Thursday, August 9, 2012

Is This Vague Enough For You?

It seems as if many of us are going through "unbloggable" events and yes, I guess I am too.
It's nothing huge or a tragedy or life-threatening, know- life.

And isn't it funny how we can talk about some things and not others and I guess that's mainly because other people are involved and it's not fair to them (if we ARE fair and many of us do try to be) to rant and rave in a public space about private matters. And so yes, there is good reason to keep our mouths shut or at least to keep our rants off of the internet and anyway, at some age you realize that things are always in flux, things do tend to resolve, and finally, what may be a huge issue one day may not even make the top ten list the next.


But wouldn't it be nice, wouldn't it be HELPFUL sometimes to say, "This is what I am going through. Am I being unreasonable, is THAT person being unreasonable? Have you been through this? Or something similar? What did you do? How did it resolve?"
To be able to write those things instead of always just the things that make us look (unintended or not) to have near-perfect lives with everything figured out, in place, set in stone, lucky, lucky, lucky?

I think, at heart, that many of us DO know what we need to do about a situation and in knowing that, we also know that it serves no purpose to just vomit up the detritus of it online. Although...that would be so much easier than actually doing the work we know we need to do to rectify or correct the problem we are dealing with. Wouldn't it?

I have been thinking a lot lately about trying to always hold the other side's reasons in mind. The reasons for whatever I am perceiving as negative whether it is bigotry or blind faith or...whatever. Whatever, being a behavior that I don't agree with, that pisses me off or that hurts me. It is, of course, not always possible to do that.
But, sometimes it is.
And sometimes, it is vastly important to remember that there are generally at least two sides in every situation and that we play our parts as well. That there is no magic wand to simply be waved to create the best that we know can be created. That ignoring something and hoping things will change isn't always the best way to deal with it. That we must admit our parts in whatever is off the rails, that we must be willing to change and that (and this is the hardest part for me) to display the behavior that we would like to have displayed towards us.
Especially if we feel wronged or hurt. Especially then.

I am pondering all of these things today. I am wanting to make things as best they can be in my life which is, after all, a small life. One that should be manageable. If I can be reasonable and sensible.

I am thinking about all of that and I am trying to cut through bullshit and I am going to go to town to run some errands and it is a beautiful day, a little cooler again, and I had a good walk which did not kill me and I feel stronger in many ways.

I am SUCH a flawed human being but at least I know that. And I know that as much as I protest that I am doing the best I can, I am quite aware that I can do better in so many ways. That it is a great comfort sometimes to think that like Popeye I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam, but there comes a time to admit that that is a very limiting philosophy in real life and that change is possible and inevitable too, and it is up to me to try and create the changes I would like to see, instead of waiting around for life to deliver unto me the changes I seriously do not want.

To know that there is a potential for a bigger, better life and to not try to make it so is a wrongness and unfair to every one involved.

Yours In Being Human And Reaching Out For Grace...Ms. Moon


  1. Finding that balance between "doing the best that we can" and thinking "hey, I could have done better at that" is quite the balancing act-- for me anyway.
    Sending best wishes to you from the highwire, arms outstretched, hoping I don't hurt myself too bad when I fall.

  2. I realize that on line and in meetings is not the place for a total disclosure (fifth step). I read stuff that is written and shake my head. I'm sure that others do the same. We are so imperfect in all that we do. I just want to get through each day without harming someone else. And when I do harm another, I admit it and do my best to make things right. Be easy with yourself.

  3. Yes, dear Mrs Moon that was so vague that I couldnt work out what the problem bothering you was!!I think that if we are thinking out loud, then do it and share with the world and maybe someone might have a suitable suggestion that could help... however whatever it is, I do hope you feel calmer about it soon and put the darn thing thats bothering you into a box and lock it away!![ in your mind] unless that is what you have been doing for many years and the lid is coming off!!

    I am in love with that bright red Passion flower, sure we do not have them here in the uk... do you know the name of it, so I am able to ask around?? Meanwhile dear person/friend, I do hope your inside truthfullness helps you through the day.... all the best J

  4. Oh, change. That thing I want and don't want simultaneously. I hear you. I hear you.

  5. Ms Moon, you live anything but a small life, but everything else in this, i so relate to. Elizabeth mentioned something the other day about having a space where were could go privately and say, THIS is my truth today, and I realize it might not be my truth tomorrow, that it may be better, probably will be better tomorrow but today, dammit, this is sitting on my chest and suffocating my air. It would be such a relief.

    i love you dear Mary and you were plenty vague. but you know, it occurs to me that the space Elizabeth is talking about might be email.

    I'm here, arms open.

  6. I have a few very vague blog posts in my arsenal lately too. I love reading you, vague or otherwise.

  7. I hope you find peace soon, I hate that life can make us feel yucky at times. I'm sure talking to your sweet, sweet family will help you sort through things and you'll all be richer for it.

  8. A cousin constantly badmouths her husband on Facebook. Every frustration that he causes her is broadcast for the world's ridicule. It may well be her truth at the moment of posting, and it may make her feel better to vent at that moment, but for the rest of us it forever colors our perception of both of them. I've come to the conclusion that all things just cannot be publicly shared...some private spaces are needed.

    I have promised Himself that I will never shame him in public with my writing. If I violated the trust and safe haven of our marriage, it would be so very, very hard to find it again and entirely not worth the small reward of the momentary venting.

    I wonder how many blog writers appear to be coming from a perfect sort of life, when really they are in disarray but feel that their troubles are too much the property of others to share?

  9. I hope it gets resolved, whatever it is.

    I think another important point is to look for the buttons that get pushed - WHY do I feel pissed off, WHY do I feel hurt - why is this my reaction to this other person's issues, why am I taking it personally? Other people's behaviour is more about them than you... as you said. Life would be so much easier if we could learn not to react to everything personally. It's a tough challenge though.

  10. whatever it is, i know you can work it out with grace and class.

    thinking of you- we had torrential rain all day and i thought to myself, this must be what lloyd feels like on a humid, rainy summer's day.


  11. One of my patients once told me that "everybody is a hot ass mess if you look close enough at their lives." Ain't that the truth.

  12. Denise and Elizabeth- Let's just have a high wire party. Let's trust that the net will catch us if we fall.

    Syd- Yes. You are right. Total disclosure is a powerful thing and not to be used lightly. I am being easy with myself. I promise.

    Janzi- Thank you, dear. I only know that flower as red passion flower. I'm sorry.

    Lisa- Which means you are as human as the rest of us.

    Angella- I know you are there if I need you. That alone is comfort. I promise. I love you so.

    Maggie May- Sometimes even the most honest of us must be vague. And it's okay. We can work things out with just the barest words.

    Robyn- I think you are right.

    Mama D- Why would anyone risk love for the immediate gratification of such bile? I don't know.

    Jo- Your points are completely valid. Thank you.

    Mrs. A- I will do my best. And these storms are wonderful and amazing.

    gradydoctor- NO SHIT!!!!!!! Love you, honey.

  13. It's been a busy work week and I am just seeing this post now. I think everyone has been through what you are talking about here. I have learned the 12 step way of looking at problems and I believe it works on almost everything I face if I can force myself to do a 4th step. I disagree with the commenter above that says it is the other person's problem. I might not be understanding them correctly. Usually when I have an issue with someone, it turns out that it is my problem in some way. It usually involves not speaking up in the moment and being resentful later. There are people that push my buttons and I have found that I just have to stay away from them because of MY reaction to them -- they are who they are. Also, if I listen to my intuition deep enough, most other people have kind hearts and that helps me see them in a more positive light - even if I still choose not to interact with them much.

  14. Yep. And I don't know if that Popeye reference was intentional but I sure love it. And I sure love you.


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