Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Better Living Through Amateur Therapy?

I decided to take my house dreams and do something productive with them. Before I fall asleep I have been visualizing those houses and trying to bring them into better being, to merge them into one beautiful house, to clean them out to the boards and walls, to replace the many non-functioning filthy appliances with the appropriate number of new ones, sparkling and made mine. Lay the floors with oriental rugs with ruby hues, clean the windows so that light comes in and replaces darkness, fill the dark corners with light and with books and with plants.
All the while, incorporating those things which I do love about these dream houses. The hallway lined with windows and plants, the little pool and fountain outside the door, the ocean somewhere nearby.

And still this morning I woke from horrible dreams. A hurricane had passed. I had nothing to wear. My stepfather dogged my every step, begging me to let him take me in his arms. I yelled at him, I ranted, I cursed him. He would not leave.
People were partying in yet another dream house addition, a guest house, and I chased them out.
I tried to explain depression to someone who insisted that all I had to do was to focus on all of the good things in my life, this world.

The dreams dragged me down into a pewter depth of feelings that were, to say the least, not comfortable.

What to do?
Let the chickens out, drink the smoothie. Go for a walk.

This blooming, finally, on my front gate.

The moon flowers.

The sky as gray as my soul, the air as humid and murky as my thoughts.

Heavy clouds, as ponderous with water as a crooked politician with lies.

How could someone lose this?

Their sparkly eye shadow in all of my favorite colors. The colors of the sea around Cozumel.

I saw a rabbit, hop-running across the road in front of me. I saw a huge gopher turtle slip into his or her burrow.

I was sad not to get his picture but then I looked up to see another, that one's twin (at least to my human eye) lumbering along, also heading towards the burrow.
He allowed me to come close and although he started to pull his head and legs into his shell, when I spoke softly to him, he stopped and looked up at me, as if waiting to hear what else I might say. 

I thanked him (her?) and we both went on our separate paths. 

I am home now and feeling better, dreams drifting on to probably waylay me again. 

But this.

The Firespike has begun to bloom and I swear, it is happening before my eyes. 

This is a plant very easy to root and I have done just that and planted it all over the yard. 

The yard. 

This is where I am going to spend my day. I need a day of retreat and dirt and caring for what I have right here.

I have plenty of company, none of which will ever torment me in my dreams.


Ms. Moon


  1. Well, there's a big ole metaphor. Concentrate on what's outside, not inside.
    I hope this all passes soon. Be well.

  2. Fuck focus. Sometimes you (or I) need to run, blurry, with poems and chickens.

  3. well, I have nothing to say about your attempt at changing your house dreams. I'm not remembering my dreams lately.

    But firespike!!! thank you. I saw some blooming in the yard of one of the estate sales and broke off a piece to root, and it has rooted but now I know what it is.

  4. Breathe in, breathe out, get dirty hands and feet. Be.
    Sometimes that's just enough.

  5. Let's visit each other in dreams tonight, and wake up laughing. Love.

  6. I saw gopher turtles for the first time last winter. I fell madly in love....and I admit I became a turtle-stalker. There was Digger, his lady Shelly (see what I did there? HA!), and their offspring, who I named Diggie. Yeah, I took lots of pics!
    Oh, and when someone tells me I can change my mood by focusing on the positive things, I want to stab them with a pitch fork! As if we feel this way because we want to! I, for one, am in a bit better mood today. Part of it is real and part is a big fat fake. Hubby had a colonoscopy yesterday and doc found some stuff. Waiting on that phone call now. So I'm pretending to be happy (to myself and others), and it's kind of working. At least until the telephone rings.

  7. What a beautiful world you inhabit.
    Your dream world is indeed troubling, but you know how to root yourself to the real.
    Thank you for sharing both of them, Mrs. Moon. This was a fabulous post.

  8. I'd never want to close my eyes if I had your dreams, Mary.

    Don't give up on trying to control your dreams, though. I've read of people learning to do it. Like everything else, maybe it takes a lot of practice.

  9. I hope that this too will pass, A day in the garden shall hopefully bring some relief. Some dreams are horrible , it seems hard to escape. Xxx

  10. I love what you did with the dream houses. I wish it had helped make your dreams better, but I'm sure it made something better because you tried to make it so.

  11. I love gopher tortoises! I'm glad your bad dreams ultimately gave way to a nice day. I wish I could alleviate those dreams of yours.

  12. I doubt I could change my dreams, I don't normally have bad dreams, occasionally one will pop up. I love the pictures, the one of the clouds looks especially familiar. Gail

  13. I hate those dreams of dead people and rooms that meander. Haven't had one in a while. When they come, I awake in a fog. Takes me a few hours to get over that kind of dream. Going for a walk sounded like a good idea.

  14. Your yard pictures calm me down. thank you!


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