Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Put Up The Flash

In Steel Magnolias, one of Truvy's lines is, "Sammy's so confused he doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt."

Well, move over, Sammy. Me too.


It's been a day.

One part of it was ecstatic and I shall write about it here:

I was at Lily and Jason's house to take care of the boy for just a few hours. Sometimes, if they only need me for a little while, I go there so that they don't have to make the long, long drive to Lloyd which really, is only about a fifteen minute drive but still- when you're working and there's a tiny man involved, fifteen minutes is a pretty long time and since I do have to go to Tallahassee now and then to visit the grocery store, I'll just go there and today was one of those days.

Owen's daddy was trying to get him down for a nap when I got there at one but of course when I arrived, that plan went out the window and we shared the lunch I'd brought and he put black olive rings on his fingers and we fed Elmo and I love how he makes pretend eating sounds for Elmo. He clucks his tongue and I know I taught him that and he makes the same sound when we go out to feed the chickens. A hardly audible tcck, tcck, tcck, but it's so darn cute. Anyway, before too long he was beside himself with needing a nap and he would not take a bottle from me and went ballistic when I tried to lay down with him on the bed and so I picked him up and remembered what his Bop always does to get him to go to sleep which is to tickle his neck with his mustache and his beard.
I don't have a beard and not that much of a mustache and so today I pulled out the pin holding up my hair and tickled the little boy's neck and face with the ends of my hair and he fell asleep in my arms with a smile on his face.
I am not kidding.
The boy did that.
I felt like the Queen of the Universe.

My god. It was the most beautiful and satisfying thing I think I've ever done, short of giving birth.

So anyway, I went to the library today too and I am most likely the only woman in the USA who has not read Eat, Pray, Love and I got it on CD to listen to in the car and it is narrated by the author who has one of the most beautiful voices you'll ever hear, professional or non- and I was listening to it and it starts out with how she started praying and she was crying out from her soul in her bathroom because she didn't want to be married any more and she didn't want to have a baby and she addressed god directly and then she heard a voice from within her say, "Go back to bed, Liz." And that's when she knew God was Real.


I'm going to have problems with this book, aren't I?

Shit. I should probably just not listen to another moment because I'm going to be bitching for weeks. Here's another thing Truvy says: "I don't understand those people...but they sometimes seem to have a sense of peace about things that I've never had. Maybe I'm just jealous."
Bless Truvy. She's sweeter than I am.

Because when you start out a book like that and then in the next few pages go on to tell about the completely horrible and devastating divorce you went through and then the even worse horrible and devastating break-up with another man you went through, I just don't get where god comes in. My own damn body tells me to go to bed every night and I listen to it and that has worked out well for me.

But wait. Maybe god was the one who told her to study Italian which lead to...Eat, Pray, Love which has obviously made the author a fabulously wealthy woman and I should indeed withhold judgment until I get to the part about India.

Well. I do not know.

All I know is that the second I held my first baby in my arms my spiritual journey was signed, sealed, delivered, and I didn't even have to put on a sari. Now listen closely- I am not saying that having children is the path to god that most people need to follow. Not at all. I am just saying that this is how it worked for me. Of course there have been many, many different journeys I've taken which have illuminated and instructed me, but not very many of them have involved actual travel unless you count the steps from the kitchen to the garden and back to the stove.

Or to the bed.

Which all reminds me that I have clean sheets to put on my bed and greens from the garden waiting to be made into supper and a grandson to take care of in the early morning while his mama goes to get her tooth fixed.

Maybe if I wrote a memoir it would be called Love, Grow, Cook, Eat, Sleep.

Maybe it would be called, Make Pizza And Drink Martinis.

Maybe it would be called, What The Fuck?

And maybe it would be called, Tickle My Neck Until I Fall Asleep, Grandmother.

And who knows? Maybe it would be called, The Wisdom of Truvy.

I don't know but I do know that Mr. Moon is in town playing poker and I should just go eat my arugula salad with avocado and go to bed. I'm tired and the moon is full and I want to take her picture but she's still somewhere in the wings, putting on her make-up and her silver Cha-Cha shoes.

I'll report in tomorrow when I can. You know I will.

Love...Ms. Moon Who Is Not Fabulously Famous And That Is All Right With Her Because She Is Afraid To Go To India Anyway


  1. Oh Mama, you are so wise. Right now I am trying to make soup that tastes like yours, and if that isn't a connection to the highest and most profound love (which isn't that what God is supposed to be?) I don't know what is.
    I wouldn't have recommended that book to you. We shall discuss.
    I love you.

    I want to make Owen fall asleep with my hair too. That sounds awesome.

  2. I loved that book the first time I read it. The second time...not as much. I don't have an issue with believing in God though, so that wasn't really a hang-up for me.

    It's really not a preachy type of book. Stick with it, if you like the rest of the story. I dont know.

  3. That book was written by a spoiled rotten selfish bitch. Her spiritual journey is rather pathetic more than profound. It was obvious she'd set out to write a book about her journey and I'm pretty sure she enhanced a good bit of it although nothing that exciting happens that you can't pretty much do at home.

  4. Maysie- Should I just put it down, the book? Why do I think that Keith's book is a far more accurate rendering of a spiritual journey?
    I love you.

    SJ- Well, I listen as I drive around so maybe it will be okay. We shall see.

    Jeannie- I am thinking you are right. And I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who thinks so.

  5. I might be the only woman on the planet who read the book and thought it was way, way over-rated. I had a problem with her "problems" -- she got divorced when she was in her early thirties, she was paid to travel around the world to eat, pray and then fell in love with a guy in Bali. I just couldn't feel sorry for her. However, I did go hear her speak with Annie LaMott once at UCLA, and she does have a remarkably beautiful voice and seems serene and sweet and wise and all of that. But she was a total LIGHTWEIGHT compared to Lamott -- it was stunning, actually.

  6. I'm only reading the comments right this instant and see that I'm actually NOT the only person who has read the book and didn't like it. Well, there you go -- we've gathered right here at the Church of the Batshit Crazy with our crazy viewpoints.

  7. Oh Ms. MOON you MUST keep reading/listening to that book, because I have not the time and I want to hear your report! (I trust it) :)

  8. I have not read the book or seen the movie. I am a trilobite from the dark ages I guess. I would rather read about Keef.

  9. Oooh, the hair trick was inspired. You are amazing and see, you don't suck, even a tiny bit!
    I would not recommend that book. In fact, the whiny oh I don't like the mess I made of my life existential crisis of hers just pissed me off. I felt she was spoiled and whiny, and I know I was judging harshly, but that was my gut reaction. The movie wasn't all that for me either, I kept thinking get over yourself and make up your mind. But ask me how I really feel!
    I smiled to read your potention memoir titles. So many possibilities. Enjoy your full moon. XO

  10. Elizabeth- Huh. I think we may be on to something here. Like...the truth. And I can only imagine that Ann Lamott wiped the floor with her ass. In a manner of speaking, of course.

    Amber- I'll try.

    Syd- ME TOO!

    Mel- That was surely a high point of my life.

  11. I think when I read it at age 25, my perspective was very much altered. That said, I can relate to ending up in a place that you completely didn't anticipate at the time you reach 30.

    I think what struck me most about the heart of the book was her struggle with depression, in particularly, her struggles with getting off her meds during the time she was in Italy. I dont know -- to each her own!

  12. I haven't read it and don't plan to read it. Saris, however, are a really graceful way to dress! And Indians wrap packages with old saris, and that's pretty nice, too.

  13. I started out rooting for her to get "real" and then no.
    I would never want to see the movie.

    It was too girlie for me. Too privileged new age or something. I love God, and food, especially Italian , and am madly in love,

    but something about her and her journey was just not real enough.

  14. Oh, Ms. Moon how I've missed you! Personally, I would definitely read a book titled "What the Fuck!" before "Eat, Pray, Love"; it holds no interest for me. I've heard it wasn't good anyway.
    I have been lax in my reading and commenting but I'm catching up.

  15. Mary, I wish you could read that book with a different mindset. I guess you won't, and it makes me sad.

    But your idea of god seems so limited. It's so connected to official Christianity, and a old man in a white beard and a robe telling people what to do.

    In that book, yes, she gets into Bhuddism, but her version of hearing a divine voice inside herself is so far removed from the oppressive religion of narrow minded people who use it to control others, that one you're so rightfully angry at. It just seems so limiting to throw it all away.

    Gilbert preaches very little in that book other than listening to yourself and meditation and doing what's good and right for you.

    Ok, it has flaws, and Danielle will be the first to point them out, I'm sure. But there's a lot to be taken from it. She's not going to try and convert you.

    Also, you should look up her talk on being an artist/writer, it's wonderful.

  16. Hey Mary,
    For what it is worth...I couldn't read the book because I hated it but...when she got to Italy, I could totally relate to finding god in the pasta and pizza!!! Actually, I finally read the whole thing and thought.."this is it!" As for India, Jim is going next week for work and I will let you know if he has any spiritual experiences.
    Love you so much and yes...write a book already...will ya!

  17. Hey Mary,
    For what it is worth...I couldn't read the book because I hated it but...when she got to Italy, I could totally relate to finding god in the pasta and pizza!!! Actually, I finally read the whole thing and thought.."this is it!" As for India, Jim is going next week for work and I will let you know if he has any spiritual experiences.
    Love you so much and yes...write a book already...will ya!

  18. I just want you to read the book to hear your opinions - I don't care if you love or hate it. Either will do for me. Is that bad?

    I kind of liked it, which in the past I wouldn't have dared to admit in the face of all these other comments and your initial opinion, but then again I am just such a middle class bitch with no real problems on a journey of spiritual discovery. Journey metaphorically only. Ah well. Whatever floats your boat, right?

    Mmm, avocado.

    Big kiss

  19. Oh and the god thing turned me off to start with as well. Because you know what I feel about that. But then I'm always happy to respect other people's beliefs. Unless they're Republicans. Only kidding. Kind of.

  20. Hahahahaa you have the best readers.

    I wouldn't read any book endorsed by Oprah™ except for the Russian novelists and Charles Dickens that we all read in high school. Apparently Oprah™ wasn't paying attention then.

    With the exception of Toni Morrison. There's always an exception.

    I want to write a book titled Eat, Wobble, Get Your Knees Replaced.

    I don't know anything. Just that I would touch any book with PRAY in the title.

  21. SJ- Obviously a LOT of people have loved the book.
    It's okay if you do too. I might end up liking it too. Who knows?

    A- I am with you on the saris!

    deb- Since she announces at the outset that she is writing about her journey, it's like...a little set-in-stone from the beginning to me. Ya know?

    Mel's Way- Yeah. What The Fuck is a good title. I wonder why no one has used it before.

    Jo- I don't think it's MY view of god which is narrow or limited. SHE's the one who calls "him" "god". Male. But I'll give it a try. I'm not a complete horse's ass. Just mostly.

    Terry Joy- I trust you. And yeah, tell Jim to go find god in India and then come back and write about it. But tell him not to have an affair while he's about it.

    Mwa- I do not respect a lot of people's beliefs. That's a flaw of mine.

    Radish King- I DO have the best readers, don't I? I would read Eat, Wobble, Get Your Knees Replaced. For sure.

  22. Haven't read the book yet... saw the movie on dvd and didn't like it much, for many of the reasons you and others here have already mentioned. She just seemed so all about herself. At least in the movie. But I always heard the book was better... maybe I'll let you read it first.

  23. Oh Ms Moon,
    I loved that moment with Owen. Perfect and brilliant and sweet sweet sweet.
    Please give Eat Pray Love a try, if just for her lovely voice. She wooed me. And her time in Italy is so fun, especially the pizza and sweating soccer Italians.
    Gotta go, at work.
    Used Fabuloso for the first time today, thanks to you!

  24. oh my god! NO SWEATING soccer playing Italians, SWEARING! But I imagine they were good and sweaty too.
    I don't think I would've liked the book at all if I'd read it, but listening to her was a true delight and addiction.
    Though I do agree with the other comments too.

  25. People's views on one subject, as you see, can vary so greatly. I am a believer in God, so some opinions seem limited to me (and makes me sad). But that's me. And that's them.

    Leslie said it was all about her. Yeah! It was! So what? If you wrote a book it would be all about you, too (well, mostly. I can see you putting lots of other people in it cause you're cool like that. And I'd totally read 'What The Fuck'. I almost spit my milk out with that! lol). But it was one woman's journey. Dissect the things you have a problem with (God, praying, etc) and just listen. I think she's got a good message at the end.

    Now having said all that, I've only seen the movie and haven't read the book. I understand they're different (and they say such in the extras of the movie). And watching a movie "Hollwood-izes" it all, which I hate. But it's entertainment. It's another persons story. That's all. I just wish people would stop being so critical.

    Sorry luv. Didn't mean to get on the soap box.

  26. Leslie- I tell you one thing- she has a voice that any actor would envy. It is perfectly lulling. I mean, her physical voice. I shall probably listen to the whole thing and report in.

    Bethany- Did you like the Fabuloso? I agree with you on her voice, as I spoke about in my comment to Leslie. It's funny though- I just finished listening to an audio book read by Kathy Griffin and her voice, to be kind, is NOT lulling but somehow, I liked it better, that grating, profane voice. But that's just me.

    Perovskia- Well, it would be a sad world if we only read and experienced things that made us feel comfortable with our own views. And I try not to be one of those, although I am sure I am. I'm giving it a listen. I promise.

  27. I didn't read that damn book, but I did see the movie, because I am not so secretly in love with Javier Bardem, but it bored the shit out of me (the movie). Seems to me that bitch was just some dumb selfish yuppy. Boring. BORING.

    If you come up with something different, let me know.

    I love you.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.