Sigh

Well, Jessie and Vergil just pulled out of the driveway.
I can barely stand it.

It's so odd. I am FINE with this life here, just as it is, Mr. Moon and me in this house, visited often by children and the grandchild, but god dammit, it's just so hard to let these two precious people get in the car and drive away.
I love that they have such a good and happy life in Asheville, North Carolina which is as good a nesting place as anyone could ever find. I swear, I do.
But.
Oh, but.

It's been a full morning. We had pancakes and sausage and Mr. Moon stayed late to eat with us and I've hung clothes on the line (dryer-guy can't get here until Thursday) and the kids searched for missing items and packed everything up and Mr. Moon gave them a freezer-full of venison to take him with them and I gave them some aloe plants and some baby phlox seedlings and cookies and watermelon and oh, honeys, take anything you want. You want this table? This refrigerator? This piece of my heart? Because that's what we were giving them, of course.
Take our hearts. Oh wait. You already have them. So here's some food, some plants. Anything to remind you of how much we love you. We love you, we love you, we love you so damn much.

And when we could no longer give them anything they got the grandkitten



and got in the car and drove away, me still babbling about this and that, the chickens around the car as if they, too, were saying good-bye

and Zeke tried his hardest to bust out the kitchen door to go with them.

I made them pose before they left.
Would you want to see these two leave?


And then, as always happens when they stand next to each other,

a kiss occurred.

Well.
Well.

My heart has pushed up into my throat, my eyes are leaking, leaking. I need to go finish cleaning up the kitchen, hang some more clothes. The sun is shining, gotta take advantage of it while I can.

This afternoon I'll go and get my hair fixed. As if it were broken.

Nah. My hair ain't broken.

It's my heart.

But we all know that hearts break over and over again and yet, they mend right up, mostly, they mend right up and that place where they were broken lets in more love, more, more, more love.

Yeah.

One thing you can count on around here, as imperfect as we may be, is that there is always love. Yesterday when we ate lunch, just to look around that table and see that love bursting forth like holy light from all my children was almost more than I could bear, my grandson by my side, his grandfather on the other side of him. And it can reach far away places and people come home and people go visit and those people, those two people I love, well, they know they can always come to North Florida and swim around in it, that love.
Not just in Lloyd but in so many places around here. Last night our dear Kati took this picture of them when they were making lasagna at their Ain't Liz's house.



Because you know what? They don't just swim around in the love. They bring it with them. And no matter how hard they might try, they can't take it all back when they leave.
I don't think they try very hard.

Bye, my babies. Be safe.
I would wish for you to live in love forever.

I would wish it for all of us.

And that is my amen right now as I sit on this quiet porch, still hearing the echo of a cello, a mandolin, laughing voices, the very real notes of the chirping cardinals, the rising hum of the crickets, the distant sound of the highway where people I love are driving away, but still here too, so safe in this heart.