Thursday, January 13, 2011


Well I did not make until ten but I did stay in bed until nine when Ms. May called and she is sick, sick, sick and Hank was on his way to take her to the doctor and I don't care how old one of my kids is, I hate when they're sick and I told her she HAS to come here after the doctor to let me take care of her or else get the heat on in her apartment which probably isn't going to happen, NO OTHER OPTIONS.

And the tears that were leaking last night keep coming this morning too.

Mr. Moon needed a lunch packed and he couldn't find a sweater and then my mother called and she's so excited that she's getting both knees replaced and well.

I don't know. I am just overwhelmed.

Not at the idea of taking care of my daughter or Owen who is also coming out later but at the idea that my daughter has been alone in that apartment for three days, sick, no heat but a space heater and it is so cold here. For Florida, anyway. I need to make soup for her. NEED to, and tea as well, and tuck her into the Panther room and make her cozy. And I will feel overwhelmed until that happens.

I cannot control everything. I cannot. I have to remember that.

I finally finished the Keith Richards book last night and aren't you happy? I feel as if I've had my last love affair with a guitar player and it was far more satisfying than a real one would have been.
And here's what I learned:
1. Keith Richards did not have his blood washed or replaced in Switzerland. He went there to get a cure for heroin addiction but it did not involve blood washing. And I think he's telling the truth because why would he lie after admitting to so many other things?
2. He did not fall out of a coconut tree. He was sitting on a branch of a small, regular tree, reached for another branch to swing down to go eat lunch and his hands were slippery with suntan oil and he missed and fell and hit his head on the tree itself.
Why this makes any difference is beyond me but there you go.
And he ends the book talking about his mother.
So there you go again.

The next book I think I'm going to read is by a local couple and it's about the shrimping industry. I'm sure you can't wait to hear about THAT.

And it's cold but sunny and here I sit, not helping anyone who needs it but desperately wanting to and feeling completely ineffectual.

Back in the olden days we used to say, "I've got to get my shit together," and that's how I feel but I'm running around like a fish in a bowl, swimming from one bump-nose place to another with no idea that my entire world is six inches of water. Owen's doing this thing nowadays where if there's something between him and where he wants to go he says, "Beep-beep."
I should adopt that practice as well.
"Beep-beep," but what the hell is in my way?
Oh yeah. Me.

May just called. She has bronchitis and they're going to get the drugs she needs at a pharmacy and when she balked a bit about coming out here I said, "Please. Please let me take care of you," and she is going to let me and so I'm going to go start soup. Pick greens and simmer beans and chop vegetables and some days that's all you can do but if that's it, then that's it.

"Beep-beep." Out to the garden, to the chicken coop, to the kitchen. Short journeys today, but get out of my way, I have small things to do and I NEED to do them for my soul, my heart, my well-being.


  1. Beep Beep. Perfect. I've made my daughter so much soup she won't eat it any more, so I bump my nose against the glass.

    You reminded me of the joke, where the old fish asked the young fish how's the water, and they shrug and say what's water?

    Have fun with that boy and thank goodness May will let you take care of her. Feed her soup and feed your soul at the same time.

  2. Love your Beep-Beep revelation. Sigh.

    And this - The next book I think I'm going to read is by a local couple and it's about the shrimping industry. I'm sure you can't wait to hear about THAT.
    - made me LOL.

    I'm sort of sad about the coconut tree now, for the sake of the poem :(

  3. making soup...
    nothing more comforting and loving and nourishing and holy, the very word makes me feel...
    like whispering a prayer.

    beep beep

  4. Poor Maymala- tell her I love her. And I love you too, Mama.

  5. Soup heals more than bodies. And taking care of May is taking care of yourself. You're a wise woman, even when you don't feel like it.

  6. soup is my go to for most things.

    and red wine ;)

  7. I love that fish joke. Very zen. MM you are such a good mother. My son takes care of me when I need taking care of now. It used to be just me taking care of me and doing a crappy job at it. He's going to be such a great father some day. I am awesome proud of him.

    beep beep indeed.

  8. I can't wait to hear about the shrimp fishery book. I got the Keith book for C. She adores him, but says that I am infinitely better looking even at his best. I like that.

  9. Thank you for putting the blood washing myth to rest.

    My best to your daughter, to you. We bumfuzzle our way through the days...each time I visit here I marvel at all that you do, including the blessings you leave at other blogs.

  10. Yes Ms. Moon, you leave blessings in your wake. I am so glad you are getting to take care of May (who is a wonderful writer by the way, she takes after her mama!). That will be such a healing thing for you both. I remember the times in my life when I felt most right, as if I was exactly where I needed to be doing exactly what I needed to be doing, were the times when I was taking care of my children as babies, and later on when they were sick. Nothing else mattered. Life narrowed down to its simplest dictate. To love them with all we have.

    We are such sister spirits, both of us feeling somewhat overwhelmed. Something Elizabeth wrote has been echoing in my head. "And it was much, but not too much." For some reason, it helps me to whisper that.

    Love to you Ms. Moon. I hope it is an easier moment when you read this.

  11. If anyone can help bring May back to health more quickly is is YOU!

    By the way, I, as a grown adult, have a habit of saying "beep-beep", even in public when someone is in my way... It is very effective in getting things to move out of your way, Trust me : )

    And I hope you find peace in all situations that threaten to overwhelm you.

  12. Is it bad that I keep wishing you were my mother too? Like a second, back-up mother?

    I love the beep-beep. Better than Marie who used to say "Out of my wa-ay!" in a really annoyed voice while pushing. (She was still really cute while she did it, obviously.)


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