Monday, May 2, 2011
I was just going to take a picture of Pearl outside this evening. She was in the yard, trotting around, looking pretty fine for a dog who is as skinny as any abandoned bulldog.
And then she tried to come in and got stuck halfway in and halfway out of her dog door. She just laid there, looking helpless and confused and I helped her in and her old, thin skin must have torn because she has been bleeding tiny drops of bright red blood on the pine floors all through the house.
It is time.
It is time to help her go. I feel it. I know it.
Mr. Moon, as I have said, is out of town tonight and so I'll let her rest. I've given her so many treats today and she followed Owen around and it's not been a bad day for her. She was up almost all day yesterday, begging treats and taking the greetings and good-byes of everyone who came for the party.
If she goes tonight, it will be a blessing. If not, we'll have to call that vet, I guess.
I just feel.
I just feel it's time.
There is the matter of pain and there is the matter of dignity.
I don't know if she's in pain but to see her, lying with her boxer head and skinny lizard forearms through her dog door with her skinny lizard rib cage and hind legs lying helplessly behind was too sad.
She didn't know what to do.
And even though I helped her as gently as I could, it injured her, obviously.
Of what good is it for us to keep her alive when, if she were part of a pack, she would be long dead?
She is wolf and she is daughter, she is sister, she is friend and she is sentient being. She is wild and she is tame and we, who claim to have tamed her, owe her a painless, quick death.
I believe that.
Soon. It is time.
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Oh ms moon this is so hard. But you know Pearl and you know what is right. She was lucky to have you.ReplyDelete
As the loving guardians of animal souls, I know we know when it's time. They always tell us in their way.ReplyDelete
I am so sorry.
My Reiki healer told me the other day that she thinks pets were put on earth to love us unconditionally. They are here to rejoice with us and to grieve with us. They are here to shoulder our depression. And all they expect back is love. You are giving her that by making this awful bitter-sweet decision for her. Bless YOUR heart.ReplyDelete
omg all this family love and all this animal love and I am full of tears. I have been there, with the animal love, Ms. Moon. It is so hard, But I am glad you are there with her.ReplyDelete
I have to agree with you Ms. Moon.ReplyDelete
I always say that there is that moment that you look in their eyes and just know it's time.
In fact when I looked at her picture, I thought she was already gone.
Sending big hugs to you and Pearl.
Sending you and Pearl love from afar. That feeling of knowing is huge. And not that it makes it any easier, but you know.ReplyDelete
oh dear lady, oh dear lady-dog. my heart goes out to you---to all y'all in Lloyd.ReplyDelete
Oh, it's so hard, but there's no doubt.ReplyDelete
i m impressed on how focused and realistic you are even so pearl is so dear to you..most people dont see the sign..cant understand when its time...they try this and that..everything to keep their animals alive no matter what or no matter how the animal is...well...ready to go...those people think its only because they love their animals...but actually its just egoistic..the fact that you love pearl and still are willing to let her go when its time shows that you really respect her and cares for her...ReplyDelete
thinking of you and your pearl. when iwe went through this with guinness it was a difficult time. i wish i could do more than offer my support.ReplyDelete
Yes, it's time when you know it's time. And you're such a good dog-mother! She has been a lucky dog, she really has.ReplyDelete
With love comes this, but of course you'd never give up the love just to avoid the goodbye. You're a good doggy-mama (and person mama too!!). Did you know that by witnessing this goodbye with Pearl over the last months, you give me strength? To see a strong (yes you are!) woman be so focused and selfless, it teaches us all something.ReplyDelete
I am so sad about this. If she is telling you to let her go, then yes. If she rallies, then maybe not. I feel so much for Pearl. I imagine that she was a puppy, romping and playing. I wish that our animal friends did not have to go. My heart is sad.ReplyDelete
I trust your judgment on this, but it still makes my eyes well up. So far, this is a shitty week. This is just the rotten cherry on top of the shit sundae.
I look at my aging Maggie, so much silver in her chocolate face, her thinning haunches that won't allow her to climb into the truck cab anymore and then look again at Pearl and read your words. It isn't time yet for Maggie. The time for Contract, Amanda, Golda and Spunky Darlin' has come and gone. So much love. Many hearts are with you & Pearl during this passage.ReplyDelete
michelle- I am SUCH an imperfect dog owner. Mostly, we've been lucky to have her but yes, she's had a very, very fine life and an extraordinarily long one for a dog of her breed.ReplyDelete
Lisa- I think so too.
Birdie- You could be right about our pets' purposes in our life. I don't know. All I know is that we owe them something. That's for sure.
Michele R- It is hard. It feels presumptuous to say that the time has come. But. I think the time has come.
Mel's Way- I can't believe that her skinny old body is still hanging in. Seems impossible.
Kaitlin- Too true.
x-ray iris- Thanks, sweetie.
NOLA- Thank-you, too.
Danielle- I agree. And I am not so mushy-hearted about my pets. I admit that. Does this make me a bad dog-mama? I don't think so. I love you! Where have you been? Are you okay?
Mrs. A- You are doing more than you know. Thank-you, dear one.
Jo- She has had a GRAND life.
Jill- I doubt you could ever call me "selfless" if you truly knew me. But thank-you. I am really just trying to do the best for Pearl. She deserves that.
Syd- She seems to have rallied this morning but didn't want her dog food. She did, however, want cheese and peanut butter. Oh my.
Ms. Bastard-Beloved- I am so sorry, my dear love. I am so sorry.
Elizabeth- Thank-you. Hello! And thank-you.
No matter which way she goes, nothing will be easy about saying goodbye to an old friend who's body have given out. You've been so good to her. My heart is with you this week, knowing Pearl is in pain no more, and that her last days were filled with love. Hugs.ReplyDelete
Bless Pearl's heart. And yours too.ReplyDelete
When I'd had enough of nursing people, I quit them. I went to work at a vet's office because I felt more appreciated there at the time. It was my job to hold and pet them in the end when the owner couldn't be with them. It always seemed a very peaceful event. For the animal, at least. Much harder for the people.
I'd hug you today too, if I could.
Aww, sweet Pearl. It's so hard to realize that it's time. We had to do that for our cat, and it is so painful even if you know it's the right decision. Hugs to you.ReplyDelete
Oh yes, I believe dogs are all about unconditional love. Go in peace, sweet Pearl. I'm glad you enjoyed some cheese and peanut butter this morning!ReplyDelete
My heart is with Pearl and her human family.
They always tell us, and you obviously have the awareness to understand what Pearl is telling you. Seeing my animals to the other side have been my saddest, yet proudest and most peaceful memories. In peace my friend.ReplyDelete
Quick, painless. Yes.ReplyDelete
What a wonderful pup Pearl is. I remember her and her beautiful colors fondly. I am thinking of her and of you and of all of you and tearing up because I have made your decision one too many times in the past few years and although it is the best choice it hurts so much to let them go. They are so very worth it though. Every minute of heartache when we tell them goodbye is more than worth the years of companionship.ReplyDelete
Ohhh! That's so sad. Dear Pearl. You're right, you know when it's time. It's still so bloody sad though! Love you xxReplyDelete
Big hug to you. That's a tough time.ReplyDelete
Mel- She's completely rallied today. Good lord! Thanks, baby.ReplyDelete
Ms. Trouble- I would take one of your hugs any time. Giving peace to those in pain is god's work.
Lora- It IS hard, making that decision. I'd take your hugs too!
lulumarie- You are the sweetest, sweetest woman I know. Thank-you, baby.
Tamera- I appreciate those words an awful lot. Thank-you.
ZenGato- Hello! Thank-you for coming by and commenting with such sweet, true words! Pearl has been with us forever, hasn't she?
Christina- I think it's probably going to hit me harder than I think it is.
Mwa- And big, huge hugs BACK.
Yogi's ashes are in an urn at the foot of my big Quan Yin statue.
It's too hard for the heart to love this much.
you said that just right.ReplyDelete
the way you've cared for her makes me love you even more.
It takes courage to let a loved one go. I believe it is time too Mrs Moon, I thought she passed when I saw the picture. Loving an animal means letting go as you say when dignity is a question mark. She had a good life and she will have a good death. We owe that to our animals. (To people too but that is another discussion).ReplyDelete
I am sure she will go to dog heaven!