I Forgot How To Just Be. Again

I am feeling low. Low and sort of mean.

I went out to work in the garden and that only made me feel lower and meaner. My garden this year sucks. Everything is getting eaten and turning yellow and not growing and certainly not producing. I had two good pickings of my green beans and now they're not doing a thing. Same with my pintos. I dug up my potatoes and got about half of what I should have. Or less. The yard long green beans are growing up but barely blooming yet. The only cucumbers that are doing anything are the two vines sold to me as cantaloupes. My pepper plants could be measured in inches. My eggplants are alive but ain't doing shit. My squash plants are dying of the vine borer and no, I am not going out there and doing surgery.

If I had to survive on what I'm growing this year, I wouldn't be nearly as fat as I am.

Another reason I'm feeling low and mean.

Fatness.

Well, I did go to town and I had a good time with the boys and Lily. We actually went to the mall. The mall! I can't remember the last time I went to the mall. There's a new little play area right next to the Starbucks and Lily had a Starbucks gift card. So to the mall we went. We walked through one store to get to the play area and I was shocked! Shocked!
It honestly has barely occurred to me recently that you can buy clothes anywhere other than Goodwill or Target. I'm not kidding you. I was like, "Wow. They have really pretty nighties!"

Owen and I pretended to take a nap on one of the beds. We didn't really lay down on it, just sort of leaned on it. 

"Oh, y'all," sighed Lily.

The play area was small and rather scary-looking to me. But Owen loved it and it was all padded to the point where I sort of wish the entire earth had that sort of padding. There would be far fewer knee replacements, believe me.

He wanted me to play with him so I did and almost fell off the slide. I am not kidding you.

That would have been so fucking embarrassing. Luckily, Lily was off with Gibson getting our coffees so she didn't see me. She would have died.

Gibson liked watching all of the children playing and Owen kept coming over to give him hugs.



Gibson isn't always that sure about the hugs but he does love his brother. His brother makes him laugh. Most things make him laugh, to tell you the truth.

Or at least grin real big.
That boy is teething already. I swear, he is. He'll be nine weeks old tomorrow and he's teething. His gums are all bumpy and he wants to chew on his mama's finger and he's drooling. Good Lord! He's getting so strong, too. He can almost sit up by himself and I held him in a standing position on that padded floor and he stood there on his little monkey-man legs like a champ without wobbling for the longest time.

I wonder how many times I kissed him today. I have no idea. About fifty thousand times, I'd say if I had to guess.
Owen was pretty loving too. He was freer than usual with the hugs and kisses.
"Don't be sad," he says. "I hold you hand."
And then he does.



He wanted sushi for lunch. Again- I am not kidding you. So we went to Japonica. That is the real true name of a sushi place in Tallahassee. I love to say it like I am saying the name of a Japanese monster in a Japanese horror movie.

JAPONICA!!!!!


I growl the name with my hands raised into claws. This cracks Owen up.

They have the most comfortable couch in the world in the bar area of Japonica. Owen and I lounged on it for awhile and then we went and watched the sushi chef making Owen's sushi. I got a bowl of noodle soup. It was perfect and had an egg in it and fish cakes, whatever the hell fish cakes are. They were okay. Owen ate some of my noodles. They gave him kid-chopsticks. He used them. We fed each other salad with our chopsticks, Owen and I did.
I said, "This is so romantic."
Some of the salad fell on the table. We didn't care.



He ate a rather shocking amount of his sushi. And he put some on the floor. I do not know why. But he did. I cleaned it up before we left. I've been a server. It's no picnic, believe me.

Gibson ate milk. That's what Owen says. "Gibson eat milk." This is true. He does.

We went to the store after that to pick up a few things we needed. A balloon, some M&M's, a Hot Wheels car. Okay, lettuce and olive oil and cat food, too. The balloon made Gibson smile. Especially when I bonked it on his head. Owen shared his M&M's quite generously.

When we got back to Lily's I changed Gibson's clothes because he'd spit up a lot and then I offered to change Owen's diaper for him. "No thanks," he said.
I respected his dignity.

And despite all of that goodness, I am still feeling low and mean.

My hens aren't even laying. Unless they're laying somewhere else that I don't know about. I got two eggs today. TWO! That's ridiculous. I was getting six a day there for awhile.

I don't know what's wrong with me. It can't really be the garden or the hens. It could really be the fatness.

I guess I go better make some supper. Clam spaghetti. Mr. Moon's favorite. It takes about ten minutes. Can't beat that. I'll make a salad too. I have a cucumber. It was supposed to be a cantaloupe but it is definitely a cucumber.

I hope I feel better tomorrow. I can not and will not say that I hope tomorrow is better because in reality, nothing could be better than going to play with the grand boys and eating sushi and noodles with them and saying Japonica! with my hands in claws and making Owen laugh. Or changing Gibson's clothes. Or bonking him in the head with a green Publix balloon and making him laugh. Or discussing reality TV with Lily.

So it's me. It's all me.

Big surprise, huh?

God. I think it's starting to rain. That might cheer me up. We'll see. It could just be a tease which will make me feel even sadder and meaner.

I'll let you know tomorrow. Which will be my five-year blogoversary.

Come see me. I'll bake a cake. Or something. Maybe I'll even do a give-away which is what the real big-girl-bloggers do.

Don't hold your breath.

Love...Ms. Moon