Monday, May 9, 2011

Hello, Good-Bye, Do I Need A Bra?

I think I've hit a wall with emotions. I think I've hit a wall with a lot of things. But definitely emotions.
Jessie just pulled out of the driveway, her car packed to the gills. She's off to North Carolina today, will be with her sweet boy in their new house tonight. And tomorrow Mr. Moon and I will be taking the truck up with a trailer behind us to haul beds and a rose plant and I have no idea what all. We'll be looking like the Beverly Hillbillies.

My brother Russell is coming this afternoon so he can visit while my brother White is here, visiting with Mom. They've been going around to assisted living places, checking them out, trying to figure out what Mom's next step in living arrangements will be. She doesn't want to leave her furniture. Her dad's this, her grandmother's that. I think she is focusing on those things and I don't blame her. Maybe she can get in-home care. We'll see. The idea of having someone cook for her is spectacularly appealing right now. She's tired of cooking. I don't blame her.
But of course, we'll be gone while Russell is here.
I'm just giving the fuck up on trying to make anything perfect. Hell, I'm giving the fuck up on trying to make anything anything.
I'm at the point where I just want to ask when to show up and where and do I need a bra? That's about all I'm capable of.

Hank came out for Mother's Day and Jessie was here. Lily had to work, May did too. But it was all good. Hank gave me one of his writing pieces that tore my heart right in two. It was so damn beautiful, what he said. It made me feel like maybe, just maybe, I've done okay. At least a little. Jessie gave me Paul Simon's new CD. Papa gave me a huge bottle of gin that I put a serious dent in. And a card. And a magnolia blossom. And a bromeliad. The traditional Mother's Day Bromeliad and bottle of gin. Does the man know me or what?
And he built new trellis for the beans with bamboo and fencing. He's like the perfect man or something. I swear.

I made pizzas and Kathleen brought over pasta salad and some of her Zen cookies. They're called Zen cookies because they have everything in them. All-in-one, all-is-one.
Jessie took a bunch for the road and pizza too.

By nine o'clock I was ready for bed. By ten-thirty, I was asleep.

Sleep is one thing I can still do quite well. I am capable of good sleep. I can still cook and sleep. Yes. Those are things I can do.

And take care of my grandson. He'll be here soon, soon, and boy is he going to get some loving today.

Otherwise, just tell me when and where to show up. And if I need to wear a bra.

Sorry for this disjointed piece of crap writing. It's not even writing. It's spitting my thoughts out in a completely random fashion.

Consider the source. Consider that she's hit an emotional wall. Consider that maybe she's crying a little bit. Consider that all things considered, she's doing okay.

Consider that. And that she feels like a woman who has done her job and still has work to do. Which makes her very happy.

On to laundry. Which I can still also do.

We shall survive. Mr. Moon and I keep hugging each other, knowing that here we are. We are here. Together. And we're holding on and we're hanging in and here we go- off to North Carolina tomorrow and off on this new part of our lives.

It's something. That wall will be busted through. The one that I've hit. I'll pull up my big-girl panties, put on a bra, and fly right through it. Or over it. Or maybe I'll just creep around it on hands and knees.


Good morning. It's Monday. Let us begin again.


  1. As long as you get over or around the damn wall, it doesn't matter you do it. Just make the trip.

    I love you so goddamn much.

  2. Just keep thinking about how happy Jesse is and how you raised her to be this beautiful independent woman and you've done a great job! You and Mr. Moon will get through this and it will get better. Meanwhile you have a boy to hug!

  3. spitting my thoughts out in a completely random fashion

    Dear beautiful Mary, that's what writing is and yours is funny and riveting and serious and all of it what it's supposed to be.

    I come here first thing every morning. I come here to find a center and to learn.


  4. Hey mamacita! I bet y'all are gonna have a blast in Asheville.

  5. yes, it is monday. let us begin....


  6. Ms. Moon, you do so many things well besides sleep. Loving your family is just the start. Thinking of you during this journey, and my eyes are tearing up too at all you must be feeling.

  7. Don't wear a bra for the drive tomorrow. I'm pretty sure Granny didn't wear one when they moved her to Beverly Hills.

    Jessie is moving to SUCH A BEAUTIFUL place! Throughout the years I have seriously considered moving there myself. You will have a wonderful new place to visit.

  8. I'm sorry to see you seeing your Jesse go away from home. I'm sorry that you're sad. Sending you love --

  9. I love that you captured that picture of Jessie and Mr. Moon. That look she has when you can tell she's been crying... well, it made me cry. I see myself right there in that picture about 20 years ago. We'll all be along with you on this journey Ms. Moon.

  10. Hi, darlin'

    Let go, let go, let go.

    You haven't lost Jessie.
    You still have Jessie, you'll still see Jessie, you'll still hug Jessie. Lucky you.

    Gotta give her a chance to grow on her own.

    Whenever I use the "Let go-Accept" mantras I realize that, until you let go, your hands are not free to "Accept"......comfort or new sources of love......or anything.

  11. All Mondays should be No Bras Allowed days.
    Just sayin.

  12. I've been in Miss Jessie's place-car loaded to the max and driving off to start something new; excited, happy, and sad all at once. What a mix of emotions.

    Hugs to you Ms. Moon. That girl is going to do great.

  13. Ms. Bastard-Beloved- Totally agree. I love you so goddamn much too. Seriously.

    Amna- Yep. And so forth.

    Lois- It's all going to be fine. I know that. Change is just hard.

    Madame King- Well. There is writing and then there is writing but having you say that makes me feel, oh, I don't know...completely better. I mean it.

    DTG- Yes. I imagine we will. Haha!

    Adrian- Hello! And yes, we will. We do.

    Jo- Hug back.

    Lora- I think I am at the point of not feeling a lot. Which is probably a defense mechanism and is OKAY!

    lulumarie- Haha! You KNOW Granny didn't wear one. All I need is a rifle and an apron and I'll be set! I can't wait to visit Asheville. EVERYONE says it's wonderful.

    Elizabeth- It is such a good thing. I know that. I really do.

    Jill- Thank-you. What would I do without all of you holding my hand? I do not know.

    Lo- You're right and I know it and I AM letting go. She will be right down the road. Relatively speaking. And more will rush in to take the place of all that I've been holding onto. I know that. You're wise.

    Lisa- ALL days should be no bras allowed days and when I become Queen of the World, they will be.
    This will happen right after the Rapture, so soon!

    Mel's Way- I think we all have been there and I know she will be great. She IS great.

  14. Hugs to all the Moon family, you and the Mister and Jessie, too. Hugs of joy and hugs of saying goodbye to this phase and hello to the next. You and Mr Moon are a good momma and poppa. The girl will do very well in her new home. Keeses! N2

  15. No, you don't need a bra. If I don't need one, neither do you.

  16. That is the most magnificent bean trellis. I love your man.
    You are doing fantastically, considering. Really, this is huge.
    Hang on there mama bear.
    It's going to be okay.

  17. Dearest Mary, you have no need to worry. You've done way more than okay. Give yourself a break. You're wonderful and we all love you xx

  18. It will be okay. I am thinking that old age isn't for sissies. I don't feel old but the years tell otherwise some days. Good luck on the trek to the mountains.


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