Thursday, November 11, 2010

Haiku My Heart, The Goodness Of Being Alone For Awhile

This week I have held
Just my grandson and myself
With these, my old hands

It has been a very different sort of week for me. I have been mostly alone, my husband out of town and me sick with a sort of cold/flu. I have learned a great deal this week, not the least of which is that my husband creates 90% of the laundry in this house.
And it has been good.
Sickness causes us to pause, to rest. Causes us to turn necessarily inwards. I think of all the commercials on television, advising us that if we take this medication, or that one, we can go out into the world and act as if we were not ill at all, and thus we spread our viruses, thus we ignore our most basic instincts, thus we treat our bodies as if they did not matter at all.
I have been alone and yet, mostly not lonely.
I have written more, read more, and thought more than I have done in a long time. I have had moments of profound melancholia. I have had moments of peace. I have drunk more tea than I have perhaps ever drunk in my lifetime up 'til now. I have slept well. I have had strange and wondrous dreams.
I have missed my husband. I have thought of him every moment. I have been so glad that he is where he grew up, in the rocky hills of Tennessee, happy in the woods, watching the morning there catch light, watching the deer come in and the wild turkeys flock. I have talked to his sister about the death of their dear aunt, I have said to her, "We need to go have some FUN! Let's go to Las Vegas!"

Well. It's been a week. It has seemed as if nothing was happening while at the same time, I have realized that even in rest, growth occurs. I have hosted an entire lifespan of a virus. I am, I have to say, grateful to it. It gave me the opportunity this week of being alone to rest. To hold myself, as it were, in my very own old hands.
I have realized that the world can turn without me. That I can use these hands to hold myself.
And yet, it is only the knowing that they will be used to help and hold others which has made this time so precious.
And if I had the words to thank all of you for being there for me this week, I WOULD be Raymond Chandler. I would be Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings. I would be a great writer. But I don't. And I'm not. But I tell you this- if I hadn't been able, this week by myself, to send my words out and then have proof that they were read- well. I don't know. And I do know this- your words here and on your own blogs are so real to me that I can almost feel your flesh. I can almost feel your faces in my hands. I can feel your hearts in my own heart. So I hold you too, in these old hands. They are wrinkled but they are soft and they are strong. Can you feel them? I hope so. I do.

For more Haiku, go visit rebecca.


  1. If you ever travel to Missouri....look me up...I want those soft hands to hug me. You're an amazing woman. Glad I found your blog.

  2. I've been thinking about you today as I went about my work. I am glad that you found some peace. And yes, go to Vegas! Have some fun!

  3. Rebecca- Okay. I will.

    Angie M- That would be a good thing, wouldn't it? Thank you for thinking of me. I have thought of you, too.

  4. Such beautiful hands they are. I am glad they held you well this week. I am holding you as well.

  5. oh ms. moon,
    my haiku is a way of holding you
    all the way from here....
    and your hands, your words?
    pure welcome embrace.

  6. I'm glad you were able to find comfort in yourself. I'm sending a big hug to you tonight.

  7. Sometimes just being is the most peaceful thing in the world. Sitting with myself and knowing that all is okay with me by myself. I used to be afraid of that. But now I know what it is to be content with just being and not doing.

  8. I am not a fan of haiku. But I always love yours. Quel supreeze. That's french.

    I think your hands make magic.

    Hope you all healthy soon.


  9. Angella- You are as close as this screen.

    rebecca- Little girl with chickens
    She makes me smile. So do you.

    Mel's Way- Got it.
    Do you feel mine back?

    Elizabeth- Yes.

    deb- Loving you, too.

    Syd- It's something, isn't it?

    Michelle- I feel pretty much all okay today. Thank-you, sweet Michelle.

  10. Hiya,

    That post is a re-reader if ever there was one.
    I agree: "Lonely but not alone" would be hell.

  11. The only word I have to offer in response is: beautiful.

    Beautiful haiku, beautiful thoughts, beautiful words.

  12. Oh yeah, forgot...which Rocky Hills of Tennessee is your husband traipsing through? I live in Knoxville.

  13. I CAN feel them. That is weird, woman. I am going to have old hands as well. In fact I already do. They are always dry and crackly in winter so they will look very wrinkled and old.

    I'm glad you've appreciated your sick time. You are right - it should be treasured instead of ignored.

  14. This is such a beautiful post and one I needed to read for many of my own reasons. Thank you for sharing these words and thoughts.
    Have a cozy and restful Friday !

  15. Perfect. Best picture ever. I just wish your alone time had not been filled with feeling awful. Unfair. But at least you know how strong you are. You took good care of yourself. Hope you're all better for Mr. Moon's return. Hugs.

  16. I wonder sometimes if viruses are a gift just because -- if we listen to their wisdom -- they say, "Slow down. Create a little nest and do only what your energy allows you to do. Drop the Superwoman act. Just be."

  17. You write so beautifully! It's why I keep coming back for more.

  18. Wonderful words, Mary. True and enlightened, like the beautiful face and hands in the picture.

  19. You made me cry. Your photo, that wonderful photo of you holding your face so tenderly in your own two hands - your haiku, and this:

    "I can almost feel your faces in my hands. I can feel your hearts in my own heart. So I hold you too, in these old hands. They are wrinkled but they are soft and they are strong. Can you feel them? I hope so. I do."

    The answer is yes. You made me feel loved with these words. And held. And I really needed that today.

  20. I feel them all the time when you visit and I am so grateful for it. I have said it many times but I am glad I get to spend some time each week at your blog reading your wonderful words. Take care.

  21. i know what you mean..when bloggers become human :) i love you mrs mary moon.


  22. ah, so sweet and real and warm,
    love that photo, and yes i feel them, strong and soft and kind.
    thank you.

  23. Quite a journey you've been taking in your stillness. And wonderful picture.

    wv: typenapl

  24. So glad for your healing and resting and mending.

    And I would totally meet you guys in Vegas. Totally.

  25. ah ms moon..:-)

    you are killing me...

    oh and dont say again you arent a good writer...i see that glowing in your words all the just have to get out of the are a writer...the same way that may is a wonderful two always make me marvel at your words...

  26. Morememes- Hiya, yourself! Thanks for the drop by, the nice comment. Come visit any time.

    controlling- Hello to you in Knoxville! Thank you so much. And Mr. Moon is near Nashville where he grew up.

    Mwa- We'll all have old hands if we're lucky, sweet mama.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- And I love you and yours.

    Kim- Thank-you so much. It was a GOOD Friday, although not so very restful.

    Mel- I didn't feel that awful. Really. That virus was a good thing.

    Meri- At least the "little" viruses. Exactly.

    Terena- Oh. That makes me feel so good. Thank-you.

    Kathleen Scott- I am so far from enlightened but thank-you.

    Leslie- I am so glad that I wrote what you needed to hear. I am so glad that you felt my hands.

    Mr. Shife- You are the sweetest man. Thanks.

    Maggie May- And I love you, Mrs. Maggie May. I do, I do.

    Bethany- I was hoping you could feel them. Yes.

    A- A typenapl! Excellent idea! Hey- e-mail me, please dear.

    Lisa- Now that would be awesome!

    Danielle- NO KILLING YOU! Thank-you, always.

  27. Interesting haiku and delightfully moody photo. Thanks for this post.

    All the best, Boonie

  28. To be able to hold
    A grandson with one's hands
    Happier God that!

  29. I can indeed feel them. I cherish what alone time I get... Unfortunately it is usually in a hotel room or in my car... Alone time is much better in your own space.

  30. the title, the photo and your story have an ahhh and an ohhhh that one cannot help but to express... your hands have a wonderful story to tell... thank you for sharing your alone time...


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