Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I'm Tired. I'm Scared

It's been pouring rain here off and on all day long but nothing more than that. Mr. Moon says it is windy down in Tate's Hell but they're still hunting, those men.

I feel so cozy here in Lloyd tonight. I love my house so much and it adds another layer of contentment, thinking of how I thought I was going to be spending today which was huddled in fear in the hallway as the wind roared around the house and rain fell and lightening and thunder slashed.
This rain is nothing but lovely, offering curtains which first obscure and then reveal the world outside my porch.

I am exhausted. I'll admit that. I can't get up at four forty-five a.m. and not be exhausted by the end of the day. I am so worried about being on time when I go babysit for the boys on these early days that I set my alarm clock AND set two different alarms on my phone. Well. You understand. I am quite proud of that fact that in three years, almost, of doing grandchild-care I have not been late once that I know of, and haven't missed but maybe one day due to illness. I take this job seriously, as one should, I think. No, I don't get paid but I am royally rewarded. Not only by the smiles and hugs and kisses but also by the thanks I receive from Lily and Jason and the knowledge that I am helping them to support their family by allowing them to work for money to support their family. It feels like the honorable and correct thing to do. It feels right. It feels like an extension of what I have always done, which is to take care of my children the best way I know how. I am not saying I am a totally unselfish person, believe me. I am just saying that when one has children, certain things are set in place and one's life is changed forever and always and if there is anything in this world which will make you straighten up and fly right (or at least right-er) it is children and anyone who thinks that a child is only an eighteen-year responsibility is sorely deluded.

I think about this in regards to the Republican party's platform which includes the no-abortion-for-any-reason plank and it makes me sick. Look- it's not just the woman who was raped and would be forced to carry her rapist's child, although anyone who believes in that is stark, raving, cruelly mad in my opinion. Or the woman whose father or stepfather or uncle or brother got her pregnant. Again- really? A woman should be forced to carry a relative's child? Even her father's? Really? Really? REALLY??
It's any woman who finds herself pregnant and who knows that she is not in a position to raise a child the way a child should be raised.
This is the party who wants to slash social services so that a woman who finds herself pregnant and not in a position to raise a child has no resources to turn to. Who constantly wants to defund education. Who wants to gut the EPA so that big business can do whatever they want to do to our planet, thus ensuring that our children will grow up in a world that is not really capable of sustaining life the way it should. Our planet! Our incredible, beautiful planet! The womb of our existence!
It's all just so...fucked up.

I'm having a real hard time with all of this. See, I read the long articles. Not the ones on the internet that are full of lies and half-truths and bluster and bullshit. The ones that talk about the facts. I don't give a SHIT that Ann Romney gave a good speech last night praising mothers and women. Talk is so fucking cheap, especially when you married a man who was rich, rich, rich, and then became even richer by nefarious schemes. Ann Romney has no idea in this whole world what it's like to be a single mother with a shitty job and no health insurance and a cruel gauntlet of forms to fill out to receive any sort of help at all for her child. To be looked down upon by society because of poverty and lack of education. Hell, Ann Romney doesn't even GO to the places where single mothers with no education work. She never, ever, has to look one of those mothers in the eye. She doesn't go to the grocery store or the local diner or the MacDonalds. I doubt she even does her own clothes shopping. She does not live in my world and neither does her husband and he never, ever has. Not for one minute of his life.

I'm just so angry.

I know what it's like to raise kids and I know it's a lifetime of responsibility. And yes, joy. But. I admit that I have had the support of a partner who has worked in the marketplace to allow me to be the mother and now grandmother that I feel I need to be. That I want to be.

This is what scares me- people don't care to really think any more. They don't want the facts. They don't need the truth. Even when the truth rears its ugly-beautiful head (tax-returns, Mitt?) they ignore it if it serves their purpose.

Ah, shit. What I think and what I write doesn't matter. If the fucking truth doesn't matter, then what does it matter what I think?

Right now I think I'm going to go cook some spinach and squash and chicken. Right now I'm going to think about how grateful I am that I have such a beautiful house and that it still stands, unthreatened. Right now, I am going to feel blessed to have healthy children and grandchildren and my health and the knowledge that I am doing what a human being is supposed to do which is to take care of herself and the ones she loves to the best of her abilities. Right now I am going to be aware of the fact that I was born with so many advantages and have stumbled upon even more in this life of mine.

I'm sorry. I'm tired. I'm afraid. I'm scared that the giant corporations who don't give a damn, a fuck, a shit about anything but personal profit are going to win.

Mitt's their boy.

Ann's his wife.

I got no more to say.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Hey there, I just stumbled across your blog from Mr London Street and have just whittled away a good hour reading through - I'm enthralled!

    Politics is just one of those infernal concepts that will always strike the deepest of emotions within people - we will never fully agree or disagree with the opinions of others and it's just unfortunate that we have to trust our countries with people that use it as a career path full of hidden agendas. If only people still made decisions for the benefit of the human race!

    Despite that, you have a great point - there is always so much to be grateful for.

  2. I hated Ann Romney's speech. Big surprise, right? But I got all worked up listening to the recap on NPR, fixing my hair to go to work early at 7am and I thought--Ann Romney does not know one single shit about what it's like to be me. A single woman, out in the world on her own, working hard as hell in the big city. Doing everything I can to get to tomorrow -knowing I don't have a rich husband to back me up, or anybody at all.

    She can put that in her pipe. I'm so sick of the whole thing.

  3. Elizabeth- Oh yes. Yup. I was thinking of you the whole time I wrote this. It may not seem like it, but I was.

    Ellen Abbott- Ah lah, baby. Thanks for being part of the choir.

    Wayne- Who is Mr. London Street? Well, whoever he is, I am grateful and glad you're here. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I hope you will come back to visit any time.

    SJ- Fucking HELL YES! She is so clueless. So clueless.
    And you should know.

  4. I thought her speech was F R I G H T E N I N G!!!! Like she was sooooo looking forward to the pat on the head she was going to get after delivering it -- good girl that she is. Scary stuff.

    Mr. London Street is plain and simply one of the very best writers on the web - Brilliant British Bloke.

  5. I am feeling a bit of anxiety over this election. I do now fear that the people who are being duped will vote for Romney and the good man who is our President will fall, along with so many of us who realize that Romney and big business don't care a rat's ass about the middle class.

  6. I think it is wonderful that you take your maternal role to heart the way that you do. It is so cool that have a literal hand in multiple generations. Look what you've done and are doing! It truly touches my heart that there are such strong role models in the world and that given the frightening part of your youth, you've managed to pass on such love within your own family, in your community, and here in your virtual community. I love the way you love. As far as the politics, I am feeling depressed and fear that what Syd says might be true. Sweet Jo

  7. I'm so happy, you, your home and family are all safe. Whenever these storms come along I always think of you and hope it will pass you by. I think the poor people of New Orleans are getting it though. Sad.

    Elvis is looking good as ever and I'm catching up on the new of the flock.

    Wow, big news that Owen is using the potty! And Gibson is growing so fast.

    Politics...well I admit I have been avoiding as much as possible. All that conflict makes me anxious and I get so angry I get a headache. It's just not worth the misery it inflicts.

  8. Did Ann Romney give a good speech? I heard it and I cringed. I'm glad that people like you are in this world.
    Stay safe.

    xo dd

  9. Yes! You nailed it, exactly what I'm thinking and feeling, all at once frightened and dismayed. Fuck the truth, the facts, all of it, because this election is about soundbites and perception and ignoring everything that happened that got us to this miserable place.

    Freaking spoiled entitled rich clueless heartless ignorant earth pillaging heartless fools. I'm sick of this political dung heap.

    Thank you for saying what I'm thinking, only better.


  10. Oh Mary. I went from your place to Betsy's. You should read what she wrote. I love you both with all my little heart.

  11. Preach it, honey.

    Ann Romney doesn't know a goddamn thing about being poor and raising two kids on food stamps and free healthcare and being worried about being on the streets cuz she can't make the rent. I've been there. She hasn't. Fucking disingenuous of her to try to cuddle up to me cuz we both have vaginas.


  12. Bravo! I'm always so encouraged that you think the way you do, and all your commenters seem to agree with you. Surely that means there are tons and TONS of Americans who know not to buy into all this Republican BS?!

    I didn't see Ann Romney's speech. I'm not sure it was even broadcast here. But I know it would have annoyed me.

  13. liv- Thanks for the connection!

    Sara- Somehow Ann just didn't make me feel like we share a lot. You know?

    Syd- And even less about the truly poor.

    S. Jo- We all have to just keep moving forward, I guess, doing what it is we do. I am no role model. Just a woman who is lucky enough to have the family I do. I swear.

    Lisa- What? You didn't feel the love from Ann either?

    Mel's Way- I think we're all getting headaches. I'm so glad to see you here again!

    Deidre- I am so glad people like YOU are in this world. Yes.

    Mel- I think you put it quite well.
    And thanks for sending me to Betsy's. She's good.

    Beth Coyote- Right. Look! We both have vaginas! We must think alike! Not even close, woman. Not even close. GAWD.

    Steve- Well, there are a lot of people who think like me. But there are a lot who don't, too. They just don't spend any time here. I wonder why that is?

  14. as you say, clueless about the real world....but you care and others care and we have to keep trying....stay dry!!x

  15. You're right, it's fucking terrifying.

  16. I have purposely avoided anything having to do with what is going on in Tampa because I just get too worked up. I'm so worried that there are just enough crazy people voting that Romney might win. Just look who got elected as governor in Florida! It's scary.

    I love what you said about taking care of your grandchildren. I'm doing the same thing now that I'm retired and I love it. My daughter-in-law is going back to work and now I get to take care of my 6 week old grandson every day in addition to the two older ones. I'm in heaven!

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