Sunday, November 14, 2010

My Blind Eye To The Sun

It's Sunday. He is home and all is well, the light is pouring like honey over the yard and house and this entire world we live in.
And yet- oh. God. I am struggling so.

You know, many people just quit posting at all when depression overcomes them. I suppose I should too.

I ain't fit to be with.

Do you know how guilty it makes me feel to have everything, every thing in the entire world and to feel this way and not be able to appreciate these blessings?

I hope you don't. I think many of you do.

Time to walk. Time to get out and put one foot in front of the other, quite literally, and then come home and continue to do so.


  1. Don't stop writing when you are in that black hole. It seems like writing is one of the things that can pull you out of it, as well as hearing from comment cheering section! I hope the darkness passes as soon as it can.

  2. I hope you will let that guilt go. No one asks for that dark feeling. It's not a choice to be made; no more than the flu or any other type of dis-ease.

    The walking is a great thing. Love all over you today.


  3. Oh, dear Ms. Moon!

    I hope you never stop posting, even when you're in the slough of despond. You inspire me every single day. In fact, I am going to send you an email about it right now.


  4. dear ms. moon,
    i have a taxi waiting, and mother mary herself is the driver...
    walk. simply walk. one foot, then the next.
    you are in our hearts completely.

  5. Agree with Lora. Don't stop writing. It is one of the reasons we write, to make sense of things, to get the soup of emotion sorted somehow. Oh hon, so many of us know what you are feeling. It is hard. Just put one foot in front of the other as you say, and take it one breath, one second, at a time.

    Look, we just got through another second. It will get better. Sending love.

  6. I hope that this will pass soon. Take care of yourself.

  7. Be kind to yourself Mary. You have been ill all the while that your love was gone. Your dear friend Kathleen has been fighting the "c" and you have much emotional flow going....keep writing, no matter what. Your words will help you. We all are here. Down or up...we are here.

  8. I doubled the Mr and my own dose of fish oil last month. It really helps with the Winter shits.
    Don't stop posting, please.
    I'm sending out a little prayer for you right now.

    Love, Maggie

    ps veri word is: unity

  9. I'm sorry, Mary. Feeling guilty surely won't help you or anyone else a damn. I hope it passes fast.

  10. Mary, dear........since you don't have a Rubber Room walking should help.

    And my impertinent advice is to try to
    figure out what is making you so angry deep down that the black glooms have of my first insights was that depression is actual anger turned inward. Forgive me if this offends you.

    God bless.

  11. yeah.
    please don't stop writing, that's one of the things i love about you, your willingness to just show up no matter. you teach me so much just by being you, by struggling through, by sharing. i'm learning how to BE.
    don't forget, it's Sunday, and you've had a really rough week, lots stirring under the surface.
    Glad the mister is home.
    let him take care of you a little.
    i am going to walk too.
    thinking of you.

  12. Lora's right and I'm so glad to be in your cheering section. I cheer when you're happy, sad, or whatever. I (WE) love you and your writing!

  13. I have so little control of my good moods. Sometimes I just wake up feeling great. So why would I think I have control over the bad moods. The important thing is not to resist the ride. Here I am feeling up and here I am feeling down.

    Hoping your tide will turn so, and as always thanks for sharing the cycle.

  14. Mrs. Moon, you need to keep on posting even if it's just to post a photo of Owen or to post a photo of your eggs or chickens or to just say "Here I am". So we can all keep giving you big warm hugs.

  15. my darling...the taxi is for us, you, me with the wild virgin mother leading us into the light.
    holding you close, then closer still.

  16. Ms. Moon, I am with you. Right in the middle of it with you.

    Don't quit posting.

    The light continues to pour like honey; know that, even if you don't believe it, and keep yourself alive with the knowing xoxo

  17. Tell me about it. At the weekend, I was "difficult to live with" - spent one whole day in bed, just because I could because Babes was home. And I have a three month old baby, for fuck's sake. What do I have to be depressed about? I just thank every lucky star that I'm functioning enough to feed and love the children when Babes is not at home. And as soon as I get some sleep... well, you know how that goes.

  18. Sometimes one foot in front of the other, momement-to-moment, is all we can do. I just try and get through the damn day when I am depressed, which is a lot.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.