Why, oh why did I ever become a nurse?
Okay. I remember why. I was a single mother. I need to figure out a way to support me and my kids. I wanted to be a midwife. I thought. That's why.
But really- I would have actually perhaps used a degree in English, as against-common-sense as that sounds. I did use my nursing degree a bit. When I worked at the Birth Center as a birth assistent. But beyond that, NO WAY!
And every two years I have to go through this ridiculous farce of continuing education requirements and I HATE IT! I pick out a course in a catalog, I get the book and the quiz and I sit down and I do it. First I have to take a course on medical errors for nursing. State law. Okay. Here's what I learn from that: Going to a hospital is about the riskiest thing you can do.
Do you have any idea how many people die or are disfigured or crippled or experience something horrible and hideous every year from medical errors?
No. You do not.
And you don't want to know.
So beyond that, I have done CEU's in things as varied as neonatal nursing, L&D nursing, the use of alternative herbs and treatments, mindfulness (don't ask me how they slipped that one in as a valid choice), women's health, and I don't know what all. So this year, I picked gerontology. The name of the book is Gerontological Nursing and Healthy Aging.
Here is what I've learned so far from that:
Aging is never healthy. And even when it is, slightly, it's disgusting and scary.
Okay. I'm probably not focusing on the positives. It's hard, though, when they are so few and tucked so far between the awful realities of all of the things that happen as we age. I mean, really? Why? Why do we have to age? So we can die? Okay. I'd just as soon get that over with without the aging part. I mean, I already knew this intuitively but now I know it from actual medical fact. Everything leads to constipation and pain and a decrease in cognitive functioning and BIG OLD EARS WITH BRISTLY HAIR (mostly if you're a man), and every damn organ and system you have goes wonky and the drugs they give you to help you out with these things cause MORE CONSTIPATION and all of the other problems too until I don't know how they can tell the difference.
Give me a convertible and show me a cliff.
Here's the deal:
If you eat the proper amount of the right foods and stay engaged in life and exercise regularly and most importantly, have the right genes, you'll be better off.
Then it's all going to go to hell anyway.
I've done 61 out of 174 questions. That took me hours. Most of the answers I actually know just from, well, common sense and some degree of nursing knowledge. But some are tricky. So you can't just think you know the answer without finding it in the book to verify it.
Oh well. I think I've gotten through all the constipation questions. Next comes bladder function. I can't wait. I've cheated and looked ahead to the end which is all about grieving and palliative care. Are you surprised?
Okay. Mr. Moon's gone to auction. Someone actually needs a car. I think I'm going to make my supper and get to bed early. I've been enjoying doing that. Getting up early, too. Getting my walk in before it's so hot you can fry eggs on the asphalt. And then hit the ol' CEU trail again. I intend to finish that shit up and get it in the mail although why I think I need to renew that nursing license is beyond me. I guess it's just pride or something ridiculous like that.
But this course- gerontology? It's making me think that we need to make the most use of the good years we have. Which leads to me wondering why in hell I'm doing this when I could be doing something else. Anything else, to be honest.
Oh well. Keeps me out of the pool halls.
I was going to end by giving you a quote on what happens to a woman's reproductive system after menopause but after rereading it, I think I'll just go shoot myself.
Yours In Continuing Medical Education...Ms. Moon