Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Hi. My Name Is Chicken Little

God. I need an Ativan. Or is it Atavan? Or maybe Atevan? Or perhaps...SERIOUS NARCOTICS!!!!

No. Not really.

Okay, I do.

Nah, nah. I don't.

(Got any narcotics?)

No, no. I am fine. The reason for my anxiety is that I just got on the phone and made TWO appointments! And for those of you who do not really know me let me just say that I have a neurosis about making appointments, especially those of the medical kind and in the finest sense of the ironic, the main reason I need to make medical appointments is not for my physical health which is pretty darn good but for my MENTAL HEALTH BECAUSE I SUFFER FROM ANXIETY! And depression, but that's another story.

And my present doctor seems to feel that I need every type of test in the world before she will renew my antidepressant and okay, as a registered nurse, I can understand the necessity of some of that but as a person who feels that this is MY body and that I should be able to make the choice of having such tests that have nothing to do with my antidepressant, I just finally came to the conclusion that I need a different doctor.
Or in this case, a nurse practitioner whose office I just called and made an appointment with. They not only do doctoring but also deep tissue massage and nutrition and I don't know what all but I don't give a good fucking damn if they just don't freak me the fuck out every time I go see them and if they'll just give me my antidepressant.
I'm not looking for narcotics here, people. Not in real life. Only in this-is-sort-of-funny Blog Life.

So I talked to the person who answered the phone about this and she said that all I need from them is an annual physical and THANK-YOU, JESUS! and so on Friday I shall hopefully go and get that out of the way and get my 'script renewed and a layer of anxiety which has been blanketing me shall go away because I have less than a month's worth of those pills.

And I also called the woman who made me a redhead and made an appointment with her on that very same day to be re-redded and then that night I'll be Truvy and the next day I'll be Truvy twice and then, we're done with the play. Phew.
My god, I loved doing this part but I will be so glad when it's over, too.
In a way. In a way I'm going to miss it so much.
We've been working on it since Thanksgiving, y'all! Three nights a week and now the performances and I've loved it but the rest of my life has sort of fallen into neglect and for example- I am out of everything except for coffee and when I went to make my supper last night I gathered everything I had and thawed out a tiny deer tenderloin and made what I called, in my mind, "Hawaiian Venison," and yes, pineapple was involved and that did make it festive, as pineapple always will.

Okay. I'm manic at this point. I slept until nine, the dogs had shit and peed all over the house, I've made appointments, I've talked to two of my kids, the laundry is running, the potatoes will not plant themselves, I have to go to the grocery, I'm taking care of Owen for an hour this afternoon, and I'M GOING TO TAKE A WALK OR KNOW THE REASON WHY! And...we have our last rehearsal tonight.

You see? You see how it is?

Breathe in. Breathe out. The sky is not falling. And even if it is, if I take a direct hit, I won't know what hit me and that would be okay, too.

God, it's gorgeous here today. And in lieu of narcotics, I'm going to go take that walk. Yes. It's a plan. We all need one. And a grocery list.

By this time next week my entire life will be different. Again.

And so it goes, and so it goes, and yes, it goes again.


  1. yes.
    the sky is not falling...
    the snow here is melting. i walked my pre dawn walk and when i finished i read your comment and other warm regards and i cried, and cried some more.
    i don't really know what i would do without you.

  2. Oo, manic!

    I want a walk. I just can't seem to fit in the time. I wish these kids were out of the house til four today instead of one of them being home sick AGAIN and the granny minder being incapacitated with further health things too. I wish she was in her fifties like you instead of her seventies!

    I am bad.

  3. There will be some good parts to today. I am willing it so.

  4. Lois,
    I wish I had valium. Laugh.

    Ms. Moon,
    I am so glad you found a nurse practitioner. Terrific!

    You are busier than me, and I have a Viking, 7 cats, a diarrhetic dog, and a full-time damn job. Jesus.

  5. Oh mama, you make me laugh and nod and smile and sigh. I read your blog on my phone last night before sleep and I had the craziest dreams of you and your family. I think we were on vacation together. I needed to find as box of Nerds for Mr Moon. All very strange. But you were as sweet and wonderful as ever. You all just slipped right into my sunbconcious because your writing is so real and true. There are worse things. I'm happy to have you as a dream family.
    Okay, now I sound crazy.
    I'm so proud of you for making those appts. Believe me I totally get it!
    Gorgeous pictures yesterday. Thank you.

  6. Hang in there and if you are seeing a nurse with the initials EM, she will also write you a script for the Atavan. It will need approval from the Dr. though, as it is a controlled substance. She will likely ask you why you think you need it, but that's pretty much it.

    Call if you need anything till then. We're here. xoxo

  7. I see what morphine and oxycodone are doing for C. and hate it when she nods off. I think that a script to relieve anxiety is a good thing though. Lord knows, I feel as if I need one lately.

  8. If the nurse practitioner doesn't come through (god forbid), I'll send you some Diastat -- rectal valium.

  9. Lois- Lucky you!

    rebecca- Oh, sweetie. Oh...sweetie.

    Jo- If I were a granny minder in my seventies, I'd have health problems too.

    Lisa- There were lots for me! I hope for you as well.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- I don't need no stinkin' time card. Not me.

    Bethany- Sugar, I'm the crazy one in this room! You're so sweet. You can be part of our dream family any time you want. But for future reference- Mr. Moon would probably be searching for chocolate, not Nerds. Dark. Or maybe just a beer.

    Ms. Fleur- That's her. And really- all I want is my damn Lexapro. You're a sweetie.

    Elizabeth- Uh, I think I'll pass but THANKS! You're a real pal.

  10. I wish I could prescribe you that Ativan. Sadly, I am not a physician. But I am sending you my warmest thoughts and best wishes, and, of course, my love.

  11. and writing it out helps too.


  12. Dear Ms Moon, I feel like that somedays. I would go mental about the dogs. As for the narcotics just having a valium in the house is enough for me. Hope your last rehearsal went well xx

  13. I know what you mean. When I had my ectopic pregnancy and then the surgery, I couldn't sleep because I was so anxious and nervous, so they gave me some Temesta and it was like coming home to my best friend.


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