Sunday, September 28, 2014

I Yam Who I Yam And That's All That I Yam

The other day Lily and I were discussing crushes and how random they are and so forth and I said that at least my two main crushes were older than me and had faces crunched and marked by time and years- Bill Murray and of course Keith, although he is not really a crush at all, but more my spirit totem animal, as has been noted many times before, and Lily said, "I've never really gotten the Bill Murray thing. I mean, I get the fact that Keith has the rock star thing going for him and Bill Murray's a good actor and everything but I just don't really get it."
"You know," I said to her, "I think it's more that both of those men are exactly who they are and do not care at all what anyone else thinks they should be."
We pondered that for awhile.
She said, "Yeah. I understand that."

I talked to a friend today who, after many years of marriage, has just recently come out of the closet and who is getting a divorce from his wife. And he said that she is still his best friend and I felt so glad that finally, he is going to allow himself to be who he is, fully and openly. I think of how horrible it must have been for him to have to try and keep such a secret for so very many years, how overwhelmingly heavy of a burden that must be. I think that he never wanted to disappoint his parents or family, to shock or dismay them, and beyond that, he wanted a family. He wanted children. And so...he has been married and soon he will not be and his children are grown and he said that when he told his family, things went so much better than he had feared they would and isn't that almost always the truth? Those who truly know us and love us, will simply continue to do so, no matter what? And that the secrets we think are so vastly too horrible to share because of the condemnation we will receive if we speak them turn out to be little more than a blip, a small speed bump to slow as we go over, and then we go on, no different than before except for perhaps a great relief that the small mystery or the elephant in the room can now be dismissed?
Not to say that I am going to leak all my secrets.
Or that anyone on earth should be forced to speak theirs out loud.

There are some people, though, who just seem to know exactly who they are and who could give a shit about what anyone else thinks from what appears to be the moment of their birth. Can you even imagine Madonna in grade school? Oprah in Jr. High? Is this some special trait, embedded in DNA? Is it a sort of Asperger's which prevents some people from even being aware of the possibility of "fitting in," or the social stigma of being different?

I have no idea but what I do know is that so very often, it is these people who refuse to deny who they are, who have no seeming desire whatsoever to "fit in" who grow up to be so amazing, so cool, so inspiring that they become the very symbols of coolness, of hipness, of someone to be emulated.

And please- don't give me any shit about Madonna. Say what you will about her, she is definitely and always has been like no one else.

The bottom line is- none of us is exactly like any one else. Whether we're slightly (or profoundly) crazy, or gay or transgendered or introverted or extroverted to an inordinate degree or interested in only one thing which we shall make our life's meaning and work or scarred or different in any way, we are who we are.

And if we only had the sure belief that we would be loved for whatever that is, we probably would be.

And oh, the energy we would not have to expend trying to be what we think everyone else wants us to be.

All right. That's what I'm thinking about tonight in Lloyd, Florida. I bought seeds and plants today and this week I shall get my garden planted.

A new beginning again. 

Let's all try to love ourselves for who we are. Because honestly- who else can we be?

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Life would be that much sweeter if we all could just love and give love without judgement.

  2. Ellen- And accept love. That one is so very important too.

  3. First we have to know who we truly are....

  4. Big thoughts from a big house in a tiny town :) I love you.

  5. ain't for city gals- That is exactly right. And if we didn't spend so much damn time worrying about who we should be, we might figure it out a lot faster.

  6. I think we are getting to a point where people can more fully be themselves -- certainly in the west but even globally. And I don't just mean in the gay sense. I mean more and more, people can do what they want for their livelihood regardless of gender, and can play sports or paint or whatever. You know? We are progressing, as much as the Christian Right and the Islamic extremists might want to hold us back.

  7. Mary, I absolutely adore this post. I didn't get the Bill Murray thing either but I just went with it and now after how you explained it to Lily, I totally get it. What great exchanges you have with your children. I think it must be one of life's true joys.

  8. Joe Perry. Oh, wait, I mean Joe Fucking Perry, Rock God. His book is coming out soon. :)))
    John Malcovich, I like him, too. And, then there's Matthew McConaughey. He's pretty though, no crunched face there.

    I'm happy to hear that your friend has come out and can live the life he should be living. A friend of ours came out years ago and all is well. We love him.

  9. I've never given much of a rat's ass about what people may think of me. Growing up in my family that was the most important thing to my parents. Whenever one of us siblings did something my parents didn't approve of their outrage was all about what their friends and colleagues would think. Their concern was all about their social status.

  10. I like those who don't care about fitting in. I have not felt as if I fit in for so many years, most of my life actually. And I am okay with that.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.