It's Saturday afternoon already and I am feeling completely useless, undone by my recklessness last night with Lizzie with whom I had forty-two shots of rum after two martinis. The martinis were before dinner, the forty-two shots of rum came after.
We didn't really have forty-two shots of rum but we did have some rum and we did dance to the Rolling Stones in the hallway, even though my CD player is shot and the lyrics got a bit tangled. We kept the rhythm in our own way, nonetheless, and I knew what Mick was saying. I knew what he was talking aout.
So yes, we had a very good time. I need that girl like I need water. She is my heart-mate, that girl. My soul-sister. We can sit and hold hands across the table and tell each other almost anything. What could be more valuable than that?
It had been a long, long day. Up and walking early, then I went to town to do a quick run to the seafood market and the grocery store but on the way in I got a call from The Home and they said that Mother had fallen but that she was okay and some other stuff so I stopped there on my way into town.
She is really, really changing quickly and not for the better. She tells the aides and nurses one thing and then denies them all to me and tells me another thing but she is not dissembling, she truly believes what she is telling all of us. At that moment in time, at least, although later she will have another story of how events unfolded.
It's so awful for her. It's just not right. It is wrong in every sense of the word.
But. What are you going to do?
Here's the truth: When her mother was so frail and so out of it and spent all of her days in the hallway of a nursing home tied into her wheelchair, Mother had fantasies of putting the pillow over her had and helping her to go on. She didn't, of course, but here we are now and she is the one whom I KNOW would not want to live like this (and she says it, right out loud). I am not going to do any damn thing with a pillow, I'll tell you that.
I don't know if she's having TIA's or what. And by god we are NOT going to go and get MRI's and all that crap. What if she is having little strokes? What can they do?
And I don't even know if they're going to suggest this but I'm already feeling guilty and defensive about it all.
So. I stayed with Mother awhile and talked to the nurse and the aide and then I finally left and went to the seafood market and then I got a text from Lily that Owen really wanted to come out to my house so after I went to the grocery, I stopped at Lily's and picked up that boy who was so happy this time to get in the car and come home with me. His Boppy came home too and we played and played with him. He was a joy and full of juice and he made me laugh and he kissed me and he put make up on my eyes and then used the compact to make a flip phone which he opened and called the Power Rangers on because we were in "trouble!" He has quite the imagination, that little boy. He creates and acts out entire scenarios dealing with everything from Power Rangers to tigers and talks endlessly. Endlessly!
Somehow even with all the playing I got some things done towards supper and did a few house chores and then Boppy took him home and Lon and Lis came and Day, Part III began.
Oh, it was so good to have them here. I made a huge shrimp salad and a loaf of bread and that was our entire dinner. I had had plans to make a berry pavlova for dessert but that certainly never happened. And it was fine. There were M&M's which we had forgotten to send home with Owen which are his rewards for peeing in the potty and somehow they got eaten. I suppose that our dessert was M&M's and rum which ain't bad, really. I don't think that Martha Stewart would recommend it but then again, maybe she would. I hear she likes to take a drink and who doesn't love M&M's?
And then we all slept and then we all got up and I made us eggs with peppers and onions and toast and then Lis gave me some birthday presents including a pair of earrings made from tiny antique perfume bottles and Lis took a shower and got all dressed up in her finery for tonight because she and Lon are going to rehearse for a gig and she won't have time to change before it and there she was, looking beautiful and radiant and did I take one picture?
No. I did not.
Ah well. Trust me. She is beautiful.
And we may or may not go see them play tonight. We shall see.
But I AM going to town this afternoon to go see Moonrise Kingdom with my other Liz and the darling Kati. I think. I got an e-mail about this yesterday and I'm going and if no one shows up, I'll just have fun eating my popcorn and watching the movie which I have waited so long to see. The idea of slipping into a Wes Anderson world in the darkness while outside it is a hot Saturday afternoon makes me feel as if time travel is possible, as if magical spells can be cast with the simple purchase of a paper ticket.
All of a sudden a tiny rain shower just this second poured down and the sun is as bright as it can be. It came and went faster than I could tell about it. The devil is beating his wife again.
There. That is me. A woman sandwiched between a mother and grandchildren, cushioned with love from friends and husband. Last night, as Lis and I sat across the table from each other and held onto each other's hands and told each other things and I looked into her eyes, I thought to myself, Remember this.
And so I have. And so it is and so I shall and this is it and it is Saturday afternoon on a hot summer day in Lloyd, Florida and I am wearing tiny earring bottles dangling from my ear lobes and I am going to watch a movie in a theater and eat popcorn, piece by piece, one piece at a time and look at Bill Murray's face and I just feel so lucky.