Thursday, September 10, 2015


I feel weepy and anxious today for no reason whatsoever and it makes me feel stupid because I'm a grown-up ("you're never grown-up") and it's only about a 3 on the old anxiety scale but even that's enough to make me feel horrible and today it's all combined with the tears trying to force their way out of my eyes and I took a walk and now I just feel worse even though this:

Also, stupid motherfucking dreams and I don't even know why I bother to go to bed, it's just one nightmare after another. I kept thinking, "I wish this was a dream and I could wake up."
Which, of course it was and eventually I did.


Anyway, hello. This too shall pass. 

Hurricane lilies:

How can anyone be morose when they live on a planet which produces things like this? 

Don't ask me.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Hugs, Mary. I hope the day improves.

    Why is a hurricane plant called a hurricane plant? I feel a Google coming on.

  2. Sorry - I meant hurricane lily. Good thing I went back and checked before I tried to Google it!

  3. "beautiful woodwork"..hahaha Love that man! Go back and watch Keith a few more times, he's got the magic! Put a Keith song on as loud as you can possibly get it and that might just chase this thing away. I'm positive it will for at least three good minutes x

    So glad dear sister, that there is lot's of beauty around to keep you company today.
    And doubly glad about Mr. Moon's good news!

    When my daughter was little she stuck a dime up her nose. She is a grown woman now and she just got a wadded up tissue stuck in her ear when she tried to improvise an earplug (yeah, ear plug...get it?) Cost a $150 to remove.

  4. jenny_o- I would take a boatload of hugs. I mean it. I think they're called hurricane lilies because they bloom during the hurricane season.

    liv- Yeah, that cracked me up too. So adults do these things too? I've always hated the feeling of anything in my ear so that's probably why I've never been tempted to stick anything in there.

  5. I think there's a place for morosity. Did I just make up a word?

  6. I can only imagine how anxious you must have been about Mr. Moon's appointment yesterday but you had to keep your shit together to get through it. Keeping shit together is not required today.

  7. I hope the day improves. Some days are just sad. Been struggling a bit lately with another death.

  8. It's awful to be frustrated with your own state of mind--that's the thing about anxiety and depression, right? We don't just feel it, we also feel upset that we feel upset. I don't know. I hope you feel better soon.

  9. I'm with Elizabeth. You're not whining or wah wah wahing at all you're telling an important truth your truth and mine too. May it pass quickly.

  10. I was trying to explain anxiety to my (far too well adjusted) husband: how it both feels familiar (like it keeps trying to tell me "I'm the actual REAL LIFE, THIS MISERABLE ONE WHERE YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT!") and shameful that I can't will it away. And then when it passes, I also feel kind of embarrassed that I felt so anxious.

    And what everyone else said: it's so important to tell the truth about this stuff. It's not whining. Selfishly, for me it's hugely important to see other women being truthful and honest about their anxiety because it makes me feel less alone in my crazybrain.

  11. Elizabeth- I've been trying to come up with a word that would combine moron and morose and morosity. Is "moron" an un PC word now? I can't remember. Do you remember when Bugs Bunny would call people "maroons"?

    Stephanie- You blessed girl! Thank you.

    Syd- They never stop coming, do they? I'm so sorry.

    Ms. Vesuvius- Oh god yes. Like the GUILT I feel when I'm depressed. What the hell do I have to be depressed about? We just feel how we fucking feel. Whatever.

    Rebecca- I worked in the garden some and then a huge rainstorm came and I feel so much better. Thank you, sweet friend.

    Ramona Quimby- Yes. That is it exactly. And my husband never ever understood either anxiety or depression although I know (I have seen) him suffer depression in his life. Not for too long but he always denied it. Then, though, some years ago he had what can only be described as a panic attack. He's had a few since then. Not many, thank GOD, but enough for him to have some real empathy rather than just the sympathy he had before. You really can't describe these things, can you? Not to someone who has never experienced any of it.

  12. I'm SO sorry it's been a bad day for you! Yesterday I probably slept ten hours during the day. I'd do something, then lie down for an hour or two. Then I went to bed early, and was up every hour or two. I don't remember any of my dreams, but sometimes I wake up feeling scared or worried. My hubby tries to be sympathetic, but generally just finds stuff to keep him busy outside the house. Can't say I blame him!

  13. I think what Steph said is right, at least for me. I have had my worst panic attacks after I had to keep my shit together. Gail

  14. Oh Mer I hope this subsides soon. What is it with dreams !!!!! I often have weird ones about old houses , this house with hidden areas , all kinds of weird shit in houses . I noticed you have had some weird house dreams too ... Sending you a big hug From the beautiful sunshine state of Queensland, Australia xxx

  15. You know what they say about just letting yourself feel what you feel, not fighting it? Maybe that's the way to go, not feeling frustrated at being sad but embracing it, loving it even. Easy for me to say, I know, but when I fight being sad, it just digs in its heels. Now about those dreams. Maybe they're leaving vapors. I wish I knew what to say about them. Hugs dear Mary. Rock with it till it passes. You are so loved.

  16. I am always thinking of you with good thoughts my friend.

  17. I trust it was the anxiety you were holding for Mr Moons appointment. Endorphines, whatever......they build up and then you crash. it's OK. Crash, and you feel it and you also know you will feel better with relief and with beauty all around you. Oh yes, and the love lets not forget that. You are surrounded by it!
    Susan M

  18. I remember Bugs Bunny calling people not only "maroons" but "ULTRA-maroons." Which I guess is even worse.

    I hate it that you go through these spells. (For lack of a better word.)


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