Saturday, September 13, 2014

It Is Not My Part To Master Shit Today

It has been, in my estimation, a practically perfect day.
I got in that garden and cleared out a huge swatch of weeds, revealing lovely wiggling worms and nice black dirt. I sweated and got filthy dirty and listened to the book I'm reading with my ears right now, The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory and it may not be great literature but it carries me right along with it, the narrator a good one, the story hot with lust and conniving, scheming and betrayal, courtly life and ambition.
My hands in the dirt, my ears in the court of King Henry VIII.
When I had done all I could do with my wrist, I moved on to the yard and pulled some of the spent lilies, the wild gladiolas which, after their sparse bloom, lay down on the job from exhaustion and beg to be put to mercy.

I heard a bit of an interview with Diane Rehm with Bob Edwards and she talked about how her beloved husband of 54 years died this year from Parkinson's and he wanted to be done with his suffering, to be put, yes, to mercy, and his doctor could not help him but said, "If you want, you can stop taking your medications, stop drinking water and stop eating," and he did and ten long days later, he died and I think of that and it makes me despair for him and for his wife who had to sit by and watch this because she respected his wishes and what strength that must have taken for her, not to mention him. My god.

If we did that with a dog- decided that the best way to euthanize him would be to starve and withhold water from him- we would be arrested for cruelty. And yet, if someone is powerfully motivated to die and can receive no help, no help at all from the medical community, this is the only option. It is cruel and it is wrong. There is nothing else to say about it except that I cannot imagine a more inhuman attitude towards life and death.
Don't even start with me about how life is sacred and death comes when it should because that's a bullshit lie and we keep people going for long periods of time with medications and treatments when their lives are nothing but pain and despair and they long for peace and there is nothing natural about that at all when the person involved, the person who longs for peace, begs for succor, for release.


Here is a picture I got of one of our golden orb weavers with her web.

The sun was shining through the web just so and you can see the intricacy of it. They look, if the light is different, as if they are hanging in space.

Mr. Moon cut the grass while I worked in the garden and yard and when we were done, we showered and napped a bit and when I got up, one of the candidates for county commissioner knocked on the door and I've met her once and she's so down-home and such a sweetie and I said, "Hey Betsy! I'm going to vote for you!" and she remembered my name (or more likely, got it off the tax roles) and we chatted for awhile about Lloyd and stuff and she asked if she could put a sign in my yard and I said yes and the chickens scratched and sang around us and she said my yard looked so beautiful. Of course she's a politician to the core but I do truly believe she has best interests at heart and besides that, my yard does look beautiful in its funky, wild way.

Here's Maurice, hanging out the dog, now cat-door.

She has brought me no trophies today and I am glad of that.

Missy is back on her no-egg nest so I spoke too soon about the brood thing.

Prairie Home Companion is on and I'm going to go listen to that and make pizza with ALL of the ingredients on it and I'm extremely excited about that. Mr. Moon is still wearing his Owen bracelet and I am as in love with that man today as a teenager with her first crush so here I go to make dough and saute mushrooms and red pepper and chop pineapple and olives and artichoke hearts and slice tomatoes and onions. There will be sweet and there will be savory, there will be salty and there will be cheesy and today life has been like that, with ALL of the ingredients and my body feels strong and good, my heart is at ease.

For this one day, at least, I will let the politicians and the leaders take care of it all in whatever way they can from cleaning up trash on the roads to trying to negotiate peace in the middle east and there is no end to any of it but for now, right this second, I am just so grateful to be able to take care of this tiny, infinitely small piece of the universe where I live and glory in the delicious comfort of it. A place I share not only with my husband but with the worms and spiders, the caterpillars and butterflies, the chickens and the cat, the great oaks and the weeds.

I am not complacent. I am simply filled with love and contentment.

I am thinking of this J.R.R. Tolkien quote which I am sure I have given here before.

“It is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.”

Amen, J.R.R. And thank you.


  1. Oh lord that is such a difficult question and how hard for her to stand by, indeed. I am not sure I can really imagine what it must feel like to do that.

  2. Sweet, sweet photo of Maurice, though I would be afraid of dead "treats" from her...

    The perspective of the spider photo conveys my outsized fear of them: It's almost as big as your house!

    I totally agree with your feelings about how we should be able to decide how to end our suffering when it's time, and not have to make it even more difficult.

  3. Amid everything else, I am struck by your being as in love with your man as if you were a teenager. How wonderful to feel that way!

  4. I had pizza tonight too, and I have a feeling my Trader Joe's pizza pales in total comparison with your pizza creation! I made soup today, too, and almost texted you about it. It's ridiculously healthy. Maybe I'll send you a picture of it tomorrow.

    And I totally dig that picture of Maurice!

  5. A beautiful post. The story you told is an awful one. People... we are so stupid. And so brave. What is this modern instinct to deny each other peaceful births and peaceful deaths ?

  6. Jenny Woolf- That may be the most intense act of love I've ever heard of.

    Sylvia- The spider is not as big as my house but she is not tiny, either.
    I'm with you on the choosing of death thing. It should be our right.

    Angella- Ah, he's such a sweet boy. I can't help it.

    SJ- Our pizza was fabulously healthy. Yes! Send me a picture of your soup! Isn't Maurice so photogenic? She's a devil and I love her.

    Jo- Exactly! Medical science has robbed us of both! It is so time to reclaim those rights.

  7. I really like the new picture of your most awesome grandsons on your sidebar.

    And... I finished your book. I swear to you that I am not just saying this to gain your favour but your writing is no less than brilliant. Fannie Flagg can stand aside, the south has a new writer and her name is Mary Moon! I really hope you write more, a lot more. As I read both stories I was taken in at how comfortable I felt with the characters. They felt like friends and I was disappointed for the stories to end. PLEASE... write more!

  8. I agree about the inhumanity of human death, it's just wrong to let a creature suffer, whether they have two legs or four. Or one or three, for that matter.

    Love is grand. Especially long-time love. I need to play in what's left of our fall days, before the winter comes. I feel like a moulting hen, all disheveled and eggless. I have no idea what that means but doesn't it sound dramatic?!

  9. I saw the movie 'The Other Boleyn Girl' and have read assorted books about that time. I kinda dig King Henry VIII stuff. All four seasons of 'The Tudors' on Showtime... excellent!
    Currently reading 'City of Women' ... about Berlin, Germany in the '40s.

    Yes, it certainly is very cruel and wrong for someone with a disease like that to have to suffer that way. So sad.

    I like all of your photos, especially the one of Maurice.

  10. isn't contentment wonderful? and yes, we are inhumane to the dying and those who wish to go and be done with things they no longer have the strength to endure. I blame religion, specifically christianity and it's very skewed perception of life and death.

  11. Birdie- Oh, thank you so much! And thank you for noticing the new grandsons picture on the sidebar. You are the only one who has said anything about it.

    heartinhand- Yes! Play while we may! And of course I understand about the moulting eggless hens. I am one of them for certain.

    Crystal Chick- I think I would like to see the movie now that I have heard the book.
    Maurice is a super model. She poses so nicely.

    Ellen Abbott- YES! Fucking religion with its proclamations about what is allowed and what is not. What is sacred and what is not. I get so angry thinking about it.

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