybe I do- it's cold there. But how incredibly humane and sensible. Not things we're known here for in the good ol' USA.

    Pamela- I got to stay home. Of course, we were dirt poor for much of that time but we survived. Now I have no career and no skills that are marketable but somehow, I think it was worth it. Maybe. I sure hope so. But I had a choice and I am SO grateful for that. Being a housewife is pretty great. Except for the, oh, actual housecleaning and shit.

    Denise- Yep. Add to what I said to Pamela the fact that I now get to help my daughter and that makes it all even more worthwhile.

    Jo- I don't think there is any one right answer. I swear. All of your points are valid.

    Deirdre- Well, she works pretty close to where her home is so she could come home on her lunch break and that was really nice for all of us.

    Sandra- We sure can't count on the damn government, can we?

    Lulumarie- And you, my love, are a positive influence on this earth and I wonder if you even realize that. Your friends do. I am so glad to be able to call myself one.

    Angella- Lily did okay. Her customers were happy to have her back and so were her coworkers. And she knew her babies were fine. So it wasn't too bad, I don't think.

    Rachel- I went and looked at some videos of that Fisher guy and he's absolutely and completely insane. It's stunning.

    Magnum- He does seem to be overly concerned with what homosexuals do AND his hair.

    Elizabeth- Or even Mexico!
    They have way more affordable health care than we do. And are far more family-oriented.

    Juancho- It's killing the little guy- this health insurance thing. Who can afford to open their own business anymore? it's scary and crazy and no one talks about that part of it.

  15. Bryan Fisher. Ugh.

    Gay men and lesbians are the new Communists -- the bogeymen of the American right. (Which is one reason my partner and I decided to get the heck out of Dodge!)

  16. Steve Reed- I don't blame you at all for leaving. It seems to me that the haters are chipping away at this country bit by bit. Where is it going to end? I get scared, thinking about it.

  17. 'Oh, we always have lived in crazy times but somehow, things just seem to be getting crazier. And the inmates ARE running the asylum and we've let them and I just can't help but be afraid for the world my grandsons are going to grow up in.'

    You are so right on Ms. Mary Moon. I am glad I stopped by tonight.

  18. Our society today is so different than when I grew up or so it seems. I see so much more hatred and more hateful crimes. Social structure is breaking down more and more. I feel for Gibson and Owen and all the young ones who will grow up in this mess. I hope that the family will be strong enough to hold things together so that they are taught good values in the face of all the craziness out in the world.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.