Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Power Comes And Power Goes

When Hank was a little bit of a redheaded boy, he used to say he was "trinky and tronkey" when he was thirsty which just charmed me to pieces and indicated his life-long love of words and language. I thought about that today when I went to get my Bio-Identicals. I am taking them in the form of something called a troche. Which is pronounced Tro-key. You can get a cream form too but I went for the melt-in-your-mouth option, not quite realizing that melt-in-your-mouth doesn't necessarily have anything to do with deliciousness.
Oh well.
It's like a gummy thing that you put between jaw and gum and allow to dissolve and it doesn't taste bad. Not at all.

I am doing this with no great hopes but I am doing it also with with the idea of possibility. What if? What if I not only felt better but could also sleep through the night because I no longer have hot flashes?
I can't even imagine that after at least a dozen years of suffering through them and Lord, just in time- it's about to be summer.
The very idea of having a night's unbroken sleep is so foreign to me now that it's almost like some strange Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea dream. Just that- a whole night's sleep without waking every few hours (at least) with a hot flash could change my outlook a whole hell of a lot for the better.
Well. We shall see.

So I went to town today and got my troches and to the library where I did not have any overdue fines and to the art store for a new journal. I love art stores. I love walking the aisles and thinking about other lifetimes when I may be or may have been the sort of person who buys or bought pastels and paints and canvases. I have squat artistic ability but just the idea of it makes me shiver. I did take an art class in the eighth grade and we used an acrylic paint called Liquitex and I saw today that they still sell it. I knew that if I opened a tube of that stuff and smelled it, it would be such a Proustian moment. Even the idea of it reminded me of my art teacher who at times would break down in tears in class for no apparent reason and yet, I loved her a little. She had red hair and big bosoms and she was so sweet and never told me the obvious, which was that my paintings SUCKED! I don't remember her name but I remember her quivering bosoms.
I remember what a tube of Liquitex smelled like.

Well, I only bought the journal and I went to the New Leaf where I am always afraid I'll run into someone I know from the past whom I do not want to see, some old hippie like me and I did not. I did, however, run into a friend of my kids' whom I adore and he looked so good and we chatted in the aisle. I was completely devastated to realize that my Billy was not working- all day I had either thought it was Tuesday or Friday and switched back and forth in those realities until I was hit with the truth that it was Wednesday which is Billy's day off.
Well, Togi's hugs were good too and I was glad to see him.

Then I went to Costco and to Publix and bought food to take to the island and then I came home and just in time! The skies parted and the rain fell down and the thunder and lightening split the sky and when I pulled in, I noticed that a large branch had fallen off the old, dead water oak in the front yard.

Ominous-looking, huh?

But the branch is quite nice and I think I shall drag it to a shady place and use it as a planter for impatiens this summer as it is hollowed out longways.

That sign? Oh, well, that's a whole other Jefferson County issue and I may write about it one of these days but for right now let me just say- Say NO To Nestle Water! Protect The Wacissa River!

And then of course the power went off, not related to MY branch, and I made a pot of coffee in the old percolator that Lis gave me on the gas stove

and I got out my beloved fountain pen (that Lis gave me!) and inked it up and coaxed a flow from it and wrote a bit in my new journal and drank coffee and plugged in my old phone that doesn't need power and I was happy. And the power came back on and Mr. Moon got home and all is well.

A day. A new, possible lease on life, a tiny trip to an island planned and shopped for, a new journal, new ink-stains on my fingers, a venison loin in the oven with bacon and apples and onions. Brown rice is simmering on the stove and all I have to do is make a salad and the rain is still coming down.

Phew. Some people fly across continents and oceans in one day and arrive to their destinations with vigor and folders full of papers which shall change lives and move mountains and rearrange the courses of rivers in their beds but me? If I get the laundry done and manage to get to the library and grocery stores, it has been an amazing day.

I am not Hillary Clinton and I am not Nelson Mandela. I am not Bill Gates and I am not Liz Gilbert. I am me, Mary Moon, and every night when I lie in my bed, waiting for that sweetest sleep to overtake me, I breathe in and out and am learning that when I concentrate on my breathing there is nothing at all I have to worry about or even think about. I can pull my consciousness back to in-and-out of air and it helps.

A good day. A day of fullness and as much as I need.

I hope yours was too.


  1. i love the rhythm of you in my life.
    the breathing in and breathing out.
    may you find an entire night of delicious sleep.

  2. A sort of haunting beauty...

    life is like that sometimes I suppose.

    you are going to have a wonderful time..

  3. "You can get a cream form too but I went for the melt-in-your-mouth option, not quite realizing that melt-in-your-mouth doesn't necessarily have anything to do with deliciousness.
    Oh well."

    Brilliant! And very funny.

    Seriously, try the lavender oil. I couldn't believed it worked for me after taking pills. I wish you a well deserved sleep dear Ms Moon xx

  4. Sounds like a great day to me. A and I like to cruise the art supplies. She reminisces about her art school days and we wonder why we don't paint/draw like we used to.
    Please post a photo of the tree branch after you plant flowers in it and they grow so lovely in the FL heat.

    In just the last few years, I've come to understand how important a full night's sleep is. Hoping you can find a way to get some restful sleep for a change.
    Have a wonderful trip.

  5. It was a good day, with rain tonight. I had marine electronics class where we got to practice on the VHF. It was a trip for those who had not done it much. Syd out.

  6. Beautiful post. I do hope you get rid of those hot flashes. It seems right about time, doesn't it?

    Trinkey nad Tronkey is beautiful. Dade was playing games with his feet the other day, they were called Tiss and Toss and one was good and one was bad. Good Foot, Bad Foot.

    I wonder which was which, and was the bad one the left one? I should have checked.

    Evil Nestle in so many ways, hey?
    Another reason to boycott the fuckers.

    I love art supplies. So sensuously gorgeous.

    Collage is great for arty people without artistic talent! Make little pictures in your journal from all the ads and pics in your magazines.

  7. My day was pretty good despite the fact that I turned another year older, but my kids took me out to dinner and that was so wonderful!

  8. rebecca- I will miss you this weekend. Oh yes. I will.

    deb- Oh, I hope so!

    Christina- The other night when I washed my sheets I finished them in the dryer with lavender oil. It was lovely!

    Mel's Way- You have no idea how precious sleep is until it doesn't come uninterrupted. I'll post pictures of the flowers when it happens. You know I will.

    Syd- Don't you get into any trouble while I'm gone. You're such a wild man and you need my steady hand to keep you on the straight and narrow. (Hahahahahaha!)

    Jo- I love you. Just that.

    Lois- Happy Late Birthday!

  9. It was a good day for a damn hump day, thank you.

    If you DID run into someone from your past at the art store, they would be DAMN LUCKY to see you. They would be BLESSED. So says I.

  10. I am "aahhhhaaa" that you write in a journal..I don't know why I should be, except you are so prolific with online blogging. Oh I long to be able to write more! I just can only carve out a bit of time here and a bit of time there.

    Sleep. This past year I have actually had 2 times that I slept all night! It was a gift and it felt so right and so good! I still get night sweats though not awful ones. Not like 3 or so years ago when I would wake up drenched. No, this is just a puff of heat, lift the covers, allow the cool night to seep over me, then whisk the layers back one at a time.

    And Christina @ Fashion's Most...Lavender oil? Hhhhmmm. might try.

  11. Don't you love it when the power goes off and you still have the power to make some cofee?!!?! The Wacissa river is an incredible place. have you ever canoed from the headwaters to Goose Pasture? Great adventure and would convince anyone that this river is worth saving, but I must ask; from what? Have a great day!

  12. Ms. Moon it makes me laugh today to think that we both have sleepless nights, and that we both concentrate on our breathing to make fears, anxieties, too many thoughts, go away. I'm just assuming that's what you're doing too. And today I cooked a meal with bread and a salad and I felt I had succeeded at the day. If I didn't have OCD I'd probably have chickens.


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