Saturday, August 13, 2011

Free Range Stuff (Packed Full Of Information YOU Need!)


Ah, fooling around with the dosage of bioidenticals within the given range of prescription can lead to fooling around.
Better living through chemicals, that's what I say.
Or not.

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I'm going to a wedding today, way out on the other side of Monticello. The bride is a woman who works with Lily at the Publix and she is a funny woman. She calls me "Miss Mary," and she constantly tells me I am spoiling Owen. She has very large breasts. I shouldn't say that. Well, she does. Also, a beautiful smile. She is getting married this afternoon and I have never met the groom. I hope he's a good man to receive the bounty of this woman as a bride. The wedding is being held at an AME church. African Methodist Episcopal. Lord, I hope the church does not burst into flames when I walk in. I asked Lily what I should wear. She said that she did not know although the bride had told her that there would be no hats.
I told Lily that there WOULD be hats and that's that. I don't know everything, but I do know this.
There will be Aunties wearing hats.

I just talked to my Lizzie Love and told her about the wedding. The first thing she said was, "Are you going to wear a hat?"

See?

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Speaking of Lizzie Love, she and Lon are playing tonight at the Mockingbird Cafe. I am thinking that since I'll already be wearing finery (i.e. a bra) we should go.

TWO OUTINGS IN ONE DAY!

Say a prayer for me.

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I just found a small, unidentifiable (by me) piece of poop in the mud room. It was not dog poop. It was not rat or 'coon poop. This is mildly disturbing. What does snake poop look like? Do you know?

DO NOT GOOGLE-IMAGE SNAKE POOP!
And boy, do I wish I hadn't.

It might have been snake poop.

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Mr. Moon is already gone. He had to go...what? Do what? He is either buying parts for my sink or a tractor or going out to his food plot at the hunting camp or...
I don't know.

He told me. I think maybe he is doing all three of those things. I'm pretty sure I won't see him again until this evening, what with me going to the wedding and all. Who knows? I never do. But I do know this- he always comes home. Girls, that is a good thing. I had a husband who always came home but it was usually in the wee, wee hours after I had already planned out his funeral.

This is why I do not complain about Mr. Moon and tractors and hunting and fishing and laundry that has the smells and stains of work. Well, one of the many reasons.
Mr. Moon had a wife before me. She did not own a broom. Her mother had taught her that women were not put on this earth to clean the house. I agree with that but someone has to clean the house. Occasionally.
I wonder how many brooms I've worn out in the almost-twenty-seven years we've been married.

A first marriage can really make you appreciate a second one.

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Instead of weeding today, I might just do something crazy like my nails. Toe and finger. Whoa!


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Snake poop? Really?

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I am not counting these asterisks.

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Here is the Ms. Moon Heat Index Calculator:

1. If you are sitting still in the shade under a fan, you will feel like it is the temperature reported.
2. If you are working outside, you will feel like it is ten thousand degrees hotter than the temperature reported.

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Have you discovered Sunbutter? Oh my god!

It is the best, best, BEST!
Bonus:
Mr. Moon doesn't like it so I get the entire jar! I don't know why he doesn't like it. He eats sunflower seeds all the time. He is a mystery to me, that man.
Well, not really.
Sort of.

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Look. If you are a lawmaker who votes for a gay marriage ban, DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE TO ARRANGE DATES WITH A SAME-SEX PERSON AND REALLY, REALLY, DO NOT USE THE PHRASE "GOOD TIME" AND DO NOT MAKE MENTION OF THE MONEY YOU WILL GIVE THIS PERSON FOR SAID "GOOD TIME".

Just saying.

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I could do this all day. I guess I won't. I'm hungry, to tell you the truth. Plus, I drank all the coffee.

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SNAKE POOP? IN MY HOUSE?

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Love...Ms. Moon







18 comments:

  1. OMG. I'm really hoping it's not a snake. I totally get the critter jitters over bears and raccoons and even squirrels. Snakes are one of the things Im not really afraid of. BUT I wouldn't want one in my house....pooping.
    Mr. Moooon??? Come home and get that snake.
    Well, good thing you got a broom, Mrs. Moon.

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  2. You're so funny. Never heard of sunbutter. What would I do without you? Maybe it was just a stray grandkitten poop dried up, I hope?
    Love you, have fun in yr bra and no hat.
    I love the stuff about the first marriages and your brooms.
    Brooms are important.
    I'm going to be using one today.
    Off to my cleaning job.

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  3. I can't remember who looked at a cat stretched full out on a chair and said "The length of the cat = the heat of the day." I wonder what you say in winter when they are round balls of fur. Have a great day.

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  4. I can't wait to hear more as Saturday unfolds. I love sunflower seeds so pls tell me what you are putting this spread on--celery sticks? Would that work?
    --Michele R.

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  5. Denise- Nothing as to the way of critters in my house would surprise me. Nothing. And if I see a snake, I am calling Mr. Moon to get home RIGHT NOW!
    Believe me.

    Bethany- Nope. The kitty was not in that room. Never. Ever. Sadly.

    Joanne- Same with dogs, sort of.

    Michele R- Any way you'd eat peanut butter. It's awesome.

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  6. I like interchangeable jobs for each gender. Men can clean and women work on tractors. Equal opportunities for all.

    I spoke at a funeral in an AME church a couple of years ago. It was an amazing, spiritual thing. Definitely not like the frozen chosen.

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  7. Well. Have fun at that wedding. Hope Bethany is right, but fyi, we had a huge black snake in our laundry room when I was a kid, he climbed in through the crack by the dryer vent we supposed. (Can you say very old house?) The good news is if it's a snake, any mice problems will go away.

    I'm glad you and Mr. Moon didn't stay with your mismatches and found each other instead.

    Also, I have not yet tried sunbutter, but I have a serious addiction to my almond butter with flax seed.

    Have a happy day.

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  8. bra=finery. that is a life keeper.

    I promise to clean the house when I finish grading papers, exams, and averaging grades for the semester. It is a fair trade. Both are done once a semester.

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  9. I like the asterisks.

    Which variety of sunbutter did you try? Or perhaps more than one?

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  10. you sound cheerful and enjoy the wedding!

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  11. Jo- I love you too.

    Syd- I couldn't fix a tractor if you put a gun to my head. But I sure can sweep! "The Frozen Chosen" is one of my favorite phrases. It was introduced to me by my friend Pat who is the wife of a Methodist minister.

    Mel- I've had snakes in the house too. More than once.
    Sunbutter beats almond butter a thousand to one.
    According to me.

    Jaye- That works!

    x-ray iris- Actually, I think Sunbutter is a brand name. And that's the only one I've tried.

    Angella- I did!

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  12. x-ray Iris- Sorry. I've only tried the "natural." If I tried another, I think it would be the Natural Crunch. But honestly- it does not matter to me. It's the flavor.

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  13. Sunbutter does rock pretty dang hard... We used it for Gman till the food allergy Gods said it was ok to give him regular peanut butter.

    Also, making your own almond butter at NL is not all that expensive and totally YUMMY! Bet it would go well in your smoothies! Yummy!

    When's the next ladies lunch at the Moon hacienda?
    xo

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  14. This made me laugh and laugh. A big belly laugh.

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  15. Ooh, I held a nine foot boa constrictor when we were in Scotland, and just afterwards the snake pooped and it was lots and I was so happy I'd let it go by then. I can't believed I haven't blogged about that yet.

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  16. I could not sleep if I found snake poop in my house. I would have to move and RIGHT AWAY. Sorry, but it's true.

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