The sun is setting and I have bread rising which is not unusual BUT when the bread is done, I am going to LEAVE LLOYD BY MYSELF AT NIGHT and drive to Lily and Jason's house for supper.
I would be lying like a dog if I didn't admit that I'm more than a teensy bit anxious about this.
This is ridiculous. I could probably make that drive in my sleep. What do I think is going to happen?
Well, truthfully, a deer could run out and hit me. That's happened to a lot of people I know who drive the country roads around here.
But that's not really it at all and the anxiety has no basis in reality. It's more a thing of just not being home when it's dark that disturbs me. I like my walls around me, my silly stuff. My totems- madonnas, mermaids, twinkly lights, old lamps with their cozy glows.
But I want to do this. I want to go to Lily's and eat supper and see my boys.
I had such a good time with Lily and Gibson and Hank and Vergil and Jessie and August today.
August gave me one of his little smiles and my heart broke into a million pieces and scattered the universe with love.
I swear. Did you feel it?
Okay. I can do this. No big deal. The car has headlights. Everything will be here when I get back. I'll get to hang out with Owen and Gibson.
It'll be fun. I know it will be.
And I won't die.