I'm sitting here watching Away We Go once again. I've eaten my dinner and been going through my iPhoto's, deleting in order to make more room on my hard drive. I need to go buy an external hard drive and put my stuff on it. Make more room.
Lately I've been thinking that I wish the kids would just come and take stuff. Towels and table cloths and furniture and kitchen utensils and clothes and stuff. Just come and take it.
What do I need?
I'm just about at the place in the movie where the couple goes home to a house that looks so much like this one that it's eerie.
The sun sets on the Spanish Moss in the movie and the sun has set on the moss here at this place, where I am.
A few minutes ago, while I was heating up my supper my car alarm started going off. I have no idea why. I did nothing but fumble for the key in my purse and by the time I found it, the alarm had quit. I locked the car with the remote, grabbed a knife and opened the kitchen door to see nothing. Nothing at all. Just the dark and quiet.
I finished heating the food and ate it. Some of my doors don't even lock.
Well, if I am murdered tonight, it's my fault.
I am tired. I am going to go to bed.
The movie has ended. The man said to the woman, "This place is perfect for us, don't you think?"
And the woman said, "I hope so. I fucking hope so."
We all look for the perfect place, don't we?
But I'll tell you something- there is no perfect place. There are only places we feel at home. What happens after we find them is up to fate and luck and choices and nothing we can explain. The good and the bad, both. We may deserve both, neither, doesn't matter. What happens is what is going to happen.
But we might as well feel at home where we live. If we are very lucky, we do.
I am that lucky.