Monday, August 27, 2012

I'm A Mess

That is one big-ass storm, y'all. And it sure doesn't look like it's heading this way but as you can see, the bands of the wind and rain are affecting all of Florida and we're about to get some weather here. Not Category 2 Hurricane weather, but weather nonetheless.
I am so worried about New Orleans. They are really just starting to recover from Katrina which hit almost exactly seven years ago. Jesus. I guess we'll see if the Army Corps of Engineers has done its job.
Oh Jesus. If I prayed, I'd pray for New Orleans.

In other storm-related news (sort of) Gary-From-Canada is on a plane and headed to Tallahassee. The gator hunters will...What? What will they do? This may be premature but they're calling for a mandatory evacuation of Franklin County's beaches and low-lying areas, and Franklin County is where the gator hunt was supposed to take place. On rivers, you know. Which might, oh, you know, FLOOD. I can't imagine that gators are going to be floating down flooding rivers, ripe for the bang-stickin'.

I'm having a moment. I'm sorry. Let me gather myself.

Have you noticed that I don't do well with changes in my routine? Is that apparent yet? Man, if I was only one of those people who can let go and let god. But I am not. I have to go over every unpleasant contingency in my head and obsess about each one of them and get incredibly upset and always expect the worse although, quite frankly, life has been pretty darn kind to me ever since I grew up and got out of the house.
I wonder if early childhood experience forms the brain's outlook on life and that is just that. Makes sense to me. Of course, people can change. Meditation, yoga, medication, etc., etc.

Yeah. Whatever. Fuck me, I'm just a pessimist with anxiety and depression issues.

BUT, here's something that made me laugh until I literally cried yesterday. The August update of the Funniest Auto Corrects.

I have no idea why I find these so hilarious. But I do. I can't help it! And at this point, they may all be fake but I don't even care. In my mind, people are reading what they just innocently sent and going crazy and shaking their iPhones and turning red and trying to remedy the situation and mostly making it worse and just the very idea of it makes me laugh so hard. Click on the image to go to the site if your sense of humor is as juvenile as mine. And if it's not, just ignore it. Okay? And forgive me?


I'm sorry. I'm crazy today. Let's be kind and blame it on the barometer or something. Why the hell not? That and early childhood fuckedupedness which I think should be a professional mental-illness diagnosis and in my world, it is. Feel free to borrow it for yourself.


  1. oh my husband does the same thing. has to go through all the possible outcomes of any action and without fail focuses on the worst. but if I tell him he is a pessimist, a
    he gets insulted. doesn't think he is. he's just trying to 'be prepared' except that 99% of the shit his expects never happens.

  2. Have borrowed it many times, so much so that I probably own it now. Possession is 9/10ths....

    That was funny! Maybe you are in that thing that we depress/anxiety folks get sometimes when stuff starts getting ugly and scary and you just start giggling...and giggling and everything is funny..?
    Better than crying.

  3. I am a damn, damn mess today too.

  4. I was thinking about you last night and hoping you were safe, dry and warm. I had left you a comment on here but alas, it is gone. I must have not typed the right password. I am doing that a lot lately.

    Thank god for medication, yoga and meditation. And Reiki. And I have left things up to god and everything still falls to shit and I guess I am supposed to be OK with it.

    I had an auto-correct thing happen to me. I ordered some of those neck cooling ties. I said that I didn't care what colours, just anything feminine and it auto-corrected it to Fleming. I guess she thought I meant Fleming, Saskatchewan because she sent one with Canadian flags and another with lassos and cowboy hats! I hate both of them and the woman must have thought I was nuts. I am too embarrassed to write her back.

  5. I know this is futile, but I will tell you anyway. \

    Whatever happens, it will be ok.

    Also, the guy that was working on our bathroom... the one with the van. He has an 8 footer in his lake behind his house. I spoke to him the other day and he said if Glenn and his buddy have the proper permits they are welcome to come by and rid him of his gator which has eaten several of their beloved pets... so that's an option. It's close by and a hell of a lot safer than a damn swamp! And who knows, maybe they'll get a deer or a duck too! ha! Only kiddin bout that. The other part, is serious. Just let me know.

  6. We love all your crazy. And yes, that was funny!

  7. I always rationalize that kind of thinking as being prepared for the worst case scenario. While it hasn't changed my thinking a lot, I've know that whether I worry or I don't, things are going to happen as they will. I do hope Isaac stays away from you and does not wreak more destruction on its path. Mr Moon ought to think twice before doing gator hunting with the weather. There is being sensible. I feel off today, a quiet crazy too. S. Jo

  8. As one anxious person to another, I understand completely. I would be boozing it up and eating all the cake I could get my hands on.
    Keep reading DYAC. It makes me laugh like crazy. Better than Pilates for the mid-section.
    Holding New Orleans in my heart, too.

  9. I think it will be okay too. Besides there isn't much anyone can do about weather. Just preparing for what is to come is all that anyone can do. I'm still thinking of you and wishing you all will be safe.

  10. "Fuck me, I'm just a pessimist with anxiety and depression issues"
    Love it! Me too . . . And "ECF"
    Brilliant post x

  11. The weather satellite picture of that storm looks like one of your roosters on a rampage!

    Stay safe. And keep those crocodiles awayyyyy.

  12. Ellen Abbott- He can't help it! I know we're hard to live with. I know that.

    Liv- Laughing is healing. It truly is.

    SJ- Some days we're just fucked up messes.
    They pass. Eventually.

    Birdie- That's crazy! The auto-correct thing. It happens to me too but so far it hasn't affected any purchases. We're fine and safe, baby. Thanks.

    Ms. Fleur- See? I don't believe that. Whatever happens is NOT always okay unless you mean that when you die, it's all okay. Which, I guess it is.

    gradydoctor- Well, I'd rather be funny than happy all the damn time. So there is that.

    S. Jo- He'll be cautious. He always is. To a degree. Of course.

    Denise- Why IS it so funny? I do not know but it is. Nothing makes me laugh so hard.

    Syd- You're just sweet. That is all there is to it. I'm so glad we know each other.

    Bugerlugs- Well, it's just the truth.

    Deirdre- You're right! You should see my banty rooster. He is the cutest damn thing ever. I call him "Fancy" and his wife, another banty, is Baby. They crack me up and they sleep in a tree.

  13. I think you are absolutely correct about the effect of our childhoods. I also can't help planning for every contingency, making not only plan B, but also plans C, D, E and even F, frequently finding myself wondering when the other shoe might drop. Even when things are going perfectly well, a part of me can't ever let go of the fear that something terrible might happen and all of the happiness will be taken away from me. Considering the first 20 years of my life, this is not a big surprise, but I sure do so wish there was a way to fix this.

    Autocorrect mistakes make me laugh until tears roll down my face every time! Even if some of them are fake (though just judging from all the ways in which my own phone tries to be "smart" about what it "thinks" I want to say, I am pretty sure most of them are not faked), I still find them absolutely hilarious.

  14. P.S. I am so happy and relieved that you are not on the path of the hurricane.

  15. White Coat Dreamer- One of the reasons I love watching my grandsons grow up is that their lives are so full of LOVE. I mean, everyone who has anything to do with them just adores them to pieces. I am eager to see what this means as to their general outlook on life. I am thinking they may not be such The Sky Is Falling sorts of people.
    Thanks for your comments. I very much mean that.

  16. when all storms shall pass, the only constant is change.

    this is straight from the mouth of a short lady who sometimes has a bat attitude.

    hope all storms you encounter pass quickly,


  17. I love those auto-correct things too! They are hilarious.

    That is one big ass storm. Just be safe.

  18. We all have things that mess us up.

    Auto-correct is fucked up. I've had some dillies in my time - but I think the Apple programmers are messing with people because a lot of the autos are erotic in nature.

  19. No, I mean that I know you are worried, but Im pretty sure we will survive it, all of us. I would be worried too, but....just remember that Glen is an experienced hunter and very smart and resourceful and has his priorities right. He has peeps to come home to and he knows thats more important than risky behavior. (Granted his idea of risk and yours are likely very different.) :-)

    We'll all survive our respective storms. Glen, you, me, the chickens, the grands, the chilluns, all of us.

    That's what I mean.

  20. I think we'll be ok.

    But if you wanted to light a candle for us and send positive energy, we would welcome it.

    I'm going to be grumpy as hell when I lose electricity, but I'll survive. Unlike the woman next door who died during Katrina. I really hope her spirit is around looking after us now.

  21. I'm not sure that's "fuckedupness." I think it's just psychologically preparing yourself. It's like a defense mechanism. I'm sure I do it too.

    It may be overpreparing, because the bad stuff almost never happens, but better to be overprepared, right?

    Anyway, I'm sure the gator hunters will be fine. Glad the storm is not headed directly your way.

    I have my doubts about whether those auto-correct things are real. I don't know why auto-correct would change "kick" to "lick," since they're both legit words. But maybe it was just a typo!

  22. Steve - maybe they're not real, but I can't tell you how many times I've asked "Are you heterosexual" instead of the intended "Are you here" when on my phone. I don't have an iphone which is even more auto-correcty than mine, and I embarrass myself with the weird word choices on a regular basis.

    Funny when it's other people doing it too!59


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.