Thursday, May 19, 2011

Tiny Pearls But Not Of Wisdom

I lied. There was a necklace of my mother's I wanted. Can you see it? It's a tiny add-a-pearl necklace she got as a child and somehow, no one added any pearls after a certain point but I think it is perfect, the way it is. It still has the original box and I remember that from my childhood so clearly.

She let me wear the necklace when I was a little girl for special occasions.
So I have taken that and one more thing- my childhood book of the Wizard of Oz which has the most fantastic pictures in it and which throw me right back to my girlhood with lightening-bolt like power. And it was mine, she bought it for me, and it is precious to me, although I had completely forgotten it.

I think this is going to be okay. The place where she is going to live is so light and and there's going to be enough room for at least some of her treasured pieces of furniture and hell, she needs to get rid of a bunch of stuff anyway. Clothes she never wears, papers with no more meaning, old sheets and towels and shoes and all the stuff we collect that none of us needs and should all get rid of, no matter our age. But it all worries her so, as does everything now. I think that once the move is made and she is cozy in her new place and can figure out her new routine, all will be so much better for her. It has to be a huge struggle, trying to maintain the facade of not-forgetting when it is obvious to herself that she is.
Oh. She is.

And it all sort of makes me want to to get rid of everything I have. The junk. Oh my god, the junk I own. It's time, I see, to start going through it now. Get rid of it before it becomes someone else's problem, or a shadow to darken my life.

I just want to say that I am married to the dearest man in the world. Mother trusts him so much and wants him to be her power of attorney. She knows he can and will do what must be done. And he is so tender with her. Reassuring and comforting and practical and sensible. Things which would put me in bed with worry, he takes onto his broad, strong shoulders and says, "Not a problem."
That man.
Oh. That man.

And now Owen is coming, that little man, and we'll have a day and most of a night to play with him. Maybe I'll show him my Wizard of Oz. He won't understand the story, but the pictures are magnificent on their own.

And I feel so much more comforted. So less lost in space. As with Mother, the transitions are what are so hard. The seemingly-impossible becomes doable. Especially with a man like Mr. Moon around. And I swear, I will do all I can to help my mother. To help her let go of things she really doesn't need any more and hasn't used in years anyway. To help her feel as good about that as she possibly can. She wants my children to come over and take what they want and I am thinking we should have a little cake-and-ice-cream party and we can help her go through things. Whatever we can do to make it easier for this next part of her life.

It's not going to be easy, but when it is all done, it will have been so worth it.
My brother started the hard work and we shall continue it.

We will all need this sort of help unless we are lucky enough to keel over or die in our sleep or get hit by a bus.
Well. Sort of.

Speaking of which, as Mother and I were pulling out of the parking space at the grocery store a man in a huge red truck banged into me. I got out of the car, he rolled his window down and said, "I didn't hit you."
Excuse me?
Such a blatant lie. And then he proceeded to tell me that the dent he'd made in my car had been there already- he'd seen it in his rear-view mirror before he backed into me.
I don't think so.
I called Mr. Moon (what else?) and he told me to get the guy's name and numbers and I did and then also wrote down his license plate number and a description of the truck and hey- I have a witness! My mother. Who told the guy that yes, he did most certainly hit us.

Life is so funny. Even when it doesn't make you laugh. At first.

Be well, y'all. My spirit feels lighter and I hope your spirits are all as light as they can be today.

And that we can all look back and laugh some day. That we are not so burdened by things that we cannot use whatever wings we have at our disposal, even if we have to get a magnifying glass and a mirror to find them.


  1. When my neighbor Evelyn died (maybe 4 years ago) and I watched her daughter (also a Mary) do the very hard work of going through her things and emptying the house, I told myself that I would get rid of all the *things* so Maya wouldn't have to do what I watched Mary do.

    I haven't done it yet.

  2. And I'm glad you found some things that give you a good feeling and the ice cream and cake party sounds like a great idea.

  3. I'm glad things are currently going ok for you with your Mother responsibilities. That was nice to read.

  4. I'm down for cake and ice cream. Also, that guy's a douche.

  5. "Get rid of it before it becomes someone else's problem, or a shadow to darken my life..."

    The words I should spray paint on our garage door.

  6. I am so glad you have Mr. Moon. Such a doll, that man.

    My fucking Check Engine light came on at lunch today. My car is going into the shop on Monday. It has been quite a damn day. They are finally promising us some sun tomorrow. I may go LOONY with joy!

    I am glad you are relieved about the Moms situation. I do worry.



  7. Hank is right. Dude is a BIG FAT DOUCHEBAG LIAR. He's also probably a republican. When the Moms and I want to really insult somebody, we call them a damn republican.

  8. I'm glad that at least some of that burden has been lifted from your shoulders. This aging-parent thing is so hard.

    The necklace is great and so are the memories connected to it, but I just LOVE that box!!!

    YAY to Mr. Moon and a big BOO to that asshole who ran into your car!

    Time to go think about maybe cleaning out my closet and maybe actually getting rid of some stuff, but like Stephanie, I've often had that idea before!

  9. Oooooh, an add-a-pearl necklace. I've wanted one of those since I read Judy Blume's 'Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself' when I was a girl.

  10. So glad you are finding some happy pearls to salvage from your childhood, even if they are tiny and incomplete, they do shine.

    That Moon Man is a stand up guy in stark contrast to the Jerk in the Truck. So glad you are hooked up with the former and not the latter.

    Maybe Jessie can use some of the furniture from your Mom for her new house?

    Love to you all. xo N2

  11. Yes. What N2 said.

    I quoted you recently: I was in conversation about the ever-elusive trait of "vulnerable." I said, "Ms. Moon shows us every day what vulnerability looks, sounds and feels like." I admire that trait of you.

    You are on a completely new journey with your mother. Because your Love and Healing you are doing this chapter with grace and pizazz. Bravo. ((even when you might not think so, too.))

  12. I'm glad you're okay. That asshole. I had someone bump into me on purpose because I brake checked him because he was tail gating me. He was too close for me to get his license plate but I bet I almost made him stroke out since we were at a red light (I slowed down enough for the light to turn) then put on my 4 way blinkers and pretended that my car had stalled because I can be evil too. What I meant to say is that I am glad to come here and see what adults do in real life.

  13. And St. Glinda. Of course. I worshipped her and still do.

  14. i third the vote that that dude is a douche...


  15. Dearest Mary, oh I'm so glad that's done.

    Mr Moon is AMAZING!

    Love your necklace and your dungarees. Wizard of Oz is another favourite of mine, how lovely that you found your original copy.

    I used to go to my friend's houses and do what we call 'Life Laundry' I sort out every single cupboard, drawer, whatever until they only have beautiful, practical or sentimental things left. That's it.

    I'll help you when I come to America if you like. It's so dull doing it on your own. I did myself last year. I had a LOT of tea breaks as it gets a bit overwhelming! It's fun when two do it and the most satisfying thing ever. Everything feels lighter somehow.

    Love you xx

  16. Stephanie- Maybe we should start a blogger throw-away project. One week we could go around and throw out all the electronic connecting devices we no longer use. The next, old magazines. Etc. I will think about this one.

    Jill- She just so obviously needs help.

    DTG- No kidding on douche guy! Cake and ice cream!
    And end tables!

    Lisa PR- I'm sure your neighbors would appreciate that.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- You worry as much as I do. We should get our own check-engine lights turned off. Mr. Moon says that most of the time that check-engine light is BOGUS and they just turn it off. He put black electrical tape over mine. I am not kidding you.

    lulumarie- We humans are just hoarding creatures, aren't we? Damn.

    silverfinofhope- It's so sweet.

    N2- Jessie can definitely use some of Mother's things and Mother will definitely give them to her.

    Laura- Well, like I said, she just so obviously needs help and she is very grateful for it which makes it so much easier.

    Radish King- Hell's bells. If I'd had the balls of a gnat I would cursed that douche dude down into the pavement. I believe the term, "lying sack of shit" would have applied nicely.
    You would love this copy of Wizard of Oz. You truly would.

    Mrs. A- Prime No. 1 Douche bag.

    Christina- I swear. I am going to do it. And when you come you can help! I want to feel lighter! Oh yes, I do.

  17. I'm so happy for you that things went better than planned. I'm hoping the same for myself. Somehow it's the anticipation of the event that's the worst.

    The pearls are so delicate. I'm glad there were a few things in your mother's home that held good memories for you.

    And how wonderful you have that glorious Mr. Moon to step right up and handle things. Just think how great this world could be with a few more like him walking around.

  18. I know what you are going through. I cleaned out the home place in Virginia, moved my parents to SC, and then when my father died, moved all my mother's stuff to a retirement home and then to assisted living after that. Everything got downsized more and more with every move. We got all the antiques, oriental rugs, etc. But there was a lot of stuff that we gave away up in Virginia. I don't know how we did it all, but we got through it. You will be okay. And so will your mother.

  19. I can't help you with the car crashy thing.

    But I can tell you that you should wear those Pearls Proudly.

  20. I don't ever comment but I read your blog often and your words are always so perfect. My family recently had to go through this with my grandma because she has the dreaded Alzheimer's. The decision to move her was a quick one because the home we liked for her had an immediate opening. She fretted until the move, but once she got to the home she was a different woman. She had turned so bitter and accusing when she lived alone and never left the house. But now that she's there she has become little miss social butterfly. I hope this is true for your mother too. My mom visited her every day for the first week and made sure to have my grandma get involved with the activities and this helped make the transition easier. I don't know if that would work for you, but it might ease any fears your mother might have. Good luck with it all. It is challenging and frustrating, but in the end it is the right choice.

  21. You're such a beautiful daughter and person. You're stunning.


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