Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Number Three Thousand, Three Hundred And Thirteen

Three thousand, three hundred and twelve.

That is the number of posts I've written for this blog.

In five years.

That's ridiculous.

I went back this morning and looked at all of my anniversary posts and a few of the ones surrounding them. Man, I just never run out of shit to talk about, do I? That was my main realization. My secondary one is that the hydrangea are usually blooming by this time. I just went out and checked. Not one bud. I did cut them back pretty severely this spring.

I wish I could say that I've learned a lot in the past five years. Perhaps I have but I've also forgotten 99% of whatever that was. I told Lily yesterday that I'd had a realization. That a president who is fifty-seven years old is not considered to be an old president. So why do I feel so old?
She said, "What are you going to do when you turn sixty?"
"It is not going to be good," I said.
I then told her I was going to find an ice floe and set myself adrift on it.

I was only partially kidding.

I was a mere child five years ago. I wasn't even a grandmother yet. Not by a long shot. Now I'm a grandmother twice over.

I took yoga five years ago. I don't now. My yoga block is something for Owen to stick tacks in. I'm afraid to unroll my yoga mat for fear of what might fall out of it.

I hadn't gone truly crazy yet five years ago. Now, going truly crazy is something I know I can do and boy-oh-boy, that's something I'm not ever going to forget as much as I wish I could.

Five years ago I did not have chickens. I sure as shit have chickens now.

Five years ago I was having hot flashes. I still am.

Five years ago I had a garden. I still have a garden and haven't learned one damn thing about gardening, obviously. Hell, I had a garden almost thirty-five years ago. Again- I haven't learned much.

Frankly, I'm not sure how much I've learned about anything at all in the past five years or the past fifty-seven, almost fifty-eight. If you want to know the truth.

Some days I think I've learned a lot. Some days I think that the main thing I've learned is that I don't know shit and that there are times when I need to shut-up and realize that and not display my ignorance.

I tell you what I do know- life can be hard, even under the best of circumstances. It is filled with vast pits of sorrow and you lose friends and your friends are going to lose you, too. Eventually. That you can love someone with all of your heart and soul and you can't keep them safe. That making the same mistakes over and over and over again is not just the definition of insanity, it is the definition of being human. That babies are hope in a way that nothing else is. That dignity isn't worth shit and the sooner you let go of any desire to preserve it, the better off you'll be. That death isn't the worst thing. That love is really all that matters in the end, especially if you have enough money. That clean sheets are one of the cheapest, best things in the world. That things can happen to you in childhood that you'll never, ever get over, I don't care what anyone says. That people are supposed to keep chickens. That when your children grow up they can become your best friends but you'll still always be their mother. That love abides. It can. Even as it changes, it can abide.

Those are a few of the things I'm pretty sure of. The rest? Well, I'll leave it all to someone who is younger and has a better-functioning brain than I do to figure out.

Here's one more thing I know for sure- writing this blog is my joy. That I never imagined, five years ago, it would come to mean as much to me as it does. That people would have any desire to come here and read what I have to say about the weather and Jesus and aging and grandchildren and side-boob and politics and gardens and chickens and death and birth. About having the god gene or not having the god gene. About Keith Richards. About sexual abuse and pain and sorrow and joy and cooking and dancing and not-dancing and bras. About Cozumel and Just Being and fighting to get there and trying to get back. Both to the place and the mind-set. About dogs and shit. About acting and not-acting. About sanity and insanity. About gratefulness.

No idea. Hank said, "Do it," and I finally did it.

Okay. I shouldn't have said that thing about a give-away. Who in hell do I think I am? Pioneer Fucking Woman? But I tell you what- give me some suggestions on what a good blessourhearts giveaway should be and I'll consider it.

As to cake- that picture up there is my traditional blogoversary picture. There's TWO cakes in it.

I love you.

I mean it. You will never know how many mornings the only reason I could find to get out of bed was to see if anyone had commented on what I'd written the day before.
There have been days when the only thing I could accomplish was to sit here and spin words.

And that's something. That's life-saving. That's why I love you.

You. And you. And you, too.

And especially you.

Every day I give away my heart and every day you take it so gently and you give me yours in return. The greatest honor. Five years. 3, 312. And now 3,313.

Thanks, You.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. God Bless You Mary Moon.

    I agree with everything you said and am, as I always am, so grateful that you said it.

    Your honesty, pain, joy and sorrow have changed my life for the sharing of them. I truly thought I was lost until I found you and the world you have opened to me. It matters, Mary. It matters, big time. Thank you so very much and here's to 5 more blessed years. Keep writing. I love you xx

    Happy, happy anniversary!

  2. There is nothing you could possibly give to your readers than those pieces of your heart you share with us daily. I rarely comment, lacking the ability to say anything meaningful, but thanks for sharing. You have no idea how important you are in my life.

  3. Happy blog birthday, Mary Moon.

  4. I'm happy that I got here through Mrs. Bastard-Beloved. I wish that I had been here from the first, but I wasn't. Bloggers have a sense of community that is hard to describe. It sounds to me like you learned a lot. I know that I have from coming here.

  5. Happy Anny, Mz Moon...I read you almost every day and you are indeed a beacon in the foggy nights of the blogging world.

    Except for that freaking word verifier that I can barely makle out half the time and typo through the other half. Have you noticed they have really cleaned it up tho,?


  6. I'm glad you began blogging. I learn something or feel something every time I visit your site. Like you, I have a tendency to forget the things I've learned and need to be reminded frequently. That's why your blog never gets old or boring. It's life boiled down, and I need a daily dose of that. Cheers to 5 years!

  7. Happy Anniversary. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. It means the world.

  8. I do not know to eloquently describe my emotions after reading this post, All I can tell you is that it made me cry like a baby. To know that there is something between you and me (us, the readers) that is so profound and sustaining.....well, I can just say that relationships like this are just incredible. I don't have a lot of time to spend reading blogs - my days are filled with wrangling children, horses, goats and my beloved chickens, but I will tell you this, I check this dang computer several times a day, just to see if you have updated your posts. I'd like to offer my comment on the giveaway thing. I come to you because with your words you take me places.....not just to Dog Island, or the mall, but places in my mind and heart that I am sometimes hestitant to go without a little shove. Anyway, I would feel pretty silly accepting anything from you besides the love and talent that you already put out there. It's more than enough. Way more.

  9. Happy blogo-anniversary, Ms. Mary Moon. We joined the blogosphere the same year! And for what it's worth, you do a damn fine job of making the rest of us who go batshit crazy from time to time (or who perpetually are) know we're not alone. I come here every day--for chickens, those babies, sideboob, --for you and your lovely voice.

  10. Delurking once again to say happy anniversary!

    I feel like I know you. One of these days I'm going to get in my car and drive a few hours north of my home in Orlando and just wander around Floyd till I hear the chickens. Maybe I'll bring you a cake. With crickets in it.

  11. Happy blogiversary. I love your words. I love your family. I love you.


  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

  13. Best fucking blog on the planet. Love, L7

  14. Happy anniversary, mama! I knew you'd take to blogging. Direct response to something you've written is better than crack rock.

  15. Oh, Ms. Moon -- Happy blogaversary! My life has been enriched more than you'll ever know since I started visiting you, here. I love you so much.

    Giveaway ideas? Why don't you do a random giveaway and the number picked will get a chicken named after her or him?

  16. 3,313 as of today ~ that's a pretty cool number and definitely not too many. Happy Anniversary, dear Mary!

    Your blog is a beautiful treasure and gift. I agree with Joey that you already provide a fantastic giveaway every day of the year.

    May you have some hydrangea buds by the end of the week in honor of your 5th blog anniversary.

    Love, love, and thanks to you:)

  17. Happy blogivarsary Ms Moon, I haven't been here from the start but you make me feel like one of yours anyway.. You gather us all to you, I LOVE reading your blog and everyone's comments, it takes me half way around the globe to a world very different from my own in Ireland but yet with so much shared.. Keep on keeping on.. J in Eire

  18. And that is what we like to do Ms Moon: comment on the things you write and not write. Even if often we don't say the right things we obviously keep coming back for more. You have the gift of writing... And we can enjoy it. Blog groupies are good for our ego's...
    Keep on sharing with us if you can and find the energy, and I for one will keep sending you comments...

  19. Liv- That makes me feel as if maybe, truly, what I do here is more than just for me. Thank-you.

    Llyn- I try to remember that lots of people come here who do not comment but that's okay. Not everyone feels comfortable commenting. I thank YOU, too.

    Madame King- You.

    Syd- And I am so glad to know you. I learn from you all the time.

    Akannie- Yep. The word verifications have gotten easier and I think they are pretty lenient. Thanks for struggling through them.

    Lora- It's so funny. You and I- we're so different and yet, we share so much of the sameness. I love your blog. Your children feel like my own grandchildren in a way. They are that special to me.

    Stephanie- You are a blessing in my life.

    Joey- There you go. That was my paycheck. Paid in full. Thank you.

    Sara- It's hard to remember the Time Before Blogs, isn't it?

    Ellen- Well, it's Lloyd. Not Floyd. But probably not much easier to find. You'll hear the chickens. That's for sure.

    Pamela- I'm so glad we've found each other. You inspire me.

    L7- You're crazy. I love you. Forever.

    DTG- Well, I've never done crack (thank god) but you're probably right. You are about most things. And you sure do know your mama. I love you.

    Elizabeth- That's a good one! I never would have met you without this blog. For that, it is worth it.

    Lulumarie- I don't see so much as a bud. The oak leaf hydrangea ARE blooming, though, so it's okay. I love you in real life, I love you here.

  20. Happy blog anniversary. I look forward to reading your next 3,3013 posts.

  21. I love you too! And I'm so happy you do what you do. Every morning when I wake up your blog is the first thing I read. Happy Bloggaversary! And many more.


  22. Happy anniversary on your blog! You know I hold your words in the highest esteem. I really really do and I'm gonna prove it!

    I fell in love with your vision of Cozumel and think I'm going to sell my fiancee of going there for our honeymoon.

    I'm holding out getting chickens anytime soon though :)

  23. Ach, lovely. We love you too ♥

  24. Happy Anniversary Ms. Moon!
    I've been out of town at the best celebration of love between two of my best friends, and it was a joy to come back and read this post. I always check in with you first, you were my first bloggy friend, and I feel like you're darn near family. Love you too, and hope you keep writing until your hands quit working, which should be a long damn time.

  25. Happy Blogoversary, Mer-Mer.

    I, who am usually a damned word-fountain, have no words to tell you how much I love every word you write, every thought you reveal, every feeling you express......how much I love you.

    You are a poet, a philosopher and, often, a wise woman. You are the epitome of what a human being should be.........

    You have enriched my life and I thank you.

  26. Ms. Moon, I just love you so much. I have only been around your blog for about a year and you bless me everyday. I thank you for that. xo

  27. Wow! That is an impressive amount of writing, M2. You make my morning, where ever I am in the world, because I always check in with you over breakfast. I think a lot of people depend on reading you daily, 'cuz there you are, rain or shine, happy or sad, in Lloyd or on one of your trips with the Mr.

    You have replaced the daily paper for us! You have created a community, and that is getting more and more rare out here in the "real" world.

    The love you get is equal to the love you give, and you've been putting it out there for 5 years now. Sending love back at ya'! xxx000 N2

  28. I just did some quick math - that averages out to 1.8 posts a day. Impressive!

  29. I love you, Sister Moon! I am sooooo glad you're here and you're you. Thank you for being who you are!!

    I have learned a lot here. So thank you very much.

    xo, KM

  30. And P.S. I agree with Hank! Direct response to something you've written is TOTAL crack rock. This stands in the way of my future book. Ha ha ha.


    Will you make me a Key Lime Pie? Or at least make one and photograph it so that I can have it as food porn?

  31. Happy anniversary dear Mary Moon. Some days the only thing that gets me out of bed is knowing I'll get to turn on the comp and come here. And visit you, there is in Lloyd, with the chickens and the world's cutest most adorable granbabies, all smiles for mer mer, and you, authentic every minute of every day, loving and raging and gentlling and being your most amazing self. you are the great gift of this blog world to so many of us. you have also connected so many of us, more than you know. we came to your house, sat around your table, and became friends, a beloved community. you are at the center of it, don't you know. i am so glad i found you, and for that i will always be grateful to maggie may and her link about taking out the duck. do you remember it? that is how i found you. and i have been here, crossed legged in front of the fire, ever since, convinced that we are souls finding each other again, souls who have loved each for a very long time. i love you, mary moon. i sure do.

    and that's another thing. i feel safe rambling here. thank you for letting me ramble on those rambly days. i feel like you fold it all in with love and tolerance. you are a rare and wonderful soul. xoxo

  32. Congratulations Ms. moon. You know how I feel about you. It looks like I have a Loy of back reading to catch up on! Have a wonderful day! Annon Jo. ( my regular computer is down)

  33. i'm glad you're on earth, ms. moon.

  34. J in Eire- I think we probably all share far more than we are different. I like that thought a lot.

    Photocat- There is no wrong thing. I swear to you. Thanks for always coming back.

    Kristin- Dang. Well, I'll write 'em if you read 'em.

    Amna- Really? Wow. I'm overwhelmed.

    Julie- Email me if you want suggestions. I think it would be a PERFECT honeymoon place. My email is over there on the sidebar.

    Jo- You've been here so long. We are long-time girlfriends by now. You had me at the picture of the mama ape and her baby.

    Lo- You made me cry. I swear. To have you say that. Well. You did. Make me cry. Thank you.

    Birdie- You are such a part of all of this now. We have mourned with you and we have held you in our arms and we hope the very best for you. You know that, right?

    N2- We are grandmothers, we are in this together, whatever "this" is. This community is very, very special. I feel so blessed to have it. That includes you, you beautiful woman with your Corn Tiger.

    gradydoctor- And you teach me all the time. Because you are an AWARD-WINNING, AMAZING teacher. It's now a proven fact. And honey, my key lime pie is no better than anyone else's. I tell you what- I'll post the damn recipe. Funnily enough, it's May's birthday in two days and I will be making one or two of those things pretty soon. They're easy to make. I promise.

    Angella- I've said here already and I should have said it more but YOU ARE A DAMN BLESSING IN MY LIFE! Okay? You are an example of how very, very different circumstances can be and yet how very, very similar the hearts within those circumstances are. Nothing makes me happier than a long, loving Angella comment. I swear. Thank you for finding me. Yours are mine and vice versa.

    Anonymous Jo- I am just pleased as hell to see how you are unfolding and blooming on your own blog. You are using your own words to tell your own story. Amazingly.

    Dottie Kee-Kee- Girl. The one thing that pisses me off about you is your ability to turn off the comments. There are so many times I want to tell you, "Yes. Yes." And then, "Yes."

  35. Thanks be to God for Mr. Hank. How fortunate we all are you minded his encouragement. Another tremendous post from the Magnificent Ms. Moon.

  36. Your blog is just wonderful! I agree with the first person commenting that it matters, big time. I get such a lift from reading your blog and am counting on your continuing to write it.

  37. It is an honour to know you.
    It just is.


  38. Thank you for those words, your response to my comment was lovely. I'm glad to have found this blog world full of fabulous friends. Now, I have to get back to my intermittently-puking daughter.

  39. You've made me realize that I just missed my second anniversary a few weeks ago! Damn.
    There's still time to celebrate, I hope.
    Congrats to you for putting your heart out here every day. It's admirable and wonderful and something to aspire to.

  40. Ms. Moon,

    You are made of something magic. We are so lucky to share it with you.

    Sage dame, you.

  41. Writers write. Always.

    Joyous Hippie Mama Earth Women inspire. Always.

    And I love you. Always.

  42. Reading your blog each and every day has made MY life better for almost three years now. Don't change a thing.

  43. Well, i've only just discovered your blog, but i love it, and i take joy in the good times for your family, and i sorrow over what you sorrow over, and i hope you keep writing for a long time to come.

    As for give-aways, you give us you and your beautiful words, what more could anyone ask?

  44. I love reading your posts, even if I have to rush, I always have to read them. You make good, honest sense . . . even when you're low and mean (I've adopted that saying)Most days after 6pm I'm low and mean ;-)

  45. Thank you for writing. I keep typing and backspacing, which always means my Thoughts/Emotions-to-English Translation Tool has overheated beyond capacity.

    Reading your blog is uplifting and hope-inspiring in ways I cannot quite describe.

  46. I am so, so grateful you started this blog. Really. Thank you. See you tomorrow. :)


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.