Thursday, September 4, 2014

Thank-You, Auto Correct For This Good Laugh. And Other Things

Oh my god. I just laughed so hard I cried.
Mr. Moon does almost all of his texting via voice-imput. Or whatever you call that. You speak the text and Siri (I'm sure it's Siri) types it for you. So he was doing that, giving our neighbor Paul instructions on feeding the chickens and the cat and he was trying to explain that every night he has to go into the pump house where Missy is and pick her up and take her to the hen house.
He went through this whole thing and sent it without reading it and well, here's how it came out.

And then...

As you can see, Paul is capable of handling anything. And I can't help it. I'm still laughing at the image of Paul carrying a small black man gently to the hen house. By hand. 

Oh my. A good laugh is a beautiful thing. 
So yes, Missy is still trying to hatch no eggs. Bless her heart.  

I went to see Kathleen today and we had the best talk. We talk about everything. Husbands and relatives and chickens and ducks and books and getting born and dying. Yes. All of it. Hell, she's not shy and neither am I. I think she's worried she's not doing this hospice thing right. She's always been an overachiever, you know. Always. And a people-pleaser. She always will be. We can joke about it but we can be serious too. I keep telling her that she's doing everything just exactly right. And she is. And she is beautiful and smart and funny as hell and wise and so very kind and wicked, too, and she is my friend and she may be dying but she is not dying NOW and there is something so comforting and sweet about laying on her bed with her and just...chatting. 
I keep saying, "I've got to go. I know I'm wearing you out," but then we start talking about something else and another half hour goes by. 
Ah lah. 
I love her. 

After our visit, when I finally pulled myself away I went to the grocery store and bought our food for the island. Sin food. Steaks and cheese and tortilla chips and beer. And lettuces and tomatoes and a red onion and hummus and corn meal and so it wasn't all bad. Just mostly. 
Dog Island is a hell of a lot like Las Vegas- what happens there, stays there. Which is good and which is bad because we not only leave the bad eating behind, we also have to leave the sunsets, the tides, the ospreys' crying as they dive into the water for their supper, the sound of the wind as it sings across the dunes and through the pine trees, the leaping mullet, the ballet of dolphins, the sense of nothing-to-do, nowhere to be. 

Well, I am looking forward to it and I know that Maurice and the chickens will be in good hands with Paul. Even Missy, a small black hen and not a small black man, who is sitting on imaginary eggs and who may eventually hatch out small imaginary peeps with imaginary fluff and imaginary cheeps, to gather under her very real wings. 

We all create our own reality some say. This is certainly true for Missy. 

Bless all our hearts. 

Bless alla y'all. 


  1. One small black man... yeah, he just turned up one day, we named him Maurice. Oh, the Moons and their waifs and strays! :D

  2. Oh Ms Moon. I've had the most frustrating day....can't even begin to get into it.....but reading your post just now made me laugh my ass off and I do believe I've shed at least half of my todays allotment of frustration! Thank you for that! and have a most wonderful time at Dog Island......
    Love from Calif
    Susan M

  3. We are leaving for Maine tomorrow, for a touching of the ocean, it's been too long...the older boy will house sit, dog sit, cat sit, and yard bird sit!!! I always worry that it won't be worth the fuss and bother...and also my mom wanted to go and my man is all 'no, no way...' gah! Enjoy your man and island, and I will be setting out with as positive an outlook as I can pull out of where the sun don't shine...

  4. That should be sent to Ellen!

  5. OMG. Still laughing.
    Have a wonderful wonderful time, Mrs. Moon!

  6. oh dear god, thank you for sharing that! I too am laughing through my tears...isn't that one of the best feelings? right up there with taking your bra off after a long day!

    A week from tomorrow my husband and I will be sinking our toes into the beautiful sandy beaches of St George Island. Healing waters indeed. You will probably hear my almighty exhale all the way over in Lloyd. I always keep an eye out for a "Mary" sighting when we are in Apalachicola...never know who you might run into at the River Lily! Enjoy yourselves-I certainly plan to!
    Angie D

  7. My favorite from Siri was when Harry asked me, from the store, how many cans of evaporated milk I wanted him to get. When I voice texted my reply it was:

    "I need sex."

    Then I quickly saw the error and corrected it.

    "I mean, I need six. But I'll take the other thing when I get home, too."

    His reply:

    "Works for me."

    And now for the tasteless joke that couldn't be resisted: Glad he's not a "small black man." So crude, I know. But you still love me, right? Hee.

  8. I love the image of you and Kathleen lying in bed together and talking. That's the best thing in the world, frankly -- the lazy and beautiful thing about woman friendship. And that text thing of Mr. Moon's is so very funny -- I would have laughed till I cried, too.

  9. LOL -- that auto-correct is hilarious. I love that image.

    How great that you had a wonderful visit with Kathleen. It will mean a lot to you to look back on moments like that -- not that it doesn't already mean a lot now.

  10. Maurice wants to go with you.

    --Awesome Cat Mama

  11. Laughing is the fountain of youth and sharing sin food isn't a sin, it's living and that's what we have to do while we're here. And you are a living testament.
    Have fun at Dog Island!

  12. Jo- I know! And then our waifs and strays become our bosses. How does this happen?

    Susan M- I'm glad I could make you laugh! Or, rather, Mr. Moon made you laugh. I just reported in.

    Big Mamabird- I ALWAYS wonder if it's going to be worth it. Especially Dog Island where we have to take everything. And for only two nights! Well, it will be. I'll be thinking of you.

    ditching the dog- Ha!

    Denise- You too, honey! Be free!

    Angie D- St. George is a healing, wonderful place. I love it. And if you'd run into me anywhere, it would be River Lily!
    Have great fun and deep peace.

    Gradydoctor- Why in the world did you need six cans of evaporated milk?
    Sex I can understand.
    And that was a priceless comment and I love you even more.

    Elizabeth- Yes. Women. I love us so much. We sure do get some things right, don't we?

    Steve Reed- Amen.

    heartinhand- You are right. Even if it's sin food, it's not a sin.

  13. I have tears in my eyes from reading that. Literal tears. Hillarious!

  14. I cannot get the image out of my head. In fact, I am laughing just thinking about it.


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