Sunday, March 6, 2011

Naked (Life In The Slow Lane)

All those pictures of me with make-up on? Those were lies. This is what I really look like.
Sunday morning. After sleep. Naked face and three cups of coffee into it.

This is what I look like.

People keep asking me if I'm going to keep the red hair. Probably not. Here's the deal with the red hair- it looks great when I've got the make-up on and the sass thing going but when I'm living my real life, my authentic, at-home life? It just looks absurd. And my real life is 99.9% of it. Let's face it.

But I sure have enjoyed it. But being sassy wears me out. Lord, Lord, it has worn me out. I noticed that Truvy even walked differently than I do. She walks with a butt twitch in her little red shoes whereas Mary walks with a slight hitch in her bare feet.
Ah. The magic of the stage.

So I woke up at nine and went to let the dogs out and noticed that there were many, many pees and poops in the house.
I went back to bed as any sensible person would do.
I slept until 10:16! This is a world record.

I got up and guess what? The dog poop and pee were still here. The phone rang just as I was swallowing my first sips of coffee. It was a friend who had seen the play last night and he wanted to tell me how much he enjoyed it. I was grateful for that and touched. I stood there in the hallway, surrounded by pee and poop and noticed there was a message on the answering machine and that a bird was flying around the house. I realized that a lot can happen when you sleep late. You miss things. Oh well. I called the island to see if the brave adventurers had made it. I thought I'd reached Jessie and rambled on for a few minutes until finally a very sweet woman said, "I think you have the wrong number." She sort of giggled.
Oh well. At least I didn't mention sex or underpants.

Then I called Mr. Moon's cell phone. His boat engine has blown up. Not blown up as in exploded in fire but blown up as in he thinks it is dead. Gone. Buried.
They almost had to swim the boat in the last two hundred yards. But they didn't. Someone towed them. Thank goodness. That water is cold and it was dark. And there are gators in the marina. I have seen them.
He is, most understandably, depressed.
"How are you going to get home?" I asked him.
"I'm working on that," he said. He didn't really want to talk about it.

Boats. I do not understand them.

So then I went out and gave the chickens some Buddha's Delight which I couldn't finish from yesterday's lunch. There actually is a Chinese place in Monticello that is not bad at all. And all of the newspapers are in Chinese so there's nothing to read there but that's okay. Anyway, the chickens had the choice of Buddha's Delight or their Layena or corn scratch but took off like shots for the cat food which is their favorite food. They ate it up, the cat standing there looking pissed off.
She's afraid of the chickens and I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to get between a hungry chicken and a bowl of Little Friskies. Uh-uh, not me.

I collected the bucket and mop and went around with paper towels and got up all the poop and mopped up the pee and called Kathleen and we rehashed and laughed and she's already making Zen cookies for tonight's cast party and has an entire day planned of auditioning people for the next play and cooking more food for the cast party and going to the cast party which is at five-thirty this afternoon.
Me? I'm sitting here with my feet up thinking about eating some bacon.
My hands smell like Fabuloso. Which is better than smelling like poop or pee.

I might have to drive to town to get something at the Costco because what I have here is mostly collard greens and venison and try as I might, I can't come up with an idea of a party-food out of that.
But...wait. Do I not have eggs galore? Perhaps a quiche is in order. No. Damn. Jan and Jack are bringing baby quiches. Heavy sigh. And Kathleen is making deviled eggs. With caviar. When she says she's an over-achiever, she ain't kidding.

Well, isn't it glorious to have nothing I HAVE to do except come up with a party food?
Oh yes it is. I am not an over-achiever. Not me. I am not an under-achiever, either, though. Maybe I'm just an achiever.

The Bradford Pears' blossoms are drifting to the ground, the white already being replaced with the green baby leaves. A spring snow storm of petals. There is bacon in the refrigerator. The washing machine is running. I am rested and well. My face is naked. My husband will surely figure out how to get home. We will have fun at the cast party. I think Owen will be here at six tomorrow morning. I can't wait.

Love, Sex and Underpants...Ms. Moon


  1. i love this view of you. i can just recognize a girl of sixteen with freckles. except there is so much wisdom, such a wealth of substance and depth i see a beautiful woman on a sunday morning.

    thank you for gracing mine.

  2. Remember the "coffee achievers?"

    I'm one of those.

    Happy Sunday to you.

  3. Frittata! Olive oil, eggs, onions, potatoes, peppers if you want. And soooooo good, warm or cold. Perfect party food.

    I don't think it looks ridiculous. I mean, naturally red haired people are tired and casual sometimes, and they don't have to hide it :)

    Thinking boaty thoughts for Mr M.

    I feel for you with the dog poo, Irelaly do, You should call Cesar whatsisname.

  4. Peace love and underpants right backatcha!

  5. you are beautiful.
    congrats on the hard work of the play.
    i got exhausted just reading about it.
    i am glad too all you have to do today is figure out a party food.

    i love your writing. i love the way you tell your day, your life.
    i know you know that but i like to tell you anyhow.
    you make me smile and sigh and nod in agreement.

    you are one of my favorite writers in the whole wide world.

    enjoy your day dear mm.

  6. your picture makes me want to kiss you all over your sweet beautiful face and makes me understand even more how mad crazy in love mr moon must be with you. of course if i actually MEET you i won't kiss you all over so don't let that deter you from meeting me. xo

  7. Maggie, I think she would be insulted if you did NOT kiss her all over her face :) :)

  8. Dear Ms Moon, you look great! If you're worried about the red growing out my advice is to have it tinted a natural blonde.

    Poor Mr Moon! What a pain!

    Have fun at the party and peace, love and underpants to you too xx

  9. I see the child and the teen and the new mother and the tender lover and the faithful friend and the hellraiser and the nurturer and everything in between in your naked face and it's just a beauty, that face.

  10. Oh the let down of waking up to poo and pee. You did the right thing by going back to bed, dealing with it a bit later.

    Eggs! Our hens are laying like crazy and we can't keep up by eating them so we share the 'wealth'! Angel food cake?

    Hair color...I say you do what YOU feel like and that is that. Because we all need to feel comfortable in our own skin, the one we know and not have to give double takes at the passing image in a mirror.

    I hope Mr. Moon does not have to paddle home...another tow?

  11. You're naked face looks relieved!

  12. Your naked face, I meant....

  13. rebecca- Oh that old face. I can't believe I put that picture here. But it is what it is. I am what I am.

    Lisa- Me too!

    Jo- I had no potatoes! I did the salmon and it was lovely.

    Ms. Fleur- And back again.

    Bethany- And you are a LIBRARIAN! Oh, I am humbled.

    Maggie May and SJ- SJ said what I was thinking.

    Christina- I think it will fade fairly quickly. It is not permanent. You're so precious. Thank-you.

    Angella- But what a nose!

    Ellen- Yes. We all need to feel comfortable in our own skin. And hair! And yes, Mr. Moon had to get a tow. He is so depressed.

    A- Oh, honey. It IS!

  14. You look authentic and still lovely. I hope that the cast party was fun. The pee and poop are not much fun. Fortunately, the dogs here don't do that unless there is a gastric upset of major variety.

  15. I like the "real" you just fine. Hope the party was fun. I'll bet it was.

  16. I so wish I could have seen you as Truvy. I watched Steel Magnolias last weekend and thought of you. I always cry. Did the audience?

    I understand just wanting the red to go is a lot of maintenance but you look lovely with it nonetheless.
    I'm sure whatever you choose to bring for the party will be delicious.
    I'll keep my fingers crossed that Mr. Moon's boat engine is fixable. There's always something!

  17. You are beautiful without make-up.

  18. Syd- The cast party WAS fun. And yes, that is my authentic face. Isn't make-up amazing?

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- You're too precious. I love you.

    Mel's Way- Yes. The audience audibly sobbed every night. I am not kidding you. There were Kleenex left all over that theater. I took a lovely smoked salmon with capers and goat cheese and green onions and olive taponade and nice bread. Yum.

    Lora- "Beautiful" if you mean old and weary and worn-out and yet...still here.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.