Thursday, May 25, 2017

It's Okay For You To Laugh. Might As Well


Miss Camellia who comes to visit me on the porch every day. 

Either it's time for me to start doing the heroin retirement plan* or else the fact that my antidepressant prescription ran out and I didn't get it refilled for two days really kicked my ass. 

Or both. 

It wasn't a bad day at all. Gibson's graduation went fine although there must have been ten thousand pre-K'ers graduating and they read every name and every child walked across the stage and got two fist bumps and a diploma AND they showed every child's baby picture and graduation picture on a screen while they played songs guaranteed to make you weep like a child whose dog just died including Somewhere Over The Rainbow as done by IZ Kamakawiwo'ole and if you don't cry when you hear that song just go ahead and leave the planet because you are not of this world.
There were also songs and a few short presentations by the children and all of this took quite some time but at least we had two graduates to clap for as Darling Lenore graduated too. 

Owen was in a tearful and bad mood and wouldn't tell us why and actually crawled under the pew to ponder his sorrows in darkness and peace (the event was being held in a church) and I got down on my knees to talk to him and asked him if he'd murdered someone and he said, "How could I murder someone at SCHOOL?" and I could think of a few ways but I did not share them. Maggie was pretty good and flirted with a lot of people and went from Mer to Bop to Mommy to Daddy and took off her shoes and tried to put them back on and clapped with everyone else when it was appropriate but she cried when she banged her head on the wooden part of the pew, piteously and with great volume. By that time there were about ten young'uns' being held by parents in the back of the church and Lily and Maggie and then Jason and Maggie joined them. 
Finally, though, it was all over and here are our two graduates.


In the church and


outside with the family, and


Boppy with Gibson. 

So all of that was good and joyful but before the graduation I went to pick up my Macbook and the guy wanted me to look and make sure that all of my pictures were there and the woman who'd worked on it was hearing impaired and he had to translate and I looked at my iPhotos and there were indeed pictures and thousands of them and so I said, "Fine. Thank-you," and gave the woman a thumbs up and we flashed smiles and I was rushing because I wanted to get to Costco before the graduation and when I got home I realized that the only photos were the fucking photos from the Photo Booth and who cares about those? 
God dammit. 
Now I have to go back AND admit that I was in error. 
Thus- feeling like a fool. 
But add this to it- I went to Publix with the intention of getting my prescriptions and when I got there there were at least five people in line waiting to pick up their own meds so I decided to do my grocery shopping and then pick mine up and you know what happened. Of course you do. I completely forgot. 

Mr. Moon picked them up for me on his way home so all is not completely lost but I believe I am. Lost, that is. 

All right. Enough whinging.  

I guess.

Did I tell you what Mr. Moon got on the trail camera he set up by the chicken coop? A coyote! A nice, big healthy coyote with a big bushy tail. Also a possum. The possum I was expecting, the coyote, not really. The lesson here is to close up the hen house before it gets dark. And we have been and will do. At least it wasn't a bear which would not be completely surprising. I hear a bear can tear up a hen house in less time that it takes me to peel an onion and if I went out to shut up the chickens and found a bear, I'd never get over it. 
Not in this lifetime. Especially if he'd already massacred all of my birds. 

Well, no massacre tonight so far and the sun is setting and shining all golden on everything and I got to talk to Jessie and August today which was wonderful. When I said hello to August he said the same thing to me that Maggie always says when I talk to her which is, "Boppa?"
Jeez those babies love their grandfather. 
Jessie reports that all is well and here's a picture she sent me the other day of August having his afternoon tea and crackers on the floor. 


Time for me to start making plans to visit Asheville. 

Also time for me to start making supper. 

Love from Lloyd...Ms. Moon


*Back many years ago Mr. Moon and I made a semi-serious vow to begin the use of heroin when we reached the point where we were probably about to need to move into a nursing home. We would ride the white horse until the money ran out and then OD and although we'd use up all the kids' inheritance, we'd save them the trouble of having to deal with adult diapers, etc. 
We have been told this is probably not a wise retirement plan but we still haven't quite discarded the idea. I can't imagine where we would find the dope but where there's a will there's a way. 
Stay tuned for developments as the years proceed. 

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

 

It's unbelievable here today. Actually cool and completely blue-skied and all is well and I just called the computer repair place and my MacBook is ready to pick up and why hadn't they called ME? Or texted or something. Jesus. I tried 45 times last night to post a bunch of pictures from yesterday from the app I use on the phone and that never worked and I'm just cranky as hell today and it's all first world problems but when you think about it, so is Donald Trump and that's a pretty serious problem. 
Well, my technology issues and my blog are not serious problems and I am quite aware of that. 

So anyway, here's a picture of May and Michael from yesterday's lunch at Japanica. 

 

And I guess that's all that really matters except wait. There's this-

 

Wherein Lily proclaimed Maggie to now be a member of Club Mud and how I can feel cranky is beyond me but I do. 

I'm going to go take a walk and later I'll be going to Gibson's Pre-K graduation and hopefully I'll cheer up. 

Love to all...Ms. Moon 

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

I Remember




It is May's birthday and the beautiful rain falls and the chickens run about without caring a bit that water is coming from the sky and I just picked a gallon of green beans, three cucumbers and a squash with my umbrella protecting me. 

It is as beautiful a day as I can imagine. Sky blessings as I remember May's birth- the simple miraculous wonder of it, how at dawn I held and beheld the life I had labored all night to bring forth to such perfect result. 

I will take her some green beans today along with her cake and other present. I will hold her again, this beautiful grown woman as her family celebrates her. 

This is life. This is how it can be. 
I am still amazed. I am still in wonder at all of it. 

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

The World At Large And In Small

Another day, another massacre, another lick of flaming evil in the world, taking down the innocent, the young, the blameless in the name of some god, some belief system which incorporates violence and hatred and calls it their god's will, yet another one-true-religion and fuck them all.
They're all used in one way or another to justify behavior that which, if it had no religious backing, would be seen as everything ranging from at least a little bit crazy to downright evil and insane.

Oh, I don't know. I've been sitting here this morning answering comments left on my post yesterday- all of them so sweet and so lovely and which have made me feel appreciated and cared for and I am so grateful for all of them. Overwhelmed, truly.
I sit here day after day and write what about what seems to be the same things over and over and that is my life, and of course the backdrop remains the same, and even some of the lines of the script, but sometimes new characters arrive, new scenery provides itself, the dialogue changes, the circumstances take on new meaning.

Sometimes.

Today is gray and rain threatens or promises, depending on your perspective, and I am full of dread because although I went to town yesterday determined to get a whole lot done, I got almost nothing done. I ran into two old friends completely by serendipitous accident and we sat and chatted for a good long time and it was wonderful but after that, I felt the need to flee home, and why?
I do not know.
I enjoyed that time so much, the catching up, the gossip, the giggles and sweetness, the recalling of memories. But then I just had to go home, as if the bank of social behavior had been overdrawn.
I hate that. It makes me feel ridiculous.
Sometimes I think this is something relatively new in my life. It seems to me that I used to do a lot more things with friends. No. I DID do a lot more things with friends.
But looking back I remember having anxiety about those things even then and wondering what was wrong with me.

Ah well, who cares? It is what it is and I am who I am and today I have to bite the damn bullet and get back to town and do the things I did not do yesterday and that's all there is to it.

And I will. I will muddle through it all and probably deserve an acting award when I am done, having successfully (one hopes) managed to do a reasonable impression of a normal old lady going about her normal old lady business in a smallish town in North Florida as she wondered constantly if she should take one of her precious stashed Ativan.

Ah lah.

Such problems I have.

And then comes the guilt for feeling this way when, as I have said on innumerable occasions- I am the luckiest woman alive.

Be well, y'all. And thank you so much for all of the beautiful words you left me yesterday and today. I will take all of you with me in my pocket and will be comforted as I carry you there and in my heart.

Love...Ms. Moon

Monday, May 22, 2017

Walking Pictures, Plus An Anniversary

I got out and took a good walk this morning. It's not quite as hot as it has been, although it's certainly hot enough for me to sweat like a Trojan. I believe my grandmother used to say that although I may be making that up.

It is a beautiful morning with dramatic sky, clear one moment and with picture clouds forming and shifting and changing overhead the next.

I saw at least six little bunnies running across or beside the road which is an unusual number for one of my walks. Here's one who I think was quite young and was as curious about me as I was about her. Or him. As the case may be.


I love to watch them run, their little tails bobbing up and down as they go. 

I found this tiny flower when I ducked back off the trail and into the woods to pee. 


I have looked it up and it is a mimosa microphylla, otherwise known as "little leaf sensitive briar" or "little leaf mimosa". It is a member of the pea family and if the leaves are touched, they fold up. Isn't it pretty?

Okay. This picture is of a mud puddle. 


A large mud puddle, I grant you, but isn't it beautiful? It is to me as it indicates we've had some good rain. 

And there you go. It's Monday and another week begins. Wednesday is May's birthday and Thursday is Gibson's graduation from Pre-K. It is the time of year for celebrations and cakes and baby bunnies and blooming wild flowers and heat and sweet showers and the perfume of magnolia blossoms in the air. 

And I just remembered! Today is the tenth anniversary of my blog. This post will mark the six thousandth, six hundred and thirty-second post I've published. 
No. I can't believe that either. 
If I may ask a favor- would you leave a comment if you care to, to help me celebrate? Maybe tell me how you found me, how long you've been here, where you're from, etc? 
I would appreciate that so much. 
Thank you. 

So Much Love...Ms. Moon


Sunday, May 21, 2017

Was This A Great Weekend Or What?


Well, it has been just about the perfect weekend for me. Yesterday I was fairly productive and got a lot of stuff done in the garden including planting, as I said, and it rained which bodes well for the little seeds in the dirt, and I made two great suppers and today I mostly rested. Seriously. The only thing I've done today is to make breakfast for Mr. Moon and Lily and me and to lay those two pieces of pattern out which will be part of a dress I'm making for Miss Magnolia June.
There was also a game of gin rummy (I lost- who cares?) and some watching of Miss Fisher's Murder Mystery, and some excellent marital snuggles.

The bug bites sucked but that's just life. If you live in North Florida, anyway.

So do you want to hear what I made for supper last night?


Okay, that doesn't look like much but in all actuality, it was the very best noodle soup I've ever made. And healthy? Put your hand on the Bible, babies, this soup would cure your ills. Broth and tofu and garden onions and carrots and snow peas and ginger and collards and millet and brown-rice noodles and a few dumplings. Mr. Moon kept saying, "This is the best supper ever!" 
Which is weird because it didn't have any venison in it. 
And to balance all the healthiness out, I made


brownies with pecans and extra frosting!!!!!

Oh yeah.

So tonight we're having leftovers of pizza and noodle soup and brownies.
I'm way too excited about that to be a normal person.

So why did Lily come over for breakfast without her children?
BECAUSE SHE HAD THE FIRST WEEKEND TO HERSELF WITHOUT KIDS SINCE OWEN WAS BORN!

Jason and his mother and brother and sister-in-law and Owen and Gibson and Maggie and darling Lenore all went down to Cocoa Beach for a ceremony honoring Jason's dad (among others) who was a police officer who was killed when Jason was a little boy. Of course they did a lot of other fun things like go swimming in the motel pool. Jason posted this picture on Facebook.


You can see just how much Maggie suffered, being away from her mother. 
That child. 
But Lily had some much needed rest and went out with Hank on Friday night for supper and drinks and came over here this morning to visit her old ma and pa and eat some eggs and biscuits and grits. I'm so glad she got the rest because good Lord, she needed it. And deserved it. 
And Jason gets the Dad of the Year award for offering her the weekend off and having such fun with their babies. 

I remember once when Mr. Moon took all of our kids to Nashville to visit his parents and gave me the weekend off. 
No. I will not report what all I did but trust me when I tell you it was wonderful and delicious and mostly legal. 

All right. To round things out, here's a picture that Jessie sent me. 


She and Vergil and August went to a family wedding in Lexington and on the way back to Asheville they stopped at a restaurant in Tennessee which is owned and operated by former Russian circus performers. 
In the middle of nowhere. 
They ate stroganoff and borsht and stuffed cabbage. 


And here's another picture of her handsome lads at a Huddle House which for those of you who do not know is like the rip off version of the Waffle House but which can serve a mighty fine breakfast. 

So it's been a good weekend and Lily just texted a picture of Maggie nursing and the words, "All is right with the world," and they are all home and they were all excited to see Mama. My chickens have made me laugh, my garden has made me feel wealthy and happy, and my husband has made me feel loved. 

I could not and would not ask for anything more. 

Love...Ms. Moon






Too Much Nature, Part Forty-Nine

Yesterday I must have been bitten by another yellow fly, this time on the hand. It is still swollen like a cartoon hand.

This morning I went to sit down in a chair on the porch, put my hand down on the chair and realized immediately that a wasp was already there. It stung me. Of course. Who can blame it?

Just went out to the garden and was looking at the chicken Mr. Moon was trying to chase out when it became abundantly clear to me that I was standing in a nest of red ants.

I might just go back to bed as I believe I may have already used up my daily quota of curse words.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

I Am So Grateful For All Of This


Old Mer is a happy woman tonight. I got a lot done in the garden. The onions and shallots had started letting their green tops flop over which is an indication that they're done growing so I pulled those and trimmed the tops and laid them on a sheet on the porch to dry and cure. It takes a few weeks to let the tops seal off and the skins to become papery. After that, they should store for a good long time. I did some weeding, pulled the rest of the collards, and planted some gourds and a little okra and some more zipper cream peas.
I am not sure when I think I am going to be able to shell all the peas I'm planting but I sure am looking forward to the ping of them as they hit the bowl after I've slid my thumb nail down the pods to release them.
And cooking them.
And eating them.
I picked another big bunch of green beans and Mr. Moon picked eight nice cucumbers, three of which we had let go a little too long. They are huge.

I will confess that I had to lay down for awhile with my fans blowing on me in the air conditioning between garden workings. And if sweating really does rid us of toxins, I am toxin-free.
Haha! As if.

Mr. Moon mowed and trimmed today and the yard looks great. Soon the phlox will be blooming and the whole yard will be a cloud of pinky lavender.

I've had a shower. There are clean sheets on the bed. I just watched Joe Cocker chase Miss Honey across the yard which indicates to me that these babies are reaching, uh...sexual maturity...which means that the hens should be laying soon. I've yet to hear crow one come out of either of the young roosters but I know that soon they'll be trying out their crackly young voices which always delights me and reminds me of the early years of high school.

Dear GOD I feel rich.

I remember telling a boyfriend a long, long time ago that I was a peasant. He laughed at me, but looking back on that, I think I had an absolutely true insight.
I am a peasant.
A peasant who sure is appreciative of air conditioning, running water, a good stove, and a device I can download books to listen to as I go about my peasant-y business.

All Love...Ms. Moon

Saturday morning and there are some of the chickens, Mick's head held high as befits his alpha rooster status. Hank asked me yesterday what I'm going to do if the new roosters fight and are mean.
I said, "I will teach them not to be mean," and then rolled my eyes because I have no idea how to do that. We shall just see what we see.

As we shall see what we see about how this day progresses. I want to get out into the garden but I am in a gap between hormone prescriptions and life may well become a living hot mess/hot flash hell. The temperature is not that bad- merely in the eighties I believe, but it rained last night (hurray!) and the humidity is horrendous. I will try, anyway.

Which is all we can do. A trip to the Wacissa may be in order later today.

Carry on, my wayward friends.

Love...Ms. Moon




Friday, May 19, 2017

Lagniappe

Yeah. I'm a vain woman who is proud of her cooking.
There's no pizza delivery in Lloyd.
So this is what happens.



Which has turned into these:



The alchemy of flour and yeast and salt and water and olive oil and vegetables and a little bit of ham steak (buy one, get one free at Publix this week!) and fire, and cheese which is magic performed with milk. 

When I was eighteen years old I got to go to Europe and one of the places we visited was a dairy farm in Switzerland. We saw the pretty cows and we went into the barn where the farmer showed us how he made the cheese and then pulled an accordion from the rafters of that very barn and strapped it on and played it and sang a song in which yodeling was involved. 

I've never thought about cheese the same way again. 

How grateful I am for those cows, that barn, that farmer, that accordion. 

Time to eat!

Love...Ms. Moon



Life In Lloyd, Part A Million


That's a pretty crappy picture of a fallen pine in the swampy area that I pass on my walk. It's almost an entire city block (if Lloyd had blocks) of woods and ferns and palms. I can only imagine the animals who live in there. Nothing too big of course because it's surrounded by pavement and there are houses on one side of it, but I imagine that a lot of possums and coons and rabbits live back in there. I've seen hawks in that area so they're probably nesting there along with who-knows-what other kinds of birds.

As I got on the entrance to the interstate today to come home from town, I saw another hawk sitting on the grass fairly close to the road. This is not normal hawk behavior and I wondered if he was injured but he looked perfectly fine, merely sitting there, looking at everything with his hawk-eyes.
I took the interstate instead of the back roads because I wanted to get home. I'd started out my time in town with these two, having lunch and that part was lovely.


But then I decided to go to Target because I wanted a new dish drainer. 
Jesus Christ. I don't even know why. Because mine was funky despite my efforts at cleaning it and I guess someone has to buy that shit made in China so it might as well be me. I had a small anxiety attack in the store and did not spend time leisurely looking at shit. I sped through, picking up a tank top, a black bathing suit bottom, a few personal hygiene items, and then bogged down completely trying to find the fucking dish drainers. 
I finally found someone to ask and of course they aren't in the kitchen section because that would be too obvious but on the aisle down from the light bulbs. Then I panicked because I can never remember whether I need the LARGE dish drainer or the SMALL dish drainer and by god, I was not going to leave that store without a dish drainer and so I got the small one, figuring that even if it was too small, it would at least fit in the sink. 
Guess what? 
I needed a small one so that worked out well. 

Then I had to go to Costco and I even had to get gas and then I had to go to Publix (where, by the way, they sell dish drainers) and by then I was desperate to get home. 

Thus, the interstate. 

I was so glad to take the exit into Lloyd. So glad. I passed the place where they tore down the truck stop and are building another one if the local gossip is true, and then that spot of swamp and woods in the picture above. Took a right at the light and I was home, baby. 
Phew. 
Safe. 

It's Friday night and so I'm sipping a martini and I have pizza dough rising. At Publix I almost just bought a frozen pizza but I couldn't do it. I am on the back porch and keeping half an eye on the activity by the chicken coop. The two young roosters I have named Little Richard and Joe Cocker (get it?) just had their evening bow-up and now Mr. Moon is setting up a trail cam. Why? Because last night we were negligent and didn't close the door to the hen house soon enough and some critter got in and took Hawk, that pretty little black hen I posted a picture of just a few days ago. I know that it was either a raccoon or a possum but Mr. Moon wants to know exactly what is stalking our chickens because- again, I don't know why. 
He's a man. 
We just need to close the damn door as soon as they go to roost. 
But it gives him a project and that is important. 

It's supposed to rain the next few days and I'm sure hoping it does. We're dry and I crave the smell of rain, the sound of thunder, the sight of cracking lightening. 

And that's the news from Lloyd today. I hope everyone is having a happy Friday. Or at least a decent one. 

Be well. 

Love...Ms. Moon




Thursday, May 18, 2017

A Day Of Firsts And Lasts

First attack of yellow flies. My ankles swelled up and itched so bad it was like torture. I walked through the house whimpering until the Benadryl took hold.
I HATE THOSE FUCKING BASTARDS!
I'd just been out picking green beans. Innocently minding my own green bean business when they attacked.
It was the worst yellow fly experience I've ever had and that's saying something. It's been hours and my ankles are still swollen and red. I'm not sure I'll ever go outside again.

Gibson's last T-Ball game of the season.


Also, darling Lenore's. 


The end of the season cupcakes were obviously frosted with an icing that had permanent ink in it. At least the black ones. Lenore wisely chose an orange one. She delicately licked off all of the icing and gave the cake part to her grandmother. Gibson went for the black one. 

And...


Not a first or a last but an eternal and precious sweet bond.

Love...Ms. Moon


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Family History

I have loved spending all day at home today. I didn't do one damn special thing unless you count ironing which I don't. It was just a good day although a hot one. I didn't spend a lot of time outside, just little trips here and there to check for eggs, to give fresh water to the chickens, to hang the clothes, to bring them in.

I did get a most interesting text from my Roseland landlord/friend. Do you remember this post that I wrote a few weeks ago? It was about the Roseland Community Center that they're trying to raise funds for, for restoration and repair. And my friend, Glenn is very involved in this effort and look what he found today.


I'm sure you can't read it but what it says is that in 1959 my grandparents donated the land to the county where the Community Center stands as well as the little park beside it. The building was already there, or at least part of it was, and that, too, was donated. 

Now the crazy thing about this is- I do not recall ever hearing a word about this. And if I did, I have forgotten it. Honestly, I don't think I did. But isn't that amazing? I knew that my emotional roots in Roseland grow deep and wide, nourished by that alluvial river muck but I did not realize that I had such a close tie in family history to that little Community Center which I have such fond memories of. Granddaddy did a lot of care-taking there, I remember that, working on the property and on the dock which served the whole community and where it seems like I spent half my childhood, fishing for catfish that no one could eat and simply sitting and watching the sky and the river move past me letting my imagination flow with it from the Atlantic ocean to the deep jungle of the Sebastian River where spring heads feed it. I swear, that dock is part of why I'm still here today. The dock and the river it sat on. 
And Granny went to meetings there, in the Community Center building and to parties, too, but I swear to you, I had no idea that she and my grandfather had donated all of that. 

I am slain by this knowledge. Just slain. What good, quiet people my grandparents were! They lived in what can only be called a cabin with a complete lack of luxury and Granny wore one of her three dresses every day that I can remember and Granddaddy whacked at palm fronds on tall ladders and planted fruit trees and cut grass and turned compost and split wood and built us a little house of cement and Terrazzo when my mother left my father. He and Granny stepped in to take care of my brother and me when my mother went to Gainesville several summers in a row to get her Master's Degree. And that was not something they had envisioned their retirement to include. 
Trust me. 
I am so grateful to have learned this. 

You just never know, do you? And if not for Glenn I would have gone to my grave not knowing. 

Well. I've had a lot to ponder and today has been a good day to do that. 

And I've just remembered that on my father's side of the family, my great uncle left a large piece of property in downtown Chattanooga for a park and it is there with a brass plaque today. 



He also funded and started The Miller Center which you can read about here. 
Ironically, I listened to a few minutes of an NPR broadcast today in which one of the panel members came from the Miller Center. 

I knew these things, they are family history. I am proud of them. But I did not know about Granny and Granddaddy's contribution to the little community where they chose to live for their retirement. There is no mention of them at all on the property or in the building as far as I know. This is the plaque on the property now. 



Uncle Burkett drove a new Cadillac every year and owned a yacht moored in Palm Beach that he and Aunt Bill wintered in and had a beautiful home on Lookout Mountain, and Granny and Grandaddy drove a 1960 Rambler for years and years and had a little boat that they kept in the boathouse that I think my grandfather built. 

I have a lot of different influences in me, don't I? And I'll tell you this- if given a choice, I would so much prefer to have been left a lot on the Sebastian River and a little old cabin than a yacht that required staff to run and maintain. 
Don't have either, and that's okay too. 

I have all that I want and more. And I know even more strongly than ever that my mother's parents were good people. 

Love...Ms. Moon




Blessing Hearts From Lloyd Today


Dearie and Hawk on the perch in the coop.
Aren't they adorable little baby dinosaurs?





Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Well, That's Done

I'm in a fairly good mood, riding the waves of endorphins which were released when I left a doctor's office today. My doctor doesn't do the bio-identical hormones and doesn't feel comfortable prescribing them because he doesn't know enough about them so he sent me to another doc who does prescribe them and I had to go see him today.
I took my Ativan and made my way to the office and paid up front because that's what you do and looked at the pregnant ladies (this doctor is an Ob/Gyn) and read the book I'm reading right now (Connie May Fowler's, A Million Fragile Bones) until they called me and then I went through the little speech about having extreme doctor anxiety and white-coat hypertension and etc. and even with the Ativan my BP was pretty high but the doctor said, "Well, it could be worse," and then I felt a little better about it.
I had really thought I was just going to talk to him but he asked when my last Pap was and I said, "Oh, three years? I don't know," and he said, "Well, you want to do one today?" I figured Why not? because I was already disassociating so nicely that I might as well have been in a space capsule on my way to Mars or in a bistro in Paris waiting for my croissant and espresso or, in a coma for that matter.
That was all relatively painless and I have to say I liked the guy. He told me that he himself had just had his first physical in sixteen years and yeah, he knows that's not the way to be but...well.
He also told me that his wife goes to my primary physician and we agreed that he's great and I do feel lucky to have him as my own doctor.
So this guy is going to prescribe my hormones and that's good but when I went out to wait for my paperwork, I noticed a lot of Trump stuff. Yeah. In the area where they do blood pressures and weigh you and chart.
"So you're a Trump supporter?" I asked, and he went off on a mild rant about health care and how awful the ACA has been and how we're headed to one-payer and we can't let that happen because it's awful, just ask anyone in any country who has it. 
I tried real hard not to raise a ruckus. I mean- what good would it do? I'm not going to change his mind and he's not going to change mine and I need those hormones.
Does this make me an asshole? A cowardly asshole?
I did tell him that I have kids who have health care now for the first time because of Obama Care but he insisted that it probably wasn't very good health care and that anyone in this country can get health care by going to the ER. I said that that wasn't really the best way to get it and he agreed but we both sort of let it drop after that.
What do you do? It takes everything in my body and mind to get me to call and make an appointment and then an act of Congress and a dispensation from the Holy Father before I can actually walk into a doctor's office and I had done both of those things and the appointment was over and so fuck it.
I am not ignorant of the fact that it's a sad day when a doctor who has chosen to take care of women and deliver their babies voted for the pussy-grabber but for some reason I'm feeling rather sanguine about it. If there's one thing that Trump's election has shown me it's that even seemingly intelligent people can have completely different beliefs than mine and that's just the way it is. I can choose to spend my whole life making every choice I need to make based on those beliefs or I can speak my piece in a rational way and get on with my life.
I'm not hiring him to be my friend. I just don't want to have a life of one constant hot flash after another, and urinary continence is definitely something to cherish.

So that was my going-to-the-doctor story and I went to Publix and then I came home and had to take a nap due to not only the Ativan but also the adrenalin drain. I still feel a little hazy and weird.
I picked another ten thousand green beans and pulled up two more collards and now I'm going to make supper.

Jessie sent me a picture of August today.


Her text read, "August loves to take the little animals and dolls off of Dana's altar and kiss them over and over again."
She and Vergil are staying in Asheville with their friends, Matthew and Dana and Dana is pregnant too. Who knew August was so spiritual but I remember when Owen used to love to go out and see the Buddha which he called "Buddhy" every day when he was here and kiss its bald head. And remember when he used to put the turtle door stop on my own altar and cover it with my woods-found turtle shell?

My little babies. My precious little sweetlings. Who KNOWS what goes on their heads? I surely don't. All I know is that I love to observe what they do and get whatever kisses I can get from them.

Life goes on and I don't pretend to understand one bit of it.
Or, to be succinct, I don't know shit.

Love...Ms. Moon





Monday, May 15, 2017

From Sushi To Murder To Literary Works To The Giant Armadillo. Plus. Other Stuff.

This morning Lily asked me if I wanted to go with her to get a pedicure because she had a small window of opportunity with Jason home for the morning and of course I said, "Yes," because Lily never gets treats like that and she should have someone to go with her and besides, it's lovely to get a pedicure, especially with your daughter sitting beside you.
And so we did but we got a call that Owen had had a very short, very small seizure at school. Jason went and got him and reported that he was fine. It's been a long time since Owen's had a seizure and it does appear that the medication is helping tremendously. But he'd fallen and his best friend Chase got the teacher and there was no vomiting and like I said- it was extremely short. I cried a little bit but Lily said, "It's all right. He's fine," and I snuffed it up because I knew she was right.
I cry too damn much.

After our pedicures we went back to Lily's and got Magnolia and Owen and then we picked up Gibson and met May and Michael at Japanica! for our lunch. We hadn't gone there in forever because we don't like to go without Owen since it's his favorite restaurant and it just doesn't seem fair.
Here's what Gibson looked like, hugging his sister.


And here's what Owen and Magnolia looked like on the comfy couch.



That little girl has no idea in this world that every little sister isn't loved and cuddled and carried and tickled and kissed and held almost every moment of every day. 
And yes, she is chewing on her shoe. 

So we ate our sushi and miso soup and salads with ginger dressing and green curry tofu and all of the deliciousness. We missed Hank but he'd had a jury duty summons and couldn't join us. It turned out that the trial was for a murder case and they kept him for a long time although they didn't even ask one question of him. He's so glad he doesn't have to serve because it was a horrible and grisly murder. 
For some reason, it's never truly occurred to me how deeply jury duty could affect someone. I mean- sure, of course, but not really. To have to see all of the pictures, to have to listen to all of the testimony, to have to watch the families of the victim and of the suspect. Their tears, their reactions, their so separate and yet now eternally-bound grief...
Well. 
I'm glad Hank didn't have to go through that as well. 

May and I talked about books and she and Michael gave me a gorgeous Talavera sun and moon wall decoration. 


Look at those pretty faces! I'm not sure where I'm going to hang it yet but I may hang it right here beside me on the porch where I sit to write. Where I watch the birds and observe my chickens and I can see the squirrels skittering up the trees and running across branches in games of tag and of love. What a sweet present! May knows her mama so well. 

We went to Big Lots and the boys were wild. Owen is often on Full Tilt after a seizure and today was no exception. They were like puppies tumbling and jumping and running and nipping and after we left the store, we walked down to the Goodwill Bookstore and there was more of the same. I had promised to get Owen a journal and so I did, along with their books, and on the way back to Lily's house, Owen borrowed a pen to begin to write in his journal. 
"How do you spell brother?" he asked. 
Lily told him. 
"How do you spell hate?" he asked next. 
Lily and I cracked up. 
By the time we'd gotten to their house, he had written three separate stories, one about his brother, one about his mother, and one about me. Here is the one he wrote about me. He gave it to me to keep. 


I will translate:

"My Mer by Owen. One morning when I woke up outside I saw my grandmother. She came inside. I love you."

Well, that's just about my favorite story ever written in this world. And I will keep it forever. 

So that was my day and I also pulled the pea vines and a few more collards and cleaned out the hen house and did some laundry and have bread just about ready to go in the oven. I'm going to make a crab and corn chowder and a salad. Every time I pick any of the very, very last lettuces and arugula, I get a little sad. I don't know how in hell I'm going to survive without the beautiful salads I've been making since last fall. Just the smell of arugula still makes me swoon. Familiarity has not bred contempt in the least. 

One more thing- I had given up having hope that my Roseland mango had survived the winter and have been kicking myself for months for not bringing it in despite the mild winter we had. I covered it, but every leaf died and I cut it back and continued to water it but it was showing absolutely no signs of life until today. 
And look- 


That may look like nothing more than a sad, raggedy mess to you but to me, it looks like rewarded hope and memory made visible. That mango was grown from a fruit I took from underneath a tree that I ate the mangoes from when I was a child. That was so long ago that I and my other fellow feral child friends from the community had to rassle with the giant sloths, saber tooted tigers and armadillos the size of Volkswagens for the tart, sweet, turpentine-y fruit of that tree. 

I swear to god. 

Love...Ms. Moon

Sunday, May 14, 2017

I'm Home And Glad To Be


Well, as always happens, the day we leave the beach is the prettiest day we've seen and that held true this morning. Lovely, bright, coolish, far less wind.
Oh well.
I was ready to come home and we were greeted when we got in by the chickens who probably didn't care one bit that we were gone because our neighbor fed them and shut them in at night and let them out in the morning and I don't think they're attached to which human does that.
But I missed them, the little uncaring beasts.


Here's Dearie. She is getting so big. She is almost full-sized now and I hope she starts laying soon. 

Jack the Cat came running in to see us. I think he was glad we were home. And eventually, Maurice came in too and meowed her displeasure at the fact that we'd left her here alone with nothing but about fourteen bowls of cat food and water and another human to make sure she was okay. Also, her face is a mess again and obviously, she and Jack have been tearing it up. Why can't these two reach a place of peace together? I think it's because Maurice is sort of like the Old Testament God.
"I am Maurice, your cat, and I am a jealous cat and thou shall have no other cats before me, after me, or anywhere near me."
Etc.

Oh well. She ate all the treats I gave her so eventually she might forgive me.

We unpacked the car and then unpacked the stuff we'd unpacked from the car and I started washing some clothes and then went outside to do a look around the garden and hen house where I gathered some eggs, and watered the porch plants, and then went back out to the garden to do a little weeding, a little planting of zipper peas, and some pea and bean picking. Mr. Moon helped with the beans and he also found some nice cucumbers. 


I have a feeling this may be the year I make pickled green beans. And maybe I can even make some cucumber pickles! Dill and also, if I'm lucky and have enough, Mr. Moon's mama's fourteen day pickles which are the sweetest pickles in the world and crisp and a sin and you need an antique crock which of course I do have and my teeth sort of hurt just thinking about how sweet they are but it's impossible to make his mother's Christmas chicken salad in any authentic manner without them. 
You can make a real good chicken salad without them but it's not authentic. 

So. We are home and Jessie and Vergil and August have made it safely to Asheville and I am happy about that. 

It's been a good Mother's Day and when May called and asked if I was really all right with all of us not getting together I said, "Yes!" before she could finish her question. I hope that maybe tomorrow we can all meet up for lunch somewhere and just enjoy ourselves without the madness, without the sense of obligation. Nothing in the world could substitute for the pure awesome sweetness of my kids, the way they respect and enjoy and treat each other and me, too, and the way Lily and Jessie mother their own children and how May and Hank are nurturers of the first degree and nurture their old mama and the other people they love in their lives. 
I mean- that's what it's all about. All of us taking care of each other and loving each other and making each other laugh and holding each other when we cry. 
Yeah. 
We got that. 
No mimosas needed. 

Mr. Moon somehow, behind my back, bought me a beautiful card at River Lily yesterday and had me pick out a new pair of earrings (which didn't take a whole lot of encouragement) and he also bought me a new Yeti cup which is the perfect size for perfect vodka tonics and I simply could not ask for more and for me, there simply is no better. 

I'm grateful for the kids who made me a mama, I am humbled by their love. I'm grateful for the man who has allowed me to be the best mother I could be by being supportive and helpful and always loving in all ways. Both to me and to my babies. And I am also grateful for my sister/mother friends who have nurtured and loved and not given up on me for all of these years. 
And of course, I am grateful to my own mother who birthed me and who did the very best she could in some very bad circumstances and who loved my babies fiercely. I will always wish with all of my heart that we could have had a better relationship but we didn't and that is the reality and I am just sorry for both of us.

Meanwhile, I'm going to cook some green beans and potatoes (again!) and Mr. Moon is going to grill me a steak because I've eaten enough seafood in the last few days to satisfy all of my seafood needs. 

Happy Mother's Day to you whether you mother humans or animals or gardens or rivers or oceans. And please believe me when I say that you didn't have to be born with ovaries to be a lovely mother.
And also please believe me when I say that being born with ovaries doesn't guarantee mothering abilities. 

Let's just take care of each other, okay? 

Love...Ms. Moon

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Lagniappe


Mr. Moon and I played a little late afternoon cards and then we took a walk on the beach. Just a little walk. For me, once I get started walking on the beach, if the sand is nice and packed and the temperature is good, I get into a Zen-like thing and feel as if I could walk for days. And of course, it's so hard to judge distance on the beach. A lighthouse that looks like it's just a few hundred yards down the beach could actually be two miles away and you have to take all of that into consideration.
It's a kind of magic which I am sure science can explain but I just accept that I'm going to walk farther than I thought I would and I'll probably have sand blisters on my toes when I get back.

But. That's one of the things I love about the beach. The organic meditation of one foot in front of the other on the long sand road bordered by water which is as alive as anything on this earth.
Also- little sand pipers, scurrying in front of you as you walk, seagulls and pelicans above you, guarding, gliding, falling into great dives to catch fish in that living water.

As hard as I try, I can't get a good picture of the pelicans. I see them coming in long formations, I grab my phone and click the camera app and aim and shoot and I get stuff like this.


Suck. They are the living pterodactyls, they are magnificent, and I love them.

More water.


I am going to go heat up some crab cakes leftover from last night and make more cocktail sauce for the fat, sweet shrimp I boiled two nights ago. We had lunch today at the restaurant where the one and only server, a woman older than I am I believe whose name is Barbara, says things like, "I know they want their soup. I don't give a shit."
But then turns around and calls everyone "baby" and "sugar" and gets the soup to the table as if she did care. I honestly can't figure out which attitude is true and which is not. 
I do know that the owner who was shucking oysters said, "I wouldn't give two dollars for a dozen of these oysters."
Hey. The month doesn't have an R in it. It may be legal to harvest and serve them, but it don't make it right. 
When we left, Barbara said, "Happy Mother's Day. I hope you have a good one."
"You too," I told her. 
"Oh. I will. I plan to just lay on the couch and relax."
Trust me. She deserves it. 

Love...Ms. Moon

How Not To Relax

The crazy has been strong within me today and I have various theories about why and of course, who really knows but I think I may have actually had a sort of panic attack after breakfast, feeling as if small currents of electricity were sparking off inside me and my stomach is definitely off and for a moment or two at El Jalisco I felt as if I might pass out or something but I didn't.
I took an Ativan and came back and laid down on the bed in our beach room and looked at the Oleander blowing outside the window and breathed as best I could and then I slept for a few moments.
Ugh.
We went into Apalachicola this afternoon and walked around a few shops and peeked into a house for sale and went down to our property where I saw a raccoon trundling back into the heavy growth by the water and I followed him up to a point and then squatted and peed. That had nothing to do with the raccoon. I just had to pee.

Now we're back at the Simmons again and I still feel far from peaceful although the ocean has calmed down from what it was this morning which was a raging churn of waves and froth. It's still not a body of water I want to get in right now. A few weeks ago a guy died right off this island, saving his nephew in a riptide. No one else is swimming either but maybe we'll take a walk in a few minutes. I just feel completely uneasy and yes, anxious, and unlike yesterday it does suck.

Well, that's enough of that. We all know I'll live.

Love...Ms. Moon

Friday, May 12, 2017

Things I Have Seen Today


This is what the sky looked like this morning about 9:00. I kept waking up, early, early thinking that I should definitely get up and go watch the sunrise. How every time I've ever gone to the beach with my friend Liz she always, every time, gets up in the darkness, makes the coffee and goes for a sunrise walk and how I never do.
I didn't do it again today, either.
Oh well.

Here are two lizards, making love.


They just laid together like that, very still, for a long time. Aren't they lovely and graceful? 


That's a ghost crab. We think he may have been drowsing on the beach but when Mr. Moon gently nudged him with a toe, the crab rose up on his tiptoes and held up those claws, exactly like a martial arts master. 
"Crab Kwan Do," said Mr. Moon. 
So fierce.

We did take a walk, the man and I. We walked down the beach for a few miles and looked at all the houses and talked to the fishing meemaws and papaws, also to the little children joyfully digging in the sand to China. When we got back to our house, we jumped in the cool waves and it was heaven. 

Here are some things to be found at the Simmons #2 apartment on St. George Island.


Shell clock art.


Food bowls for cats and dogs. It's a pet-friendly apartment. 


A shell wreath. Someone had a glue gun and too much time on their hands.


Crystal dolphin figurine with lace doily. 

These are some of the charming things to be found here. Things which just make you feel at home. 
If by "home" you mean the house of your great-aunt who died thirty years ago. 

There are also four remotes and we can't figure out how to use a damn one of them to get anything on the TV. 

Oh well. 

Here's what the ocean looks like right now from our deck.


Doesn't suck.

Love...Ms. Moon