I am going to do the world a favor today and stay home. Hank and Lily and Owen and Taylor are going to the flea market and I have been invited but I am going to stay right here in Lloyd and keep my cold to myself. I don't feel too bad but I sound like shit and I know that after twenty minutes of walking around Club Flea (hey! they sell beer!) and looking at all the plastic and pathetic, the plants and the puppies, the produce and the people, I would probably be weeping.
Best to stay at home.
I have to admit I am a little in despair, worrying that I have given this cold to Kathleen and worrying that Mr. Moon might get it while he's in Tennessee, hoping to get that big buck.
He sent me an e-mail last night to tell me he loves me and I wrote him back and said that I loved him too and to "Get that Big Tennessee Buck because I already got mine."
Isn't it funny that my people are from Tennessee and somehow, I ended up in Tallahassee with a Tennessee boy? Life is funny that way.
Well, so, obviously I was not murdered in my sleep. In fact, Zeke and I slept quite well. We did our job with grace and joy, that Yorkie and me. He ain't good for shit, that dog, except for sleeping with and at that he excels. The colder it gets, the farther down the covers he goes until finally, he is right down there, cuddled into the crook of my knees and Oh! how I love that. And when I get up, I have to tell him to get up too and he snorgles his way out from under the sheets, the blanket, the duck and the duckling and sticks his head out and looks at me as if to say, "Really? Must I?"
"Yes, Zeke, you must," I say, and let him out.
And then I pee and wash my face and brush my teeth and go get my coffee and go outside to get the paper and let the chickens into the run and notice the cold and the way the light paints this tree and leaves that one in shadow and fill the dog bowls and the cat bowl and thus, my day has begun.
And what will I do on this beautiful cool day in North Florida? I don't really feel like working outside but then again, it might not be so bad to sit in the garden and pull betony when it warms up some, the chickens on the other side of the fence, wishing I would give them something good to eat, scratching around and keeping an eye on me in case I should suddenly find a cache of sweet, juicy grapes to give them.
But I don't know. The options are endless. I could play piano. I could get out my old Dollar Store Madonna night lights and paint one with fingernail polish and glue glitter and beads to it. I could start another quilt for Owen or Waylon. I owe Waylon a quilt. I could work on one of my in-progress novels or I could try to write a short story for Danielle.
I could make soup but I don't feel like it. Maybe later.
I could wash the dogs.
Fucking forget that.
Same with doing any sort of housecleaning.
And come to think of it, getting out into the garden would require that I put on my overalls and I am so cozy in my soft knit pants and my Goodwill cashmere sweater that I may just stay right here in the house. Hell, I might even get back in bed and read a book.
I called Kathleen just now to get the gossip about a party she went to last night and she plans on staying in today too. We are not cold-weather people, Kathleen and I. We are warm-weather people. She sounds good and happy, she sounds like Kathleen. She always makes me feel good to talk to. Isn't that something?
Well, this is enough blah-blah. The sun is very much out, the day is growing warmer, the heater is on here in the house and I'm very cozy. I'm drinking juice now and will probably move on to tea next. In a way, I am grateful to have this little cold. It will force me to take it easy, force me to let anything go I don't feel up to. Give me permission to stay in and be cozy. I have everything in the world I need and most of what I want. No one needs me for a thing. Not today.
It would break my heart if no one ever needed me again but that is not the case and so I can revel in this day of not being needed.
It's all a balance, work and play, effort and rest, light and dark.
Happy Saturday, y'all.