Painting by German Rubio
Oh no. I wish I could come around and enjoy the zebrawings and the firespike and the chickens with you. I'm here virtually!
I have found that, rather than try to talk yourself out of the darkness (that 'fake it till you make it' crap just pisses me off!), sometimes just riding the wave makes more sense. I usually give myself two days. If I'm not feeling it by the third day, I have a little talk with myself. If I'm still not feeling it, we argue until one of us gets our way. LOL! Ms. Moon, I wish you light!
Sending gentle hugs.
November and December can be pretty dark for me...I thank all the stars that the little flickering light buried inside has always sprung up again... may it do so for you soon! I paint shit on my walls and ceiling while listening to world music in the meantime...the music is cool cause I don't understand the words so they don't irritate me...the leaves on the living room ceiling are slowly multiplying. Hugs, Carroll
oh hon. here, take my hand. i love you dearly.
I think as connected as you are to the universe you are reflecting the collective soulful despair passionate people feel when unreasonable hatred is unleashed in the world. Our refuge lie in the beautiful babies that surround us and the sparkling promise of the joy they bring. I drink in that raptures as often as the mommies( my daughter's ) bring them to me.
I do believe that because I feel the good things so intensely that I also feel the bad things intensely. Music, art and just the everyday beauty around me brings me so much joy. But the bad. The bad in life brings me to my knees. It immobilizes me. It makes it difficult to breathe and suffocates the beauty. The shitty thing is it is always there, even in the times of joy it stands behind me, like the death figure. But when I am experiencing the dark times joy is not around at all. I have been reading (or rather listening to) a book called Uncovering Happiness. It is not only about Mindfulness but Self Compassion and the two working together. It is the only thing in all my years of battling this illness that makes any sense. It is a lot of work though and sometimes it is just too much work and on those days I just stay home. Which, I guess, is self-compassion.Anyway, I am rambling on. Ms. Moon, I love you so much. Even as I write this I have tears in my eyes. You are on of my soul sisters that have helped me more than you could possibly know through my own illness. You know. You know and you knowing is the biggest possible help anyone can do for someone. And so I send to you a, "I know, dear one, I know." And this dark day is just one of many and it will pass and it will come back again. But there will be those days of light in between. Take special care of yourself today. Do whatever you need to do to get through. I will leave you with this quote from Doctor Who. It is from the episode called, Vincent and the Doctor. It is about Vincent Van Gogh and his battle with depression. Actually, if you have it on Netflix I encourage you to watch it today. It will make you cry in a good way. Season 5, Episode 10 "The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant."
Ah Mary, I'm here sending you love.
Chin up dearheart
I know the feeling. This too shall pass. - Aspen
Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.