Tuesday, November 30, 2010

So Confusing

Yes. It's over seventy degrees here this morning. It's not only warm, it's muggy too. Warm and muggy. The kind of mug that makes you feel like the bag of saltwater my old anatomy teacher said that human beings are.

A big old sloggy bag of salt water.

Slosh, slosh, slosh.

And yet tomorrow night, it's going to hard-freeze which means all my tender, juicy plants outside will need to come in. Mr. Moon will have to get the dolly out and it'll be a pain in the ass to move the big ones but I am not losing certain plants if I can help it. And of course, my most precious plants are the really big ones. The mango, the giant begonias. I have two huge pots of those now. And more leaves rooting.

So today we feel we're in a tropical jungle here and tomorrow we'll be wrapping up to go outside like we're in the Tundra. Believe me. We got the thin blood here in Florida.
It's confusing to us when the weather does this quick 180 and it's confusing to the plants and the chickens will probably be confused as well.

Speaking of the chickens, here they are eating Cheez-Its.

They are not confused about Cheez-Its, despite the unnaturally orange color although they are probably wondering in this warmth why they bothered to grow all those new feathers. By tomorrow night, though, they will be thinking, "Oooh. Thank the Chicken God that we have all these new feathers." And they will fluff those feathers up and stay warm.

Okay. Here's something else that is confusing me:

I am just fine with these excellent instructions up until #5.
What am I missing here? I feel like I must be an idiot. Why does instruction #5 tell you NOT to put foot through Comfort Fit Sleeve when in instruction #1, it so clearly states that this is what you're supposed to do? I keep reading it and reading it, hoping to find some glimmer of illumination but I just can't. Can you? Explain this to me, please.
Meanwhile, I have just followed instructions 1-4 and all seems to be well with the brace. I like its sturdy support. It makes me feel safer in the knee and if that's all it does, well then that's enough.

The dogs seem to be confused today too.
Confused as to where to shit.
I have cleaned up half-a-paper-towel-roll of dog shit today already. Actually, I don't think they're confused at all. I think they're just evil. They look like little cuddle toys but they're basically shit-and-piss machines, put here on this planet to piss me off. They are doing their job well if this is so. Very, very well. They all get A's on their permanent records.

Do you suppose that Winter Haven High School still has my permanent record? I should hope so.

And I guess that's all I have to say for right now. I am just a very confused woman, trying to figure out what she's doing today. I have rehearsal tonight so I suppose I should work on those lines which is something from my list I never accomplished yesterday.
Yes. Lines. They, too, can be confusing.

My wind chimes are tinkling and ringing in the wind which is probably going to bring that cold air and even they sound confused, not sure whether to dance to a minor or major key. It's just that sort of day.


And perhaps it's nothing more than this weather, this wind changing direction from south to north and not being able to quite make up its mind whether to kill us with humidity or blast us with polar air.

It's good to remember that even the weather is confused sometimes but that it always straightens itself out and finds its true purpose. For awhile at least.
Not unlike us, I suppose.
I am letting that thought comfort me today as I limp about, sloggy and muggy, confused and not quite sure what I am doing.

All will be revealed. In the meantime, it's okay just to be confused.
I think.
But am not sure.

It' so confusing.


  1. I am confused today, too. I got the foggy brain.

    The weather is sucky here in Buttfuck, Ohio--cold, windy, drizzly. I hate it.

    But I love you!

  2. It IS confusing today. My house was colder than the outside air, and that's just weird. But this weekend it was be cold and clear and I'll have the parade in front of my house. Are you coming to any of the party?

  3. Ms. Bastard-Beloved- Yeah. The damn weather needs to MAKE UP ITS MIND! I love you too!

    DTG- It's always colder in my house than outdoors. Unless I have the heat on. I'll get dressed, go outside and have to go back in to take off some clothes. I'm not sure about the parade party. We shall see. You know me. Maybe!

  4. The directions remind me of the side effects of some of Sophie's meds. For the same medication one can expect weight gain, anorexia, depression, elation, low blood pressure, elevated blood pressure, insolvency, great wealth -- just kidding on the last two.

  5. The directions were not translated correctly by the Chinese. It should have read Do not stick foot in mouth.

  6. Elizabeth- I know! And the drugs that prevent asthma can...cause death by asthma. Hell's bells.

    Syd- You may be right.

  7. I am not the least bit confused when I say I love every bit of this post.

    As for the directions.....fuck 'em......at least they don't tell you to put tab A through Tab C when there is no tab C.

  8. Lo- You're right. If you just leave off #5 entirely, it all makes perfect sense.

  9. You're having Texas Hill Country weather! I was pretty sure your home is near heaven, now I know it.

    And I have that same outdoor thermometer. Just wish I had chickens too.

    Stay warm, Mary.

  10. The chickens are looking damn fine again! And those dogs...well I can somewhat sympathize. Mine are good when the weather is nice but I can't blame them for not wanting to go out at 15 degrees.

    Just rip off #5. Problem solved.

  11. We have snow here and it will be -9 in the day here tomorrow the say but then next week back above zero. It confuses me too. I would sacrifice a small rodent for a temp like that in the picture.

  12. Kathleen Scott- Chickens can belong to you, too!

    Mel's Way- You are a saint. I am not.

    Mwa- How do you do it?

  13. The cold has finally made its way down here to St. Pete. I wish the weather would make up its mind, but now that I've read your post I'm inclined to be less judgemental... I'm drinking hot tea and looking forward to reading chapters 2 and 3 of "Ms. Moon in Winter." Seriously, your posts read like short book excerpts sometimes, and I think that's the way I feel about reading them. (The chickens look gorgeous.)

  14. @Ms. Moon - I stay indoors a lot. Have date night at home instead. Unless it lasts longer than a week, of course. Then I need to just get on with it. Fingers crossed we'll have a thaw next week.


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