I woke up this morning feeling as if someone had used my body to clean an entire battleship with. I kept walking around saying, Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus, and the cat looked at me like, I'm not Jesus, I'm the cat. Feed me.
These dreams. Lord have mercy. This morning's involved me being in a sort of reality cooking show. I saw no cameras but there were judges who appeared to be mostly intent on partying. Also- no industrial kitchen. Just some shitpile of a house. No real food either. "I"m not a chef," I kept saying, "Just a woman who's made a million meals for her family." I wanted someone to play "Satisfaction" on the sound system but they kept getting the wrong song. It pissed me off so much.
I made a meatloaf on my five inches of gray cracked formica counter space of things I scavenged from the refrigerator. I was planning a ketchup/balsamic reduction to top it. When I woke up, I'd been hacking the leavings of fruit off mango seeds and was thinking I'd boil them for some sort of custard. The knife was the dullest knife in the world. I couldn't find any flour. I was hoping there were bananas somewhere. A mango banana pudding?
Bless my heart.
So I took my walk but it was slow going. I always WANT to walk slowly but today there was no choice about it. Mr. Moon reports that his workout was really hard today too. May is sick at home today and SHE reports that everyone is sick now. EVERYONE.
It is one degree-of-light closer to fall today. There is no doubt at all. I feel as if I am floating on a warm, gentle sea with cool air above me, contemplating sending the children out to sift periwinkles from the sand as the waves retreat to simmer and strain to make a broth to cook with onions and celery and potatoes and a little bacon for a soup, saving the shells and making a mosaic from them. In real life I am simmering black beans that I soaked last night. The boys will be here soon. Jessie reports she is stiff and sore but fine. Life, at this moment, is golden and salty and buzzy with crickets and crooning hens.
I could happily sit here on my back porch all day, eyes open and eyes shut, the images from both perspectives equally fine.
A complete wonder:
It's that sort of day.
And thus, Hosannas.