Yesterday's major decrease in anxiety was a temporary thing, I discovered this morning upon awakening. I am now in the hanging-on-by-my-fingernails, white-knuckling-it phase of it being two days before my doctor's appointment.
Not to be too crude but I am fucking quaking here although I am trying to act "normal" which I am pretty darn good at because I am obviously an Oscar-winning-level performer. See how jokey all this sounds?
I know I've said this before but despite me trying desperately for most of my life to get to the root of this doctor anxiety, I simply can't. I know I've had it forever. I can distinctly remember feeling what can only be called terror when I had to accompany my mother to the doctor's office for an appointment of hers. It may simply be a matter of shots. I do know that I got hysterical when I got my first flu shot and the second one too. It took my mother and a nurse and the doctor to hold me down. But I have no problem getting injections now. It may have started that way though. And when I was a kid, you got a damn penicillin shot every time you went to the doctor, no matter what your problem was. In the butt.
That could be a clue.
So. La-di-dah. It'll all be over Monday by noon, most likely, although another thing not helping with my anxiety is the fact that we very well may be getting hit by a category 4 hurricane next Thursday or Friday. Things are just not looking good for us. Or Cuba.
Aw, shit, y'all. I hate this. This waiting to see and then trying to prepare and the dread and the worry...
It's not my favorite part of living in Florida.
We are so lucky!
But if you've ever, EVER spent a night listening to winds over a hundred miles an hour blowing outside with rain pouring down in amounts you did not know possible and the sound of trees crashing all about you, you know that no matter how good you have it, it's still a terrifying experience.
Ooh boy. This is not helping my anxiety.
"Yes," I said. "I am going to root it."
The arugula will need thinning this week if I get around to it and I will be throwing those tiny sproutlings into a salad where they will spice it up, despite their tiny size. That is something good to look forward to.
I may pour myself a large glass of vodka too.