Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Don't Make Me Tell You What I Really Think

Owen was in a terrifically good mood today. He was quite excited at the prospect of going to the mall and announced to me that we WERE going to the mall and he showed me the dollar he had to take with him to buy something. He was unclear about what he would buy, but he was excited at the prospect. 
Lily was meeting someone she'd met online to buy some cloth diaper inserts and I asked her if this was like a drug deal.

We met up with the insert-seller at the children's playground right in front of Macy's and the transaction was made and Owen played for awhile on the shiny, plastic, padded things and Lily and I drank Starbucks (conveniently located thirty feet away) and Gibson watched the children and kept his thoughts to himself. He is in the middle of teething and is not quite himself, not quite as full of smiles, but such a good boy.

I asked Owen for a hug while we were at the playground and he almost gave me one but then he pulled back and said in an accusatory tone, "I need water!" so Lily went to the Starbucks to get him a cup and he followed her and discovered that they had chocolate milk and that is what he bought with his dollar. Of course, a chocolate milk at Starbucks costs $1.89 because it is organic and celestially blessed but Mama and Mer-Mer chipped in and he was happy.

We went and found some shorts for Boppy and then bought a teething toy for Gibson, a Sophie Giraffe, which I hear is all the rage and Lily had been wanting it and so we got it.

We had paid five dollars to rent a race-car stroller for Owen which we considered to be a good investment as we could buckle him in and that proved to be true. Well, that and the giant gumball Lily bought him which kept him happy and quiet for quite some time and so Lily and I decided to get our money's worth by strolling a bit. The mall is such an interesting place. I actually saw, for the first time, I think, a guy who was wearing his pants completely below his butt requiring him to hold the pants up with one hand which seemed awkward to me but I wished I could have told him what I was thinking which was that if my butt looked so cute in a pair of undershorts, I would not be adverse to showing it either, although perhaps he should consider some elastic-waisted pants, thus freeing up a hand.
Next time. I will do it next time. I swear.

I also saw a girl who had no arms at all but whose hands stuck out directly from her shoulders. I had the inclination to point her out sotto voce to Lily with words something like, "Look- aren't we lucky with our normal children?" but that seemed to be something my mother would have said and which would have added another layer of guilt to me and so I remained silent but I did think how incredibly lucky we truly are with our miraculously normal children.

We decided that with Owen buckled in and happily chewing his gum we could risk going in the Sephora which we did. Lily and I both love shiny, crazy-colored eye shadow and I know what I'm going to get her for her birthday. I saw a display of some line of cosmetics made from something called Argan oil and there was a hair serum which they had a tester of and since I'd just washed my hair and it was loose, I decided to try it. Why not? The girl who worked there came up and waxed eloquently about it and sprayed my hair with it for me and after she'd done that, I read what was in it which was basically SALT and OIL which is exactly what I'd just washed out of my hair (albeit my own salt and my own oil) and let me tell you something- NO. I have never in my life put anything on my hair in one application which fucked it up so much but whatever. I am a grandmother. I am not supposed to have this much hair anyway.

We bought nothing but it was fun.

By the time we left the mall, we were all pretty much done. It had been lovely but it was time to go. We were all hungry and we still had to go to the grocery store which we did. In front of Publix there was a man with one of the most impressively large and stitched lacerations on his face and head I'd ever seen in my life. As a nurse I can assure you that it was perfectly clean and looked to be completely free of signs of infection. If I had been the physician who stitched it, I would have been very proud. When we passed, I smiled and said "Hello" and he said "Hello" back and I couldn't even imagine what sort of instrument caused such a wound but in my professional opinion, he's going to be fine.

Lily and I rushed through Publix as quickly as we could. I bought many vegetables and quinoa, which I needed. It was so expensive! "Don't they have any that's NOT organic?" I asked. Since I was hungry, everything looked good to me and I bought pineapple and cantaloupe and an avocado and portobello mushroom caps and sweet potatoes and spinach and arugula and red onions and white ones too. It's like some switch has been flipped in my head and I am truly ready to eat well again. Or, to be honest, well-er.

By the time I got home I was completely exhausted. I had to go to bed. And, being a grandmother, I could.

So that's what my day was like with my daughter Lily and these boys

who are beautiful and make me incredibly happy to have stuck around this long and I keep thinking about all of the things in that gerontological nursing book which stated "Although (x, y, z) is not caused by aging, 5o% of the aging population has (x, y, z)" which seems ridiculously nonsensical to me.

It is the 4th of July and no, I am not going to say that I am grateful for all of the soldiers who gave their lives for my freedom because I am so damn idealistic that I think that humans should have gotten past the point of needing to kill each other to defend anything a very, very long time ago and one of my very most favorite parts of the whole damn Bible is the part about beating our weapons into plowshares and I am ashamed of the fact that old men keep conscripting young people to go and risk their lives for anything.

Well, that's me.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. The kids around here have been holding onto their pants for years. It's funny to watch them scurry across the street when the signal is only for two seconds. The Mall is a non-universe for me. I don't go.

    Oh Mary Moon I have been craving quinoa all day but I don't have the uprightedness to stand and rinse it as much as I like it rinsed so it pops up fluffy and white.


  2. Stephanie- Thanks, darling.

    Madame King- What? You're supposed to rinse quinoa? You teach me things every day. I haven't been to the mall in a year until I went and bought shorts for Mr. Moon's birthday and he liked them so much I had to go back and get more. But it's always alright with the grandboys. Somehow, they make it all right.

  3. Rinsing quinoa is supposed to take away a bitter undertaste, but I don't bother, I just cook it in vegetable broth instead and it's fine.

  4. Quinoa is actually a seed and rinsing (I rinse my at least three times) it removes the hull of the seed which makes the quinoa light and fluffy. Once you rinse it you'll see a kind of soapiness rise to the top. I usually keep rinsing until the quinoa is clear. No bitter under taste and light fluffy quinoa that is delicious with saffron and cinnamon and also with sugar and milk or just with butter yum.

  5. What a day! Sounds awesome and I'm glad that the transaction wasn't so much like a drug deal.

  6. Well, thanks for sharing your trip to the mall and your adorable grandboys with us.

    Where I used to work, the students had to put their belongings in a locker before they tested, and one of those below the butt belted kids reached up to open the locker and his pants fell down. The ladies are still laughing about that one :)

    I too went nuts in the produce section of the grocery store. I was on a mission to use as many fruits and veggies as possible today (15!) and for the first time in my life, I bought a whole pineapple. It was a lot of work but worth it.

    Hope the rest of your 4th was lovely and relaxing. We fought the masses to watch fireworks, but again, it was worth it.

    Sometimes it's good to get out and about, at least a little.


  7. Your sense of humor and your downright blatant honesty are a wonderful combination. Add in those beautiful boys and you're gold!

  8. I can hardly wait for your blog post on the day you decide to advise one of those young men to elasticate their pants ;-)
    Well said on your last paragraph.

  9. It's a brave soul that enters the mall with toddler and infant in tow!
    My twins have the Sophie giraffes too, and they love them. Farty loves to make them squeak really loud (the giraffes, not the twins) which drives me batshit crazy, but he's a 4 year old boy and that's what they do.
    It's 96 degrees here, and that is way too hot for Wisconsin, so I'm crotchety and thinking longingly of snow and ice and all things winter...

  10. I haven't been to a mall in so long. I haven't missed it. And what I like about the fourth are the fireworks and that Jefferson and Adams both died on that day, as well as my friend. I will remember all of them.

  11. Wait - you have a Macy's in Floyd???


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.