It's been pouring rain here off and on all day long but nothing more than that. Mr. Moon says it is windy down in Tate's Hell but they're still hunting, those men.
I feel so cozy here in Lloyd tonight. I love my house so much and it adds another layer of contentment, thinking of how I thought I was going to be spending today which was huddled in fear in the hallway as the wind roared around the house and rain fell and lightening and thunder slashed.
This rain is nothing but lovely, offering curtains which first obscure and then reveal the world outside my porch.
I am exhausted. I'll admit that. I can't get up at four forty-five a.m. and not be exhausted by the end of the day. I am so worried about being on time when I go babysit for the boys on these early days that I set my alarm clock AND set two different alarms on my phone. Well. You understand. I am quite proud of that fact that in three years, almost, of doing grandchild-care I have not been late once that I know of, and haven't missed but maybe one day due to illness. I take this job seriously, as one should, I think. No, I don't get paid but I am royally rewarded. Not only by the smiles and hugs and kisses but also by the thanks I receive from Lily and Jason and the knowledge that I am helping them to support their family by allowing them to work for money to support their family. It feels like the honorable and correct thing to do. It feels right. It feels like an extension of what I have always done, which is to take care of my children the best way I know how. I am not saying I am a totally unselfish person, believe me. I am just saying that when one has children, certain things are set in place and one's life is changed forever and always and if there is anything in this world which will make you straighten up and fly right (or at least right-er) it is children and anyone who thinks that a child is only an eighteen-year responsibility is sorely deluded.
I think about this in regards to the Republican party's platform which includes the no-abortion-for-any-reason plank and it makes me sick. Look- it's not just the woman who was raped and would be forced to carry her rapist's child, although anyone who believes in that is stark, raving, cruelly mad in my opinion. Or the woman whose father or stepfather or uncle or brother got her pregnant. Again- really? A woman should be forced to carry a relative's child? Even her father's? Really? Really? REALLY??
It's any woman who finds herself pregnant and who knows that she is not in a position to raise a child the way a child should be raised.
This is the party who wants to slash social services so that a woman who finds herself pregnant and not in a position to raise a child has no resources to turn to. Who constantly wants to defund education. Who wants to gut the EPA so that big business can do whatever they want to do to our planet, thus ensuring that our children will grow up in a world that is not really capable of sustaining life the way it should. Our planet! Our incredible, beautiful planet! The womb of our existence!
It's all just so...fucked up.
I'm having a real hard time with all of this. See, I read the long articles. Not the ones on the internet that are full of lies and half-truths and bluster and bullshit. The ones that talk about the facts. I don't give a SHIT that Ann Romney gave a good speech last night praising mothers and women. Talk is so fucking cheap, especially when you married a man who was rich, rich, rich, and then became even richer by nefarious schemes. Ann Romney has no idea in this whole world what it's like to be a single mother with a shitty job and no health insurance and a cruel gauntlet of forms to fill out to receive any sort of help at all for her child. To be looked down upon by society because of poverty and lack of education. Hell, Ann Romney doesn't even GO to the places where single mothers with no education work. She never, ever, has to look one of those mothers in the eye. She doesn't go to the grocery store or the local diner or the MacDonalds. I doubt she even does her own clothes shopping. She does not live in my world and neither does her husband and he never, ever has. Not for one minute of his life.
I'm just so angry.
I know what it's like to raise kids and I know it's a lifetime of responsibility. And yes, joy. But. I admit that I have had the support of a partner who has worked in the marketplace to allow me to be the mother and now grandmother that I feel I need to be. That I want to be.
This is what scares me- people don't care to really think any more. They don't want the facts. They don't need the truth. Even when the truth rears its ugly-beautiful head (tax-returns, Mitt?) they ignore it if it serves their purpose.
Ah, shit. What I think and what I write doesn't matter. If the fucking truth doesn't matter, then what does it matter what I think?
Right now I think I'm going to go cook some spinach and squash and chicken. Right now I'm going to think about how grateful I am that I have such a beautiful house and that it still stands, unthreatened. Right now, I am going to feel blessed to have healthy children and grandchildren and my health and the knowledge that I am doing what a human being is supposed to do which is to take care of herself and the ones she loves to the best of her abilities. Right now I am going to be aware of the fact that I was born with so many advantages and have stumbled upon even more in this life of mine.
I'm sorry. I'm tired. I'm afraid. I'm scared that the giant corporations who don't give a damn, a fuck, a shit about anything but personal profit are going to win.
Mitt's their boy.
Ann's his wife.
I got no more to say.