Thursday, August 11, 2011

How To Fix Things

Dryer Guy is here to repair the dryer which has nothing to do with the picture you see above which was taken last night after Mr. Moon tore my bathroom apart to fix the dripping faucet. It has been dripping for years, quite literally, and whenever I would tell Mr. Moon about it he would say, "I don't know how to fix that. I'm not sure where the cut-off valve is for it."
And that would be that.
Finally, a few nights ago, I took him into my bathroom to give him a clear visual of how much water we were losing out of the faucet.
"Oh," he said.

He knew I was not doing well last night and because he is one of the sweetest husbands in the world, he brought me flowers. He is always mystified by my depressions and anxiety. He cannot for the life of him actually understand. If he has ever had depression and anxiety he has denied it and then forgotten it when it passed and that is the Way Of The Man and so it is and so it shall ever be.
So. Bring the woman some flowers and then to prove to her that you do care and do love her, go tear her bathroom apart. He actually called the guy we bought the house from seven years ago to ask him about the shut-off valve. The access to it involved many, many tools. Buckets and bins of tools. This, too, is the Way Of The Man.

He long ago gave up trying to fix me but I am grateful that he can fix things. I am never sure as to what his criteria is for what he can and cannot fix. Faucets and radiators and tires and oh, all that stuff in car engines he can fix. Dryers? Call the repairman.
As we speak right now, he is on his way to go get a tractor which is he going to bring back here to fix. I can tell he is very excited about this. Thrilled, in fact.

And maybe in his fixing, he does actually help me. Just knowing that someone around here has his feet on the ground and a bucket of tools at the ready is comforting.

I feel some better today, I think. I watched Roseanne last night and she made me laugh and there is nothing in this world that helps chase depression away like laughter. And nothing harder in this world than to make a depressed person laugh and so I love Roseanne even more. Sandra Bernhard came to visit her in Hawaii with Phyllis Diller in tow and yes, Phyllis is still alive and wearing that horrible wig and laughing that horrible laugh and she can drink five men under the table at the age of ninety-something and Phyllis and Sandra and Roseanne went out and had dinner and drinks and KAVA! and then went dancing to the band Roseanne's man plays in and it was once again an oh god, that is me moment and it made me laugh, the very sound of it coming from my throat startling and odd.

Well, Dryer Guy is done and paid and gone but I have to say I have surely enjoyed hanging clothes on the line the past week. There is really no excuse not to and I should save the dryer for when I really need it and that way it may last forever, or at least for a very long time.

Nothing lasts forever, does it?

Not the good things, not the bad.

Can I tell you how much I love all of you? You did not try to "fix" me last night with your words. You just made me feel understood and held and in so doing, you gave me just what I needed. I am not exactly out of the woods but I think I am on the path. I will see Owen tonight and in knowing that, I am cheered and determined.

Thank-you. All of you and Mr. Moon and Lily and Jason who trust me with their boy and Roseanne, too. She may be nuts but I am too and I take great comfort in her crazy life and I can just imagine her with a bathroom in chaos, a tractor being repaired, girlfriends to dance and drink with, a bowl of Kava in front of her, kids and grandkids around, knowing that there is no way she can go off the deep end so far she cannot swim her way back because food must be prepared, children must be taken care of, chaos must be restored to order.
That laughter is a lifeline back to sanity through rough the rough seas of darkness.

One of them, at least.

And that love, which can take many forms, is the sturdiest and most sure of all.


  1. I am enjoying Roseanne's Nuts a great deal and I want to thank you again for writing about it.

    I know what a relief it is to have someone in the house that can do those things. I appreciate that in Dan so very much.

  2. I like the looks of that bathroom...I feel like I could walk around your house for hours, just taking in all the pretty and fun things that you've surrounded yourself with.

    Don't you just love a handy fellow? It's probably very primal and old fashioned, but my husband's competency with tools and cleverness just makes me feel quite safe and warm.

  3. I watched roseanne last night too. Loved it! Glad you are feeling an inch better, every bit helps. My anxiety is a little better today, though yesterday was tough. Maybe it's the phase of the moon.

  4. Laughter is good medicine. I take myself way too seriously at times. I over analyze. But I also know how to laugh and be silly. Balance. I am a work in progress.

  5. Mary, dearest

    So glad you are a bit better today.....I was going to write to you last night but I saved my comment for today.

    Re the concept/feeling that you are being poisoned.....for 20 or 30 years I would periodically go to the doctor with a list of complaints...arms and legs so heavy they feel like lead weights, nauseous, weak, no energy, dizzy....I feel like I am being poisoned, I would say. Then just as I gave up all hope I would feel better. They never did find the disease (!), but I know how it feels to be poisoned by the demons who live inside.

    Just hang in there and try to be good to yourself. You are wonderful.

  6. Actually, we understand you'll be fine--real good--right as rain--oh, you know...

  7. Roseanne does remind me of you. I have the Phyllis Diller episode recorded to watch this weekend. I love that show, too.

  8. Don't think I ever would've watched that show if it wasn't for you. But I was watching that episode too and laughing and thinking of you perhaps watching it. She made me think of you, so many things. And I rarely watch funny things, just let myself laugh. Felt wonderful. Thank you.

    Ah and a man with tools. A man with a bucket of tools who also brings you a bouquet of flowers. Of course that helps and heals. Magic that Mr Moon. Love the photo, so much light.

    A dripping sink can make one mad.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.