Friday, November 26, 2010

Black Friday

I don't mean to be rude but WHO THE FUCK GETS UP AT THREE A.M. TO SHOP AT KOHL'S?
Really? People do this? And at Best Buy and Toys Backwards R Us? And Macy's?
I can't even imagine.
First of all, if I get woken up at three a.m., someone better be having a baby. Otherwise- nothing good happens at three a.m. People get taken to jail, children get that whoopy cough and you have to go sit with them in the bathroom with the shower turned on high heat to make steam for hours and you're scared to death. Stuff like that. I do not want to be awake at three a.m. for anything. And the very idea of being in a crowd of people bumrushing Walmart's doors to go buy shit made in China at good prices at such an hour makes me positively cringe.
I think there are people who are not like me at all. No. I am sure of it. I mostly forget that, hanging here in Lloyd and reading the blogs of people mostly like me. Then I click onto Huffpost or something and see those pictures of people trampling each other at retail outlets and filling up carts with boxes of crap that they're going to save Big Money on and I'm just flabbergasted.
I watched part of the Macy's Day parade this year, stoned on Percocet and I said, "This parade is everything I hate about America."
It was too.
All right. I don't have a thing against Sponge Bob Square Pants and I do like high school marching bands. Beyond that- what crap! Did you see that Native American thing? The colors were dayglo, the Great Turtle Mother was made into a cartoon and well, if I were Native American, I would have just shot myself. Either that or laughed my ass off so hard that I died choking on my own spit.
I changed the channel to watch The Addams Family and I felt a great deal more in common with them than I did with the Macy's Day parade. I mean, those Addams had a GREAT LOVE for each other. And family.
I miss Raul Julia.
I love Angelica Houston.

I hate retail shopping.

I am so far away from that scene right now that I might as well be living in another country.
I spent a lot of today sleeping. My body must be taking this healing thing seriously because every time I lay down (which is mostly), it falls asleep.
Jessie left today after spending three days making herself darn useful and being a joy. She cleaned, she helped take care of Owen, she cooked, she danced, she made me laugh, she rubbed her mama's feet. She did homework.
I remember when I got pregnant with that girl. Boy, I was NOT amused. I had not planned that one. I had not seen it coming. For some reason. I was having sex so the fact that I got pregnant (again!) shouldn't have been such a surprise. If there was a world-cup for ovary function, I would have won it back in the olden days.
Anyway, Jessie was born and she was my hip monkey for about three years and by the time she was four she was telling me what to wear and doing my hair and I have no idea what I would have done if that girl hadn't decided to let me be her mama.
She woke me up this afternoon to tell me goodbye and I sure hated to see her go.
But she does have a life.
As do all of my kids. May's working a double today after working so hard yesterday that I don't see how she managed to walk out of here last night.
I don't know what Hank did today but I know that he, too, must have been tired and sore after Wednesday and Thursday. That boy. He brought his mama CD's he knew I'd love and he helped wrangle Owen too and he made me laugh and helped cook and clean up too.
And Lily- she worked until eleven on Wednesday, was up before me on Thursday, did the turkey on Thursday, cooked and cleaned and watched her boy and then got up and went to work today. As did Jason.
I hugged that boy yesterday so hard and said, "Do you know how much we love you?"
What a man. What a husband. What a daddy. What a son.

And here's my husband. He's here with me, watching the Auburn-Georgia game. I think. Whoa. Maybe it's Auburn-Alabama. I don't know. But he's worked so hard the last few days too. And he's been so sweet to me.

I guess all of this is why I don't need to get up and get dressed and go out to shop in the middle of the night after Thanksgiving. I have everything I need and if I have to pay a few more dollars for my kids' Christmas presents, it's well worth it. They're as funny as Wednesday Addams when she asked that Girl Scout if her cookies were made with real Girl Scouts. They're as devoted as Thing and Lurch. And my husband is almost as romantic as Gomez. He doesn't tango so much but he does dig up plants in the woods and bring them to me. He does buy me rum.

Shopping. Bah. Let those people go out there and buy all that crap that will be abandoned by New Years. I'll still have what I have now and I'll be as grateful for it then as I am now.

Now everyone please stay out of jail. No babies get the whoopy cough.
And I think I'll go lay back down.

This healing is hard damn work.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. What a perfectly balanced and funny post :)

  2. Better have a doctor look at that knee and don't be popping all those percocets. Knees are wonderfully complex body parts and percocet doesn't do squat to fix what ails them. I'm having something called a meniscus (my left one is torn) surgically repaired in a few weeks. After that, I hope to be on percocet myself.
    Oh, and I'm stealing your Black Friday pic and putting it on my Facebook page.

  3. I vowed I wouldn't stray more than 3 blocks from home today. Our town was nice and quiet. I'm pretty sure everyone was over at Best Buy and Walmart and Target and the mall. Eeek

    I say stay stoned on percocet.


  4. I took Anna around to lunch for her birthday, and now I'm about to put on my boots and go to a show. I love you!

  5. Malls make my brain itch.
    Today is Pajama and Leftovers Day.
    High five.

  6. of the infinite number of things i am thankful for, i am especially thankful that tony understands why i hate shopping and would never by choice get up before the bars close to go get a good deal. he will not make me put up a tree or decorate the house either. god, i love my husband!

    i hope the rest does your knee well.


  7. Jo- Really? You think?

    Lucy- Hell no. I don't have that sort of insurance. And I'm not taking the percocet now. I've had three ibuprofen today. And lots of rest and ice.

    Michelle- I made it out as far as the shed to feed the cats. Worked for me.

    DTG- I love you too!

    Mrs. A- We are blessed in our loves. Amen.

  8. They made no money on me today. We had an anniversary lunch and then headed to the boat. I would rather pay the extra money and have some sleep. I cannot imagine anything worse than shopping today.

  9. My girls went. With their cousins who were in town for thanksgiving. Left the house at 7 am with a list of stores they planned to hit in hand and saved allowance in pockets. They had such a ball, rode the subway from store to store, bought teeny tiny tank tops for 2 dollars, silver painted necklaces for a dollar, a cropped blazer for 5 dollars, a furry hat from a street vendor, little presents for their friends, then had lunch together in the city, feeling all grown. The four cousins were 20, 16, 15 and 13 and they bonded sweetly over their mission. So, I guess that's who goes out on Black Friday. Not me. I was in sleep clothes till noon. I was with cousins, too, the mamas, and they would not have been caught dead in the crowds either. I think we grow up. Slow days become sublime.

  10. You won't find me any where near a store on Black fact I went to stock up on necessities last weekend so I wouldn't have to go anywhere at all this weekend. Online shopping is the best thing ever...and paying shipping is worth my sanity.

  11. Syd- That sounds perfect!

    Angella- And that's what it's for- I'm sure those kids had a fabulous time! Yay for them!

    Mel's Way- With age comes wisdom. And acceptance of shipping charges.

  12. My mother went shopping at 6 AM to buy clothes for herself. I just don't get it. I'm with you in every sense of it...junk, junk, junk.

    I love how your family loves on you.

  13. Yes, for sure, exactly what jo said. I don't have any of that wonderful stuff you listed (well maybe I do in other ways) and I still would rather die than shop like that, insanity n sad and I hate the parade. You nailed it. Love your hardworking kids. They are helping me to buck up and get to work tomorrow. Lily astounds me.

  14. One of my friends told me tonight she witnessed 2 women at Walmart come to blows over a child's ladybug pillow. Really?!!

  15. I know!!! I can't abide the thought of being in the cold at that ungodly hour. Besides, I already have enough junk, I don't need more.

  16. The darkest hour is just before dawn. That's how I feel about that 3am kind of shopping thing.

  17. This is a great post. I so relate to the bit about the Macy's parade... and choking on one's own spit. Native or not.

    Love you and hope you're back to your own special normal real soon.


  18. The Adams family are great arent they? they're almost role models...and so not into shopping...misfits...interested in all the wrong things...a lot like I feel when I go beyond my immediate circle of friends and start chatting to a certain type of person..who wants to know how much i earn and how i can be happy with that. Or sales people calling to try to sell me a new mobile phone I dont want. i totally feel like Mrs ADams (if only i looked like her)

    I guess Macys is a store? why do they have their own parade??

  19. well, first of all I was up briefly at that hour to say goodnight to a daughter coming in from her night, quieting the dog I 'm sitting for a neighbour who got confused and assumed it was morning even though my dog is pretty used to it and growled a bit in her general direction.

    and there is an evil part of me that knows all that sordid demand and supply and crazy keeps us comfortable economically and I'm currently in a selfish enjoying it even though stage. which is sad and shameful, but ..

    I loathe shopping . Would skip Christmas entirely if I had to head out into that .
    And I went through a parade love stage when I was around 7 or so I think, coveting the white go go boots of the marching band girls. and the drums.

    make sure you don't overdue it, let that knee heal.

  20. I am soooo with you Ms. Moon! I had already gotten the grandkids' shopping done... a week or so ago. And I give all the adults handmade ornaments. I did go out late yesterday to get some art supplies with coupons only good for the day. Going out late is better, because you miss all the crazy crap. Heal well Ms. Moon and take the opportunity to sleep as much as you need...

  21. Yesterday we stayed inside and hid out from the Madly Shopping Crowds as well. I changed PJ's midday. We watched old movies and ate from the Plentiful Leftovers and were Thankful once again for having all we needed already. No need to go out and get more.

    Hope you have some arnica round the house for that knee. All that sleeping is good for the healing. x0 N2

  22. Nancy C- I am too rich to get up at six in the morning. My old clothes will do fine.

    Bethany- Lily astounds me too. Bless you, baby.

    Mel's Way- What the hell are we REALLY doing out there in those stores? I don't get it.

    Angie M- Exactly.

    Elizabeth- You nailed it.

    Ms. Fleur- Thank-you, sweetie.

    Screamish- Isn't Morticia beautiful? So...Macy's. Yes, it's a store. Why do they have a parade? Because this is AMERICA! (I have no idea.)

    deb- Parades ARE for children. But these days? Sheesh. I think we should all skip Christmas.

    Dianne- Oh. So you are one of THOSE! I suppose I will start shopping one of these days. When my knee heals. Yes. I will.

    N2- Sounds like our day. No. I don't have any arnica. I was thinking about that, too.

  23. I've shopped twice on Black Friday, years ago, and I'll never do it again. The insanity that overcomes people is SCARY.

    I would much rather stay in my cozy bed and pay a few bucks extra, too.

  24. Exactly. We only left the house on Friday to visit some friends. I was glad all the cars were in the parking lots and not on the road with me.

  25. I've just been reading this post to my husband and we're both laughing... and WHERE did you get that movie poster?

  26. notjustafemme- I don't think I buy enough at Christmas to make it anywhere near cost-worthy.

    Lora- Yes!

    Leslie- Google Images, my dear. Just google-image Black Friday. There it is.

  27. lol Ms. Moon... the only reason I had gotten most of it done was because my daughter found a sitter and wanted me to go with her a couple of weekends ago... Otherwise, I'd have nothing done! I hope your knee heals quickly for you... I know what it's like to be immobile...

  28. Amen! I hope you heal very quickly.

    I am doing my shopping half online and half in local shops this year. No driving around, no browsing in huge malls. Just little local, family-owned shops and big internet warehouses. Browsing is so much easier in my pajamas and on my own.

  29. I'm with you. I wouldn't go shopping on Black Friday for damn anything.

    A man that buyeth rum is a KEEPER, so sayeth SB.

    Love you. Sorry about your knee. So sorry. You and the Moms are a couple of cripps.

  30. Ms. Bastard-Beloved- Ha! Me and the Moms. Good company.


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