Tuesday, August 9, 2011


Well, Jessie and Vergil just pulled out of the driveway.
I can barely stand it.

It's so odd. I am FINE with this life here, just as it is, Mr. Moon and me in this house, visited often by children and the grandchild, but god dammit, it's just so hard to let these two precious people get in the car and drive away.
I love that they have such a good and happy life in Asheville, North Carolina which is as good a nesting place as anyone could ever find. I swear, I do.
Oh, but.

It's been a full morning. We had pancakes and sausage and Mr. Moon stayed late to eat with us and I've hung clothes on the line (dryer-guy can't get here until Thursday) and the kids searched for missing items and packed everything up and Mr. Moon gave them a freezer-full of venison to take him with them and I gave them some aloe plants and some baby phlox seedlings and cookies and watermelon and oh, honeys, take anything you want. You want this table? This refrigerator? This piece of my heart? Because that's what we were giving them, of course.
Take our hearts. Oh wait. You already have them. So here's some food, some plants. Anything to remind you of how much we love you. We love you, we love you, we love you so damn much.

And when we could no longer give them anything they got the grandkitten

and got in the car and drove away, me still babbling about this and that, the chickens around the car as if they, too, were saying good-bye

and Zeke tried his hardest to bust out the kitchen door to go with them.

I made them pose before they left.
Would you want to see these two leave?

And then, as always happens when they stand next to each other,

a kiss occurred.


My heart has pushed up into my throat, my eyes are leaking, leaking. I need to go finish cleaning up the kitchen, hang some more clothes. The sun is shining, gotta take advantage of it while I can.

This afternoon I'll go and get my hair fixed. As if it were broken.

Nah. My hair ain't broken.

It's my heart.

But we all know that hearts break over and over again and yet, they mend right up, mostly, they mend right up and that place where they were broken lets in more love, more, more, more love.


One thing you can count on around here, as imperfect as we may be, is that there is always love. Yesterday when we ate lunch, just to look around that table and see that love bursting forth like holy light from all my children was almost more than I could bear, my grandson by my side, his grandfather on the other side of him. And it can reach far away places and people come home and people go visit and those people, those two people I love, well, they know they can always come to North Florida and swim around in it, that love.
Not just in Lloyd but in so many places around here. Last night our dear Kati took this picture of them when they were making lasagna at their Ain't Liz's house.

Because you know what? They don't just swim around in the love. They bring it with them. And no matter how hard they might try, they can't take it all back when they leave.
I don't think they try very hard.

Bye, my babies. Be safe.
I would wish for you to live in love forever.

I would wish it for all of us.

And that is my amen right now as I sit on this quiet porch, still hearing the echo of a cello, a mandolin, laughing voices, the very real notes of the chirping cardinals, the rising hum of the crickets, the distant sound of the highway where people I love are driving away, but still here too, so safe in this heart.


  1. I also hope that they live in that love. Love changes so much over time, but it is still love when there is respect and trust and comfort.

  2. Love the kitty poses. They are such a cute couple and their cat is sweet.

    And yes, they do take a piece of your heart don't they. I know my kids sure have it with them when I send them off to school.

  3. I look forward to the beautiful day when BabyGirl finds love and begins to build a world of her own. And when I can just pass her an extra cat now and then.

    There's a Dog Island presentation you might like Thursday at the Marine Lab. You can't give them a cat, but you'll enjoy it I think. I've posted a link, but if the spam-stopper gets me, look it up under FSUCML Lecture Series.

  4. They sure do look like happy, loving people! I'm sorry they're gone. I get a lump in my throat thinking about my babies leaving. But they take so much love with them, and leave so much behind.

  5. oh, so hard to see them go.
    beautiful words.
    big hugs.

  6. Oh my, you made my eyes leak this morning too, the love shines out of those pictures and those words and it is all good. I'm so glad those two found each other. Thanks for sharing so much love this morning. Hugs.

  7. NO!!! I would not want them to leave!!! They are so beautiful, inside and out; their love glows all around, leaving shimmers of fairy dust wherever they have been.

    Don't forget, Asheville is within reach. It's not like they're in Hawaii or Paris. But you made my eyes leak, too. I'm sending you tender hugs, sweet Mama Moon.

  8. They're here...and then they're gone, just like that. So no matter that we sat on each others laps and grabbed hugs as they passed and got to look into their eyes and see the love for us, hanging there like an August Moon, they get in the van and drive back to the Bay area. And we miss them so sweet and low.

    XXXXXX Beth

  9. Oh mary, you know i know this story. gosh, they are beautiful in love, those two, so full of light it dazzles. and i know you miss them so much, but they will be back, because you are the source, and they have to come back often and bask in that love you keep safe and warm and waiting. in the meantime, let yourself feel what you are feeling because it is rich evidence of how extravagantly they are loved, and how much they love in return. it is the sweet ache of connection. love.

  10. It's weird to think of Jessie old enough to be in love and so grown up. I vividly remember her running around in her diaper pants with the little boy next door... such doings they got into!

    And what a lovely woman she;s become, in every way. She spreads the good stuff as all your "babies" do in the world. We love them all!

  11. Syd- Yes. True. But that spark- it is always important, I do believe.

    Rebecca- Sometimes I think they ARE my heart. All my kids.

    Magnum- (I'm tired of pussy-footing around- haha!) I will check out the lecture. Sounds great but I know I have Grandma Duty on Thursday. And Jessie and Vergil BROUGHT that kitty with them. And then took him home. I begged them to take a dog but they would not. Darn it.

    Lora- We raise them up so that they can go away. Crazy but true.

    Bethany- Thank-you, darling.

    Mel- Phew. I tell you. It's an emotional roller coaster around here sometimes. But isn't that life?

    Lisa- Nah. They were born that way. I just got to share in with it.
    Oh but wait! I did make them! Thanks for reminding me.

    Lulumarie- Yes, it is within reasonable reach. But still. Oh, it's just hard.

    Beth Coyote- Yes. Exactly. Sweet and low and all around.
    How do we stand it? And yet, we do.

    Angella- Welcome back, first off! And yes, it is extravagant and bountiful and juicy and sweet. All of that. Yes.

    Ms. Fleur- So fast. It has all happened so fast.

  12. My mom does that to me too--dad, too. Here! Take this! And this and this!! :)

  13. SJ- And now you know why, although you probably already did.

  14. I wish the whole entire world would live in love.
    They look happy and in love, and for right now, that's the most wonderful thing in their lives.

  15. She is really just SO beautiful. Glowing in every damn photo.

  16. I could not see them leave either. What a gorgeous pair.

  17. Gosh. I miss those precious children already but I am so glad I got to see them and laugh with them and eat Vergil's amazing love lasagna. I only wish I could've met the grand-kitten, cuz he just looks so adorable that I might have had to spirit him away. Bless your hearts, Jessie and Vergil!

  18. I feel so blessed. So blessed indeed. It was a lovely, beautiful trip and now I am back in Asheville with the kitty baby (who is getting to be in his terrible two's right now) and it feels so fresh here and we slept so good knowing that we have a good family and wonderful friends back home in Tallahassee that love us and take us back in their arms anytime we please. Blessed we are.

    Thank you Mama. For everything.

  19. I swear, those two kids are about PHOTOGENIC AS FUCK, aren't they? CUTEST COUPLE EVAH.



  20. SJ- I figured.

    Angie- Remember that feeling?

    Elizabeth- She is.

    Mwa- They stand true together.

    Kati- Yes. Bless their hearts in the good, real way.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- It's sort of hard to take a bad picture of them.

  21. HoneyLuna- Oh girl. Always arms here, waiting and eager to hold you again. Always.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.