Monday, May 21, 2012

I Forgot How To Just Be. Again

I am feeling low. Low and sort of mean.

I went out to work in the garden and that only made me feel lower and meaner. My garden this year sucks. Everything is getting eaten and turning yellow and not growing and certainly not producing. I had two good pickings of my green beans and now they're not doing a thing. Same with my pintos. I dug up my potatoes and got about half of what I should have. Or less. The yard long green beans are growing up but barely blooming yet. The only cucumbers that are doing anything are the two vines sold to me as cantaloupes. My pepper plants could be measured in inches. My eggplants are alive but ain't doing shit. My squash plants are dying of the vine borer and no, I am not going out there and doing surgery.

If I had to survive on what I'm growing this year, I wouldn't be nearly as fat as I am.

Another reason I'm feeling low and mean.


Well, I did go to town and I had a good time with the boys and Lily. We actually went to the mall. The mall! I can't remember the last time I went to the mall. There's a new little play area right next to the Starbucks and Lily had a Starbucks gift card. So to the mall we went. We walked through one store to get to the play area and I was shocked! Shocked!
It honestly has barely occurred to me recently that you can buy clothes anywhere other than Goodwill or Target. I'm not kidding you. I was like, "Wow. They have really pretty nighties!"

Owen and I pretended to take a nap on one of the beds. We didn't really lay down on it, just sort of leaned on it. 
"Oh, y'all," sighed Lily.

The play area was small and rather scary-looking to me. But Owen loved it and it was all padded to the point where I sort of wish the entire earth had that sort of padding. There would be far fewer knee replacements, believe me.

He wanted me to play with him so I did and almost fell off the slide. I am not kidding you.

That would have been so fucking embarrassing. Luckily, Lily was off with Gibson getting our coffees so she didn't see me. She would have died.

Gibson liked watching all of the children playing and Owen kept coming over to give him hugs.

Gibson isn't always that sure about the hugs but he does love his brother. His brother makes him laugh. Most things make him laugh, to tell you the truth.

Or at least grin real big.
That boy is teething already. I swear, he is. He'll be nine weeks old tomorrow and he's teething. His gums are all bumpy and he wants to chew on his mama's finger and he's drooling. Good Lord! He's getting so strong, too. He can almost sit up by himself and I held him in a standing position on that padded floor and he stood there on his little monkey-man legs like a champ without wobbling for the longest time.

I wonder how many times I kissed him today. I have no idea. About fifty thousand times, I'd say if I had to guess.
Owen was pretty loving too. He was freer than usual with the hugs and kisses.
"Don't be sad," he says. "I hold you hand."
And then he does.

He wanted sushi for lunch. Again- I am not kidding you. So we went to Japonica. That is the real true name of a sushi place in Tallahassee. I love to say it like I am saying the name of a Japanese monster in a Japanese horror movie.


I growl the name with my hands raised into claws. This cracks Owen up.

They have the most comfortable couch in the world in the bar area of Japonica. Owen and I lounged on it for awhile and then we went and watched the sushi chef making Owen's sushi. I got a bowl of noodle soup. It was perfect and had an egg in it and fish cakes, whatever the hell fish cakes are. They were okay. Owen ate some of my noodles. They gave him kid-chopsticks. He used them. We fed each other salad with our chopsticks, Owen and I did.
I said, "This is so romantic."
Some of the salad fell on the table. We didn't care.

He ate a rather shocking amount of his sushi. And he put some on the floor. I do not know why. But he did. I cleaned it up before we left. I've been a server. It's no picnic, believe me.

Gibson ate milk. That's what Owen says. "Gibson eat milk." This is true. He does.

We went to the store after that to pick up a few things we needed. A balloon, some M&M's, a Hot Wheels car. Okay, lettuce and olive oil and cat food, too. The balloon made Gibson smile. Especially when I bonked it on his head. Owen shared his M&M's quite generously.

When we got back to Lily's I changed Gibson's clothes because he'd spit up a lot and then I offered to change Owen's diaper for him. "No thanks," he said.
I respected his dignity.

And despite all of that goodness, I am still feeling low and mean.

My hens aren't even laying. Unless they're laying somewhere else that I don't know about. I got two eggs today. TWO! That's ridiculous. I was getting six a day there for awhile.

I don't know what's wrong with me. It can't really be the garden or the hens. It could really be the fatness.

I guess I go better make some supper. Clam spaghetti. Mr. Moon's favorite. It takes about ten minutes. Can't beat that. I'll make a salad too. I have a cucumber. It was supposed to be a cantaloupe but it is definitely a cucumber.

I hope I feel better tomorrow. I can not and will not say that I hope tomorrow is better because in reality, nothing could be better than going to play with the grand boys and eating sushi and noodles with them and saying Japonica! with my hands in claws and making Owen laugh. Or changing Gibson's clothes. Or bonking him in the head with a green Publix balloon and making him laugh. Or discussing reality TV with Lily.

So it's me. It's all me.

Big surprise, huh?

God. I think it's starting to rain. That might cheer me up. We'll see. It could just be a tease which will make me feel even sadder and meaner.

I'll let you know tomorrow. Which will be my five-year blogoversary.

Come see me. I'll bake a cake. Or something. Maybe I'll even do a give-away which is what the real big-girl-bloggers do.

Don't hold your breath.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Lord, they are scrumptious, those boys. The smile on that little Gibson face is like no other!!

    Fat is no fun, but find me someone who isn't ...over the age of 50. Sigh, but clam spaghetti sure sounds gooooood!

    5 years - I will be here, with balloons and bells :)

  2. How do you make clam spaghetti? I'll search for it, but if you haven't posted it consider this an official request. :D

  3. Liv- You're not fat and don't tell me you are! I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks.

    DTG- Can you even belbe it? As Owen would say.

    Stephanie- I saute onions and garlic in a little olive oil, then add two cans of minced clams with salt, pepper and oregano. I let that simmer while the noodles are boiling. Done. It is delicious.

  4. I am feeling nasty today but I am extremely overtired. It is one of those days where I hate everything. I will likely feel better tomorrow and so will you. Or not. And that is OK too.
    And I kid you not, one of the words for word verification is Meanscr.

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  6. Clam sgetti sounds grand.

    As much as i'd like to think there's some zen happy vein you can tap into any time, some days i'm resigned to believe we're just slaves to our brain chemistry.

    Maybe that fresh, shiny, post rain sunshine, will be just the seratonin, dopamine, epinephrine, biosynthesis boost you need. Omegas from the sushi and clams should help too.

    Like Bob Ross said, you need the dark in order to bring out the brighter things in life. Sorry it's a drag in the meantime. Wish i could come problem-solve the garden for you.

  7. I wish you didn't have to endure your low and mean feelings. I hope tomorrow will be better. That picture of Gibson smiling about did me in.
    5 years!

  8. We can't go to the mall without Colin demanding to visit that play area. We usually just plan on it.

  9. Clams linguine is awesome. That would cheer me up. I can't remember when I have been to the mall either. And to think that it used to be the place to go.

  10. Ha! I was suckin' it in for all I was worth!

  11. we had a nice rain here this evening and it's still dripping. my 8 year old grandson loves sushi too. i think it's his favorite food. i don't have a garden because i have no sun in my yard so i don't have to feel bad because nothing grows because i don't plant anything. so i just can feel bad because i don't have a garden. hope you sleep well with the rain falling and feel better tomorrow.

  12. Linda popped by the other day. She mentioned something about Owen, and i told her that he is the new Fresh Prince of Lloyd!

    Who shall Gibson be? The Duke? Duke Duke Duke Duke of Lloyd... Can you hear it? hee hee.

  13. Gibson is so effing cute with his baby smiley face. And yeah, fatness. Well hell. I could stop eating and then I'd lose weight but what fun is that?

    My seeds haven't come up. The lettuce is ok and the garlic is fine but where is everything else???

    And my chickens are too young to lay. They eat all the time. That's what they do. Eat.

    XX B

  14. Sometimes feeling low and mean is a way of life for me -- sometimes, and then it passes. You know yours will, too. But you talking about it makes me feel better and not at your expense, either. I just feel better knowing that someone with so much goodness (you) can also feel low and mean for no apparent reason. Do you get what I'm saying?

    Well, I do love you.

  15. Ah, fuggetaboutit. Down days- especially in the face of such bounty- blow. But, there they are. Cyber hug, Miss Moon.

  16. Congrstulations on almost 5 yesrs - thst is an eternity from where I stand. And what is this giveaway about - does that mean a drawing for a Ms. Moon prune cake or a picture of OwenGibson? Or something signed by Ms. Moon? The boys are of course the best and the mood is in me too today. Tomorrow will be better. annon jo

  17. It's wonderful that you clean up what your boy spilled at the restaurant; it's something i used to do when i had small kids, too. They would look at me funny, and i would tell the server, "It's not your job to clean up a huge mess my kid made, you brought me good food i didn't have to cook, and someone else washes the dishes, i can clean my own kid's mess." They always liked that, because you are right, that is one tough job.

  18. Sorry about your garden woes, mine is just sprouting and I still have hope in my heart.

    Your babies are so beautiful.

    love d

  19. I had a great day mommy! Sorry I didn't even notice you were feeling blue. I'd say it was just Bout as much as we
    Could hope for on an outing with Owen! I love you and happy blogaversary.

  20. Birdie- Mean scribe. That's me.

    Ajax- If I gave more of a damn about the garden, I'd figure it out myself.
    But thanks!

    Lora- We love babies, don't we?

    Jon- I seriously have NO IDEA when I was last in the mall. I'm thinking I might have to go back and buy a nightie.
    That slide is slippery, by the way.

    Syd- I know! Weird, huh?
    It's not a bad place to take kids. It's always entertaining and there's coffee.

    Liv- Might as well.

    Kristin- I sort of think I should give up on the garden, too. But I never damn will. I know it.

    Ms. Fleur- Yep. I can hear it.

    Beth- That's pretty much a chicken's life. Eating. Yet another thing I share with chickens.
    You will be SO excited when you get your first egg.

    Elizabeth- I feel the exact same about you. Love you.

    See Kate Run- I know. Because then you have to add guilt to the whole fucking mess.

    Anonymous Jo- I'm thinking an Elvis feather. Maybe.
    Or something.

    Messymimi- Either clean it up or leave a ginormous tip. One or the other. Or both.

    Deirdre- Hang on to hope!

    Lily- I wasn't feeling low when I was with you and the boys. I never do. That's why I love to be with all of you so much. You make me happy. Plain and simple.

  21. I share in your fatness. In fact, I trump it. I'm going on holiday soon. I walked out of a changing room full of fat lady defeat yesterday, reeling in horror at my stomach, and forgot the birthday present I'd been meant to collect. Bleh...


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