Sunday, January 16, 2011

Batshit Crazy But No Sunday Sermon

Weird times in the hen house here in Lloyd.
I finally get an egg and it looks more like a torpedo.
When I let the chickens out this morning, Elvis started doing his fancy two-step right next to Mabel which in the summer would mean lay down and assume the position but in the winter seems to mean nothing and I could just hear her saying Oh fer christ sake, ya horny old rooster, leave me alone there's fresh corn on the ground.

I think I might be going crazy and am not even aware of it. Okay, maybe I'm a little aware of it. Maybe I shouldn't have read that book by Keith Richards, maybe I shouldn't have moved into a house built before the Civil War, maybe I shouldn't have been raised by loonies, I don't know. What are you going to do? Put on your damn overalls and get a load of laundry going and make the husband some toast and give him a banana because his stomach is still messed up and hey- does that BRAT diet mean that you have to eat a banana, some rice, some applesauce AND some toast all at once?
I don't think so but I'm not sure.
I hope not. I haven't bought a jar of applesauce since Jesus was circumcised and I only have one apple and that would yield a pitiful amount to go to the trouble to make and the only rice I have is brown and that is probably not as easy on the tummy as white rice.
Had to cancel the brunch with the boys because Mr. Moon's tummy took a turn for the worse last night after I poisoned him with chicken soup. Jessie and I both ate some without any ill results but I should have known better than to let him try and eat some.
So I've given him a banana, like I said, and two pieces of toast, and would it be rude for me to fry up some bacon? I'm hungry.
Plus, I should do something to counteract the entire pot of coffee I seem to be determined to drink this morning as I can feel the needle on the speed-o-meter moving closer and closer to the HEART EXPLOSION! WARNING! WARNING! range of the device.

So. Back to crazy.
How do you know sometimes if you're crazy or just more of your regular self? And is there a difference? Who the fuck knows? Not me.
I dreamed I went to a counselor but I only had three sessions with her and I knew for a fact that wasn't going to take care of MY problems. "Just give me the damn prescription!" I told her and then I was driving around Winter Haven, Florida, looking for a place to eat with my ex-husband.

God. I really sort of want some bacon.

It's probably a damn good thing I have a rehearsal this afternoon. Otherwise I might just die of mold or something here in Lloyd. I'll get in my car and drive to Monticello and get out at the Opera House and go upstairs and try to act like a normal human being who is acting.

Maybe I'll even take a walk this morning if I can find my walking shoes. They're probably filled with dog kibble which I think Zeke hides in them. Did I tell you there's a tiny bird flying around my porch? She can't seem to figure out how to get out. I'd take a picture but

but nothing, go get the camera.

After I took her picture I opened the screen door and she flew out. Poor little thing. Her heart is probably beating faster than mine and that's saying something.

All right. Well, that's about it from me.
I have an egg, I have bacon. I have toast and bananas.

I do not have a sermon and as to hymns, I can't think of anything that would be fitting this morning unless it would be something by David Bowie or Frank Zappa and no, we will not be singing any of those.

I'm crazy, I'm hungry. How are you?


  1. Wowie Zowie, baby
    You're so fi-ine
    Wowie Zowie, baby
    Please be mi-ine
    Wowie Zowie
    up and down the li-ine
    I don't even care if
    you shave your legs...

    (Nothing wrong with a little Frank Zappa hymn to start off the day)!

  2. lulumarie- Okay. That's wonderful. You're right. Thanks, sweetie!

  3. That little bird looks like a chickadee.

  4. "God. I really sort of want some bacon."

    You have immaculate timing in your writing. It's a gift.

  5. Shoshanna- You may be right.

    Lisa Page Rosenberg- Well, really- when don't we want some bacon?

  6. try to act like a normal human being who is acting.

    love that line.
    i am a super bitch today. don't know why, what can you do but ride it out? and maybe eat some bacon.

    i consider this a fine sermon and i loved every bit.
    happy sunday dear MM.

  7. My heart is now officially beating fast as well -- at the speed of your non-crazy thoughts and out of love for you!

  8. Bethany- Yep. Super Bitches needs they bacon. Uh-huh.

    Elizabeth- You sweet thing! Kiss, kiss.

  9. I'm crazy and hungry as well... so you are definitely not alone... Love the photo of the Chickadee on the Christmas lights. I once rescued a Hummingbird from my screened porch. I had to catch it with a butterfly net. Their metabolism is so high I was afraid it would suffer a heart attack if it didn't find the door... It seemed grateful when I released it outside... as I'm sure your little dee did... Think I'm gonna go have some cereal! Have a great day!

  10. I was craving bacon this morning. I just had to make some.
    And I don't think you're crazy. Crazy people are 100% convinced they're sane.

  11. I was up for 2 hours last night with heartburn...and we had had such a nice dinner out. Mr. Moon and I could have commensurated together though I feel fine now. Hope he is feeling better by this evening.

    Crazy? Yes, I have to say that there are days that I wonder if I am screwed up and just faking it for the public. Because sometimes inside I feel like I don't have the whole story of what I was raised upon... and then I pick up my feet, move along.

    Eggs..what is with the winter eggs? Our girls are still laying, thank you ladies, but we have had some odd eggs too. Like the soft shell you talked about. That was just weird. What to do with it? Science experiment for Ryan? Hhhhmm.

    I wanted bacon this morning too, but after heartburn stuck with coffee. Yes, the acid...what am I thinking!

  12. So I read your last post first, but I am glad you got your bacon and your walking shoes! and as for the the human race... I am ashamed. All one can do is try to surround themselves with the few exceptions and I don't know that I have any answers for the rest.
    Hope Mr. Moon's tummy settles fast, sick men can be very similar to sick babies! (well, it is the truth)

  13. Mention Frank Zappa and the first thing that pops into my head is moving to Montana soon, gonna be a dental floss tycoon... I love that silly song.
    Anyway, yes, people suck. It's liberal nature loving respectable hippies like us who adopt roads and clean up after the rest of them. I refuse to even think about Glen Beck to day, that moron.
    So sorry Mr. Moon is sick. The men are not supposed to get sick, it throws the whole equilibrium of life off kilter.
    You are not crazy. Catch 22. You are very sane, very aware and very smart, ergo life makes you crazy. But you are sane enough to recognize this and therefore cannot be crazy. It is a perfect rule, isn't it? Anyway, if you're crazy, I'm coming with you.
    Hope you had a nice walk, hope the Mr. is better soon. My little girl is still coughing, still miserable and I'm trying to keep my shit together until the fourth doctor visit tomorrow. Sometimes modern medicine is useless, and this is one of those times I'm afraid.
    Oh, and the bacon sounds wonderful, I think whatever I make for dinner will involve lots of bacon. :)

  14. I hate when birds get trapped in my porch. They get so scared...

    And I have Christmas lights in mine, too. I keep them up all year so I can have light out my kitchen window twinkling at me on dark days like this.

  15. Hungry, but hormonal-hungry. Like I would eat a live animal if it dared cross me, or I might go out and have a whole family-size pizza. I suppose I should go to bed.


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