Thursday, December 23, 2010

Day Before Christmas Eve

For some unknown reason, Owen has developed a huge affection for Elmo. He thinks my computer is an Elmo delivery system. He points to it and says, "Melmo!"
And he crawls up onto my lap and I find Elmo videos on Youtube and we watch them together.
So when I found a huge Melmo gift bag at the Dollar Store I bought it to put Owen's presents in. He'll probably love the bag far more than the presents.

Good morning. It's chilly here but as bright as can be. The golden leaves from the Bradford Pear swirl in the breeze and fall to the ground and my back yard is all glory with it. I have things to do today that if I made an actual list of them, would take four index cards. Will I get them done? Who knows? Who really cares?
Not me.

I'm thinking of all the people inside of me. All the Marys of all the ages and it's no wonder I wake up confused some days. Who AM I? Am I the grandmother, the mother, the wife, the friend, the crazy teen girl who did acid on Christmas Eve, the serious mother who stayed up late, late, finishing quilts with names on them, the grandmother who will have her boy all day on Christmas Eve, the little girl who went to bed on Christmas Eve praying, praying for her daddy to miraculously show up, that other little girl who played Mary in the church nativity, the wife who makes the Christmas Eve chicken salad, the wife who hosted the families, the sister who welcomed the brothers, the woman I am now who is all of these?

Ah yah.

I have a refrigerator full of meat, some sent from Texas, smoked and sauced and also raw chicken, ready to cook to turn into Mr. Moon's mama's chicken salad and I have a quilt to make and presents to wrap and the store to go to and what am I doing sitting here?

Gotta go. Gotta harness all these Marys and get it done, everything inside swirling like the leaves in the back yard, Melmo looking on with glee.


  1. Ahhh, the many me's conundrum. I have that one too, like I'm caught in a time warp, or a twisted game where my young mind ended up in this old body. I try not to think about it all and just keep putting one foot in front of the other and see where I end up.
    I love the Elmo bag. There is something universal that kids love about Elmo. My daughter still loves him at 13, and she has quite a collection. We found an Elmo backpack pillow thing at an outlet store that is functionally useless, but is her favorite.
    You have much to do, and I hope it all goes well. Hope your chicken salad is wonderful, hope you get lots of hugs and kisses from Owen and everyone else this Christmas.
    Hope you are happy, peaceful and rested forever and ever, amen. XO

  2. You hopped on and off the computer and wrote a brilliant post like this? You are one talented Mary. And you make my day.
    P.S. I don't want to write down my to-do list either.

  3. All kids love Melmo. It's written in the kid handbook. I think it's because really they can sense that the voice of Melmo is created by a man who looks a lot like Mr. T. I think they like the irony! hee hee!

    It sounds like you are doing pretty good this season. That makes me happy. You know if you want a rapping partner, I'm happy to come over and consume some martinis and wrap with you! We can listen to Lon and Lis or maybe some Beatles. Could be fun...?

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  5. you really hit a wondering daily who I am, who I might be today....who I was....and now everyone has gone to where they are going this christmas and my throat feels sore, as I thought it might on the eve of christmas eve....time to break out the meds and the hot toddies....I will not go down this year!!

  6. If I were you, I would just focus on the joy of Owen's first Christmas and fuck the rest.

    I love chicken salad. That has to do with damn nothing, but there you go.

    I will talk to you over the holiday. We shall drinketh mightily and maybe cry or, I hope, LAUGH.


  7. Do it to it, mama! I've got to figure out how to finish these presents and I am DONE.

  8. I feel completely ripped off that there was no Elmo when I was small and watching Sesame Street. I'm just gay-friendly from all the time with Bert and Ernie.

  9. I love the harness line too, and I get trying to figure out still who you might be, all those Marys. Don't forget this one, the one who sits here and writes to us, connects, delights, deepens. She seems to me like all the Marys harnessed. Good luck today with your index cards. I'm at my cleaning job, then off to work till nine, then 3 days off. Yay.
    Love you and let me just say, I sure am grateful to have this place to come for a dose of comfort and joy.

  10. You probably already know but just in case, you can go to and click on the Sesame Street link and then play an Elmo Game!!

  11. I'm reading you instead of doing what I need to be doing. And, really? You need to make a quilt today?

  12. I wish I had multiple me's; I unfortunately only have this one and it is causing trouble.

    Hellmo is a force of nature for kids this age; use sparingly.

  13. Mel- Yes. We are all all of ourselves. It's odd, isn't it?

    Michele R- I don't even dare make the list.

    Ms. Fleur- I'm still quilting. But thanks.

    Ms. Young- DO NOT GO DOWN! Yep. Meds and toddies. Sounds like a plan.

    Ms. Trouble- And they're a hard bunch to harness.

    Ms. Bastard- I do not need to write that one down to remember it. I'm so looking forward to this.

    DTG- I thought you WERE done.

    NOLA- Do you guess that Burt and Ernie had more to do with the repeal of DADT than anything else?

    Bethany- You, my dear, are precious. Please do consider yourself hugged and hugged.

    Rebecca- Now I know!

    Elizabeth- Yes. It is a must.

    Magnum- He uses his powers for good.

  14. I am just who I am on the day. I strive for the authentic mean whatever that is at that moment that feels right. I am not a father (thank God), or a grandfather, or yearning to be one. I am a husband and friend who is working daily on being just those two things, with a bit of pirate and adventurer thrown in for good measure. How's that? I agree with SB--enjoy the kids and don't worry about all the other stuff.

  15. What is it about Elmo, or Melmo in this case, that captivates children...who knows. I can't remember being captivated by anything like that when I was a kid but I'm sure I was.

    It truly is a battle everyday to reconcile all the people in our heads...and then there's the what I should do, what I want to do and what I have to do struggle too. That last one I really dislike.

    Have fun with Owen. He's going to have a blast! Wish I could try some of the chicken salad. It sounds divine.
    Love, Mel

  16. Again and again, Happy Christmas Ms Moon. Enjoy your Owen and all the rest over the season.


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